kavana

@[email protected]

PhD Candidate, University of Cambridge. Brown #crip #queer. Traitor to the brahminical patriarchy.

Profile pic: front-facing profile of my face. I have short black curly hair, brown skin, and angular, messy eyebrows. I'm wearing dark green rimmed glasses and a light-pink, pinstriped, collared shirt.

Tags #disability, #SocialJustice #activism, #research, #Crip, #Queer, #trauma, #CPTSD, #Marxism

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Zumbador , to ActuallyAutistic group
@Zumbador@mefi.social avatar

@actuallyautistic

Here's something that causes friction between me and my family.

Someone asks me to make a decision about something I don't have a strong preference, but they want me to have a preference.

"do you want x or y? "

Saying "I don't care" comes across as rude, and even softening it as "I don't really have a preference" or turning it back to them by saying "what do you think?" isn't appreciated. They want me to care.

I understand that they want me to choose so they don't have to do that emotional labour. That's fair. But often when I do choose (at random), they try to change my mind, and then I'm back to square one because I don't really care, and I don't want to lie!

A honest answer would be "I'm depressed, I don't want to exist. Putting on a polite face is taking up all my effort, expecting me to actually care is beyond my capacity"

But that's too heavy for most interactions.

I'm not sure what I'm asking for here, just writing it out.

kavana ,

@Zumbador
"I want/or don't want to do X, because I don't have the necessary headspace for it/they both/all seem good to me.", where X can include making a choice.

If it is the obligation on someone that you're trying to avoid, maybe "feel free to not do <obligation> if you don't want to do it".

I know someone who takes on a stance of obstinate forthrightness as a response, because guess culture folks eventually internalise "they're just like that" and stop feeling hurt
@actuallyautistic

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