yourautisticlife

Susan60 , 11 hours ago to ActuallyAutistic group

Someone sent this to me a while back & I’ve only just got around to looking at it. (ADHD) Rang a lot of bells, & is no doubt another factor is late diagnosis.
#ActualyAutistic @actuallyautistic

https://poweredbylove.ca/2017/11/21/atypical-autism-traits/comment-page-1/#comments

yourautisticlife , 41 minutes ago

@Susan60

"Can be very passionate about a course of study or job, and then change direction or go completely cold on it very quickly"

My bachelor degree in computer engineering, my master's in South Asia studies and my Ph.D. in Religion are laughing right now, whereas my current job tutoring in math is crying.

@actuallyautistic

Autistrain , 7 days ago to ActuallyAutistic group

People should let go. It's important to have joy.

For example, it was raining a lot today. I went for a walk in the forest under the rain. It was very peaceful with nearly nobody. You have small streams of water on the edge of the paths. With everything that the streams could carry, it went to small dams creating 'tiny lakes'.

What I like to do since I'm a kid is breaking the dams to see the water flowing, building some rudimental embankment to redirect the flow.

I was there in the forest walking. I stopped and broke some dams and built some embankments. I had a lot of fun and #autistic joy.

This is a good thing to remember to let go, do what we like and give us joy.

#actuallyAutistic @actuallyautistic

yourautisticlife , 7 days ago

@Autistrain

Snowstorms can teach us about life:

https://www.yourautisticlife.com/2024/01/19/snowflakes-in-the-storm/

@darrellpf @actuallyautistic

quinze , 16 days ago to ActuallyAutistic group

Heya @actuallyautistic folks, do we have a Prime Directive around undiagnosed folks?

Trans folks have the Egg Prime Directive: don't tell someone they might be trans, because it's conter-intuitive in most cases (pushing people deeper into the closet).

As I disclose my diagnosis to people close to me, an unsurprising amount of them resonate with my experience and ask me whether I think they might be. I refuse to answer but share resources and offer to reply to questions about my personal experience.

yourautisticlife , 16 days ago

@quinze

There isn't a prime directive. I go with the flow. Most of the time I learn that others are autistic or ND or might be autistic or ND when I share that I am autistic. Also, it depends on our relationship. I saw somebody two nights ago who looked like they were stimming, but I said nothing. They were the merest of acquaintances.

Conversely, I asked a girl I went on a date with whether she was ND, and she said she thinks she is, given that she was on a date with an autistic enby (me) and her girlfriends are all autistic.

Context drives what I do, but there is no prime directive. Do be prepared for backlash if you speak out of turn, however. I've not encountered the backlash, but I suppose it exists.

@actuallyautistic

chevalier26 , 19 days ago to ActuallyAutistic group

@actuallyautistic #actuallyautistic Somehow got into an argument earlier about fractions with my parents, especially the fraction 15/16. I said that 7.5/8 is the same thing as 15/16, because they can be converted to each other by multiplying or dividing the numerator and denominator by 2.

My mom basically said, no, that's not right because it's not a "proper fraction" which doesn't make sense to me. The math checks out, and numerators can have decimal integers. Is there something I'm missing?

yourautisticlife , 19 days ago

@chevalier26

You're right.

@actuallyautistic

Zumbador , 27 days ago to ActuallyAutistic group

@actuallyautistic

Here's something that causes friction between me and my family.

Someone asks me to make a decision about something I don't have a strong preference, but they want me to have a preference.

"do you want x or y? "

Saying "I don't care" comes across as rude, and even softening it as "I don't really have a preference" or turning it back to them by saying "what do you think?" isn't appreciated. They want me to care.

I understand that they want me to choose so they don't have to do that emotional labour. That's fair. But often when I do choose (at random), they try to change my mind, and then I'm back to square one because I don't really care, and I don't want to lie!

A honest answer would be "I'm depressed, I don't want to exist. Putting on a polite face is taking up all my effort, expecting me to actually care is beyond my capacity"

But that's too heavy for most interactions.

I'm not sure what I'm asking for here, just writing it out.

#ActuallyAutistic

yourautisticlife , 26 days ago

@dl2jml

Your comment about Zumbador having difficulty with empathy is utter assumption on your part, and comes across as neurotypical bullshit.

@Zumbador @actuallyautistic

chevalier26 , 29 days ago to ActuallyAutistic group

@actuallyautistic #actuallyautistic
What kind of music do y’all like?

I’ve found that my music taste sometimes mimics that of my friends, but generally I listen to completely different stuff than most people. I love heavy metal, folk/bluegrass, anything indie, 50’s-80’s music, and a lot of traditional songs from the Renaissance, Middle Ages, and earlier. I also like Christian hymns but that’s not everyone’s cup of tea.

Would love to expand my own tastes by hearing from y’all!

yourautisticlife , 29 days ago

@chevalier26

The best way to know what I like is just to go down the Stimming Is Life playlists. I stim to this music just about every day.

It is a tiny bit restrictive in that there's music that I like, but that is not at the right tempo for taking a walk and I usually don't include it in my playlists.

https://www.yourautisticlife.com/stimming-is-life/

@actuallyautistic

LehtoriTuomo , 1 month ago to ActuallyAutistic group

I'm currently reading Unmasking Autism by Devon Price and it's super interesting. It surely resonates and I recognize myself in many places.

Reading about "female autism" -- which Price criticizes as a label -- was a real eye opener. I too am a very sensitive and likable person who adjusts to new situations quickly.

For instance, I've noticed ages ago that I take cues from the situation, mirror verbal and nonverbal expressions and mannerisms. I might not give much of my real self if the situation doesn't feel safe. It often doesn't. Plus I'm introverted so there's that.

Another example. When writing to others, I tone my reply to fit the recipient or forum. I've loved using emojis but if the recipient doesn't use them, I haven't used them either.

And now I read this is masking. Mind blown.

#ActuallyAutistic @actuallyautistic

yourautisticlife , 1 month ago

@LehtoriTuomo

My own brand of autism is more similar to how females typically present. However, I'm AMAB.

Is it any wonder that I am an enby?

@actuallyautistic

everyday_human , 1 month ago to ActuallyAutistic group

#actuallyautistic
#actuallyadhd
@actuallyautistic
@actuallyadhd

Ok so what are some signals and reasons for signals that’s your partner wants you to do something?

Perhaps it’s the way they hold their coffee or change thier tone or give you looks to let them know what you want or what they are trying to signal to your brain to essentials observe and understand what’s going to happen next

It can be anything I’m curious if any couples made any cognitive life hacks 😵‍💫😒

yourautisticlife , 1 month ago

@everyday_human

Here's an example of what does not work: glaring at your autistic spouse.

My ex-wife has ADHD, but we did not know that I was autistic, and we never discussed neurodivergence in our household.

She'd be annoyed. She'd communicate this annoyance by glaring. I'd fail to perceive it. She'd accuse me of deliberately ignoring her. I'd accuse her of inventing her glares.

I begged her to be explicit, but she couldn't. She was 20 years older than I am, and she said that's how she was raised.

🤷

Our marriage managed to last 22 years. It is when she retired, and I was home in earnest that things started going bad for us.

Actually, I was thinking about this this morning. We bought the last house we lived in from another couple that was or had divorced. I think the house is cursed. :madjoy:

@actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd

lifewithtrees , 1 month ago to ActuallyAutistic group

“What do you want to do 5 years from now?”

🤔

😬

🤯

I am having a difficult time visioning 5 years from now, what I want to do and then how to get there.

Some of this is due to the chaos of the last few years, but I also think it could be a challenge due to #AuDHD

Also I am 42 so midlife stuff?

That all said, how do you vision 5 years from now?

@actuallyadhd @actuallyautistic

yourautisticlife , 1 month ago

@lifewithtrees

5 years ago, I was:

• A man. I'm now nonbinary, and consequently also trans.

• I passed as straight. I'm actually pansexual. I knew this, but few other people know.

• Monogamous. I'm actually polyamorous.

• Vanilla. I'm actually into BDSM.

• Neurotypical. I'm actually autistic.

• A heart attack survivor. I'm now a heart attack and a cancer survivor.

• Married. I'm now divorced.

• A software engineer. I'm now a writer and a tutor.

I have no clue where I'm going to be in 5 years.

@mystickal @actuallyadhd @actuallyautistic

LehtoriTuomo , 1 month ago to ActuallyAutistic group

One reason why it took me so long to self-diagnose autism is that I thought I don't stim. In fact, once I learned that I do stim, my self-diagnosis process kicked in. That was the first time I said to myself that I might actually be autistic.

The reason for this misunderstanding was that I thought stimming is stereotypical, very repetitive, compulsory movement. I guess this misunderstanding is quite common.

I've since learned that stimming, short for self-stimulatory behavior, is basically stimulating one's sensory system in certain ways. It may be a way to soothe oneself, help to focus in overwhelming situations by feeding one's brain predictable sensory input, a way to express joy, or simply something that feels nice. Movements are part of it but any sense can be used.

When googling the term, there are mentions that also neurotypicals stim but that when diagnosing autism, stimming is somehow different -- only socially unacceptable stims are "real" stims. Bah.

I've started paying attention to how and when I stim, and collect a list of stims I do. I've noticed all types of stimming behavior (soothing, focusing, joy, fun). I do it more than before -- or maybe I just notice it more often. I've noticed that I love moving my body parts, especially to music. I also love different textures.

#ActuallyAutistic #stimming @actuallyautistic

yourautisticlife , 1 month ago

@LehtoriTuomo

Yes, music is my main stim. When ever I can, I have some music on.

My earlier stims also tended to be socially acceptable. When I did my homework in my room, I'd tap my desk in rhythm to the music. I just looked like someone enjoying the music.

My stims are more diverse post self-diagnosis.

@actuallyautistic

18+ yourautisticlife , 1 month ago to ActuallyAutistic group

@actuallyautistic

If you had asked my opinion about death at the end of 2023, I would have told you that I felt a fair amount of anxiety at the thought that one day, I'll die.

Okay...

However, I've found over the past few months that this anxiety has lessened. Right now, I don't feel any anxiety at all.

I'm not sure what to make of this.

I do prefer my current chillness, for sure. Death is inevitable, right? Why mar my current experience of life by worrying about death?

This seems logical, but it is not logic that brought me my current chillness. I don't know what did it, actually.

:catthinking:

#ActuallyAutistic

18+ yourautisticlife OP , 1 month ago

@theendismeh

Ah yes. I like Alan Watts. I am familiar with what he says in the video, both as a Zen Buddhist, and someone who has a Ph.D. in Religion.

I'd say if you had talked to me at the end of 2023, I would have said that I understand, but this understanding would have been of the intellectual kind.

Maybe now I understand, but I understand in my bones? I talk about this type of knowledge in this article:

https://www.yourautisticlife.com/2023/10/26/the-self-a-vibratory-phenomenon/

This one is also worth reading, and could be seen as a companion piece:

https://www.yourautisticlife.com/2024/01/10/the-dawn-of-understanding/

@actuallyautistic

#ActuallyAutistic