punishmenthurts

Zumbador , 25 days ago to ActuallyAutistic group

@actuallyautistic
I'm visiting family, and wow am I deep in autistic denial territory.

Some of my younger relatives have approached me, asking about neurodivergence because I've been so open about my experience as a late realised autistic person. They're wondering about themselves and their parents.

The older people though, are unable to have that conversation. There are jokey, sidelong half acknowledgements that "there might be something going on" with them, but otherwise it's High Masking At All Times.

What I find difficult to deal with is the rather toxic judgemental attitudes.

So-and-so relative is "so picky about his food, he thinks it makes him important" or "how ridiculous, he doesn't like the too bright light in the bathroom" and all the while I can see them struggling to deal with the exact same difficulties they're judging in others.

It's so ingrained, I don't know if there's a way for them to find self acceptance.

#ActuallyAutistic

punishmenthurts , 25 days ago

@Zumbador @mwl @actuallyautistic
try talking about normal people
instead, ask ‘em what’s wrong with the world what sort
of thinking they blame for everything, find a common enemy, sorta deal?

punishmenthurts , 25 days ago

@Zumbador @actuallyautistic
I might be the only one who thinks neurotype means what thoughts you have or something.
I feel like folks talk about how we think differently but never WHAT we think differently, like all the types have different methods but we’re all supposed to arrive at the same conclusions

punishmenthurts , 25 days ago

@axnxcamr @Zumbador @actuallyautistic
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❤️ TY.
I don’t think there’s one Autistic philosophy, but maybe there’s some NT ones we mostly don’t have or something

punishmenthurts , 25 days ago

@dpnash @Zumbador @actuallyautistic
I’m in my mid-sixties and I had mostly simply never heard of it. People were just R-worded back then, and as the term came to more common use, it just missed me, never came up.
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Should have, if my family had dealt with me, I guess.

punishmenthurts , 25 days ago

@ScottSoCal @dpnash @Zumbador @actuallyautistic
I’m good with letters too, less so with numbers. I never heard the R-word about myself.
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I’m actually looking at my report cards now, it was half about speech and numbers trouble early, then became what you say, a lot of, “if only he’d apply himself.”

melindrea , 25 days ago to ActuallyAutistic group

Speaking of visiting family ... I had a slightly amusing experience when I friday visited with family due to graduation.

I'm quite openly @actuallyautistic (as I'm sure none of you are aware <.<), and while I'm the only one that's diagnosed, we're pretty sure at least one of my niblings are, that my dad was and that maybe my mom was (she had traits, so could be with lots of masking, or could not be).

We were discussing food habits and I mentioned that I didn't use to like mushrooms when I was younger until my mom misread a recipe and minced the mushrooms finely so that I couldn't pick up on the texture. I loved the flavour of it (but didn't have words for the texture aversion). My oldest nibling looks at me, chuckles softly and goes "how did no one realise earlier that you were autistic?!?"

Which, I explained a bit on what was going on. And that I'm torn on whether I would've wanted to be know earlier. On one hand, it would've saved me a lot of pain ... but on the other, it would've added a whole new type of complications.

punishmenthurts , 25 days ago

@melindrea @sunguramy @actuallyautistic
I discovered that once, put the mushrooms in the food processor for a cream pasta sauce, no chunks, just flavour, and yes, excellent 👍

punishmenthurts , 25 days ago

@melindrea @sunguramy @actuallyautistic
but I don’t mind the texture, I can eat them any way at all.

punishmenthurts , 26 days ago to ActuallyAutistic group

one thing about hatching, about the ‘tism, is that I no longer have any hope that anything I think about the world matters, that just because it makes sense to me doesn’t mean it does to anyone else, in fact it’s the reverse, if I think it, I can be assured it’s not going anywhere.
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Good luck with the multiple existential disasters, folks, let me know how it went. It’s clear nothing I say or do is going to matter.
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#ActuallyAutistc
@actuallyautistic

punishmenthurts OP , 26 days ago

@woozle @actuallyautistic ❤️

Richard_Littler , 26 days ago to ActuallyAutistic group

It's summertime and, as is the tradition, all my neighbours' kids are outside screaming/shrieking relentlessly in a pitch that only dogs (and, as it turns out, autistics) can hear.
'Tis the season of the almighty noise-cancelling headphone.

#misophonia #autism
@actuallyautistic

punishmenthurts , 26 days ago

@Emmacox @Richard_Littler @actuallyautistic
been there. the people upstairs with full time jobs decide they should have a puppy, poor thing alone and barking all day 💔

punishmenthurts , 26 days ago

@Emmacox @Richard_Littler @actuallyautistic
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like, dogs are bred not to be alone, bred for the bonding properties, and then that. People. 😈

theautisticcoach , 1 month ago to ActuallyAutistic group

What’s the biggest myth about autism that my #ActuallyAutistic comrades have come across in the course of their self-advocacy?

#AskingAutistics @actuallyautistic

punishmenthurts , 27 days ago

@theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic
that any sort of brain damage by any sort of agent should be called, "Autism," by whoever is testing whatever bloody drug and who can't bloody know their mice are "Autistic," and they probably don't know what Autism is themselves - it just SOUNDS smarter that "brain damage."
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This cheap editor's trick is very bad news. 😈

theautisticcoach , 1 month ago to ActuallyAutistic group

What do my #ActuallyAutistic comrades do to practice self-care when there is no way whatsoever to have your needs met or triggers removed?

#AskingAutistics @actuallyautistic

punishmenthurts , 27 days ago

@theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic
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self medication. Sorry, sort of.

theautisticcoach , 1 month ago to ActuallyAutistic group

all autistic people are different

what works for one (or many) of us won't necessarily work for you

what works for you won't necessarily work for others

telling people to shut their mouths and stop speaking because YOU don't relate to it isn't helpful

also - pretending that your way is the only way increases imposter syndrome in others

what happened to "you've met one autistic person, you've met one autistic person"?

@actuallyautistic

punishmenthurts , 1 month ago

@theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic
it’s not a very solid framing, because the real causality in human life mostly resides in Allistics and their traits and abilities/disabilities.
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I get it, we can’t really go on offence, but it leaves us on shaky foundations, logically.

Zumbador , 1 month ago to ActuallyAutistic group

@actuallyautistic

Here's something that causes friction between me and my family.

Someone asks me to make a decision about something I don't have a strong preference, but they want me to have a preference.

"do you want x or y? "

Saying "I don't care" comes across as rude, and even softening it as "I don't really have a preference" or turning it back to them by saying "what do you think?" isn't appreciated. They want me to care.

I understand that they want me to choose so they don't have to do that emotional labour. That's fair. But often when I do choose (at random), they try to change my mind, and then I'm back to square one because I don't really care, and I don't want to lie!

A honest answer would be "I'm depressed, I don't want to exist. Putting on a polite face is taking up all my effort, expecting me to actually care is beyond my capacity"

But that's too heavy for most interactions.

I'm not sure what I'm asking for here, just writing it out.

#ActuallyAutistic

punishmenthurts , 1 month ago

@Zumbador @ScottSoCal @actuallyautistic
LOOOOVE that

filmfreak75 , 1 month ago to ActuallyAutistic group

@actuallyautistic #ActuallyAutistic i do a lot of meeting requests and receive a lot of emails that start like this:

"Good morning!

I hope you all had excellent weekends.”

I start mine like this, and because of this, am considered an asshole:

“[Name] would like to set up a one hour call on this topic. Please let me know if any of the following times work:”

…because heaven forbid we be efficient and clear in our communication

punishmenthurts , 1 month ago

@filmfreak75 @actuallyautistic .
I get it. Just saying, if I tried to do it their way, I would surely find a way to screw it up, go too far or something. ❤️