I think one of the most helpful things for me has been changing the internal dialog that has been nailed into me since i was young—“you’re not enough,” “you lazy #%^*,” and a whole slew of things repeating in my mind when i disappoint others, am misunderstood, or can’t seem to handle/understand something that seems so basic to others.
Genuine encouragement that validates where you are right now (without any pressure to perform or do better) is i think one of the most powerful tools for us with ASD. Sadly, because of the social/career ladders and the way our society operates, a lot of us don’t have that encouraging voice on the outside to help us out. Many of the voices in our lives have misunderstood us and assumed our intentions were malicious when the reality was we just think and act on another level than others do.
If you are able to put yourself in an environment or with others that understand you and encourage you, do whatever you can to do so. If you are unable to do that right now, do what you can to practice changing all the negative words that play on repeat in our heads and beat us down.
Think about it—if you want a flower to grow, you aren’t just gonna beat it into submission and yell at it to do better, right? You give it food, water, and sun. You have to give it time and treat it kindly and gently. It’s the same way with a young kid who’s trying to learn how to walk.
The reality is, we have all given it our best effort even if it doesn’t show on the outside. That deserves to be noticed, uplifted, and appreciated. And i think when you do so, when you allow yourself moments to simply exist the way you are, you’ll finally see yourself start to grow in ways you never thought possible.