How do you experience eye contact?

I'm still on my journey of understanding the differences between autism and other. My focus today is eye contact, so let's have a discussion!

Guiding questions:

  • What do you think is the underlying difference that causes autistic people to use less eye contact than others?

  • What does it feel like for you?

  • How do you interpret other people's eye contact?

  • Do you avoid it, use short glances, or maintain NT-levels of eye contact?

  • Does it vary by situation?

  • Anything else you would like to discuss regarding eye contact?

Question is open to anyone. If not identified, then the assumption is the user is autistic. Otherwise, if you're NT or other ND, please state so 🙂

Tull_Pantera ,

Would you please add a little more information to your first sentence? Autism and humanity are on a spectrum, as far as I can tell. The differences are so many, and there may be many similarities, too... So, understanding the differences between autism and- ? Other what's?

I think there are a few things that contribute to the consideration of eye-contact. Things are intense; Intense World Theory seems like a reasonable description. Eyes are our brain outside the skull, and windows to the soul. They're languageless connections. I don't have much interest in accidentally talking with someone, especially when I don't know what I'm saying to them, and they probably don't know what they're saying to me.

Makes me think of The Hypno-toad - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CDsIlAXWORw

I'm dissociate frequently; possibly most of the time. My eyes do something strange with (not) focusing. I'm desensitized to eye contact and most everything else in this state; disconnected. In a different state, eye contact feels like someone is talking to me, and most of the time it feels like they're unaware they're talking, and like they're telling me intimate details that seem like a bit much to be sharing.

I don't avoid it, but some part of me does; moreso with some people with others. I don't want to look into anyone else's brain, and I'm really not interested in having anyone looking into mine, especially when there's little chance they'll understand. It definitely varies by situation.

Three minutes of unbroken eye contact is on my secret wishlist. Along with a special conversation.

BackOnMyBS OP Mod ,
@BackOnMyBS@lemmy.world avatar

understanding the differences between autism and- ? Other what’s?

Understanding the difference between autistic neurotype and every other neurotype. If you would like, you can choose specific neurotypes or provide education on neurotypes that also share a similar style with eye contact.

Makes me think of The Hypno-toad - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CDsIlAXWORw

lol! Yesss! This is very close to how I experience it. Too overwhelming that I dissociate.

eye contact feels like someone is talking to me, and most of the time it feels like they’re unaware they’re talking, and like they’re telling me intimate details that seem like a bit much to be sharing.

I feel similar! It's like they are being too intimate. I feel completely uncomfortable with that in the vast majority of situations/relationships. In fact, I accidentally did it at salsa dance class this week with someone I barely know. I have only seen them in dance class once a week for the past ~4 weeks. Anyway, I maintained eye contact because it helped me understand what they were feeling, which was important information while we were learning and executing a complicated move. However, I didn't just pick up on how they were feeling about the dance. It felt like they were having sex with me with their eyes. I still feel a bit violated by it, but maybe I misinterpreted what I picked up on. Regardless, I am going to make sure I limit eye contact in these situations. It's too much for that level of a relationship.

I don’t want to look into anyone else’s brain, and I’m really not interested in having anyone looking into mine

From what I can tell, we are pretty similar in regards to eye contact. I found quite validating, so thank you for sharing. Check out my response to this post if you are interested.

Tull_Pantera ,

I don't think there actually is an autistic neurotype. I think humans are 90-95% unconscious, ignorant, and grossly intolerant in some ways since they simply lack world experience and deeply informed perspective. I'm pretty sure, after studying, that we're talking about clusters of similar perspective and experience. Autism is disturbingly similar to the intersection of Borderline Personality Disorder, Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Schizotypal Personality Disorder and Psychosis. And that's where I stop seeing a neurotype. Labels rarely carry nuance or deep information.

If I start sharing about neurotypes you're likely to get three full pages of links or three hundred pages of information... And it won't be specifically focused on specific neurotypes similar to autism.

"Too overwhelming that I dissociate" - I think in terms of a description of positive trauma as well as negative trauma, and a cluster of "So confusing, overwhelming, shocking and unable to be processed immediately or anytime soon, and seeming or actually inescapable", along with "acceleration, compression and escalation", mixed with "perceived demand avoidance".

Or maybe you think sex feels like eye contact during Salsa dancing? - I'm kinda serious with this -invertable' perspective. "Inside-out" is far more than a concept.

You're welcome.

  • All
  • Subscribed
  • Moderated
  • Favorites
  • •
  • [email protected]
  • kbinchat
  • All magazines
    •