I honestly think you peeps need to somehow invest in your communication strategy somehow. Such communication breakdowns is/was causing schisms in the lemmy community which is an extreme shame as that's in turn driving away the same potential contributors that would help the software improve faster to cover these same points. I would argue that saying things like "we're still in beta, come back in 2 years if you can't handle the heat" is not doing you any favours. I know you are technically correct, but there's no reason to phrase it like that, yanno? Not everyone interprets such statements the same way and for non-ASD/ADHD people, this can parse very hostile and confrontational, even if you honestly didn't mean it to be read like that.
Apologies in advance for the unsolicited advice, but have you considered reaching our for some community outreach person to join your team? Such positions won't necessarily fill themselves and you need to ask for it. But at this point I think it might significantly help the lemmy project avoid such drama.