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chevalier26

@[email protected]

• Reformed Christian
• Too left for "righties," too right for "lefties"
• Grad student getting my M.A. in History at Liberty University; got my B.S. in Government: Politics & Policy in May 2023
• Medievalist, but really love the 15th century and Hundred Years' War
• Constitutional originalist
• Amateur theologian, meteorologist, astronomer, and photographer
• PC gamer and nerd
#ActuallyAutistic

"Authority is not given to you to deny the return of the king, steward."

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chevalier26 , to ActuallyAutistic group
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@actuallyautistic In the process of completing my online faculty training course to be a GSA next year...literally EVERYTHING is so vague and confusing.

Emailed the faculty coordinator about it and he told me that I was so ahead in the course that I was outpacing the course administrators. So basically, I'm working ahead so quickly that IT and my course instructor haven't had a chance to update my course info, so that's why everything is confusing.

massive eyeroll

chevalier26 , to ActuallyAutistic group
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@actuallyautistic Earlier today I had a conversation/argument with my mom about the mountain laurel tree that is outside my bathroom window at our cabin, which she insisted was NOT a mountain laurel. I said, if you saw mountain laurel flowers would you recognize them? And she said yes, so I showed her photos of the one next to the house and she affirmed that it was a mountain laurel until I told her it was indeed the tree next to the house 🫠 can’t ever win.

chevalier26 , to ActuallyAutistic group
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@actuallyautistic How do y’all deal with people who say that autism doesn’t even exist, and that it “suddenly” cropped up over the past few generations because people have been “mentally coddled”? Somewhat in the same vein as “there is a diagnosis epidemic” but much more extreme.

chevalier26 OP ,
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@manu @actuallyautistic I think I understand what you mean. It’s like how a lot of older individuals will say “well back in my day I ate dirt and drove without a seatbelt” and it’s like yeah…and people your age also had a higher chance of deadly illnesses and traumatic injuries from doing those things.

chevalier26 OP ,
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@MuppetRat @actuallyautistic YES! You put it into words perfectly. Just because we (or a few dense individuals 😂) don’t understand something doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. Like you said, pathogens, cancer, brain tumors, strokes, etc. didn’t have a medical definition until fairly recently but people still died from them in the past.

My question now is why it bothers people SO MUCH when you tell them about autism. Is it insecurity?

chevalier26 , to ActuallyAutistic group
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@actuallyautistic I’m in shock right now and feel like I could burst into tears…my parents and I are out at lunch, and my mom just asked me out of the blue, “what gives you joy?” And I said, “why are you asking me that?” She essentially responded by telling me that to her, I showed no evidence that I had any joy in my life, and that there is nothing that makes me happy.

I’m at a loss for words.

chevalier26 OP ,
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@james @actuallyautistic Exactly. Funnily enough, I had a college friend enlighten me about this the same way. I think you’re onto something with the whole “thinking she failed as a parent” thing with your mom, because I hear the same thing all the time from my mom. There are some signs that my mom might also be ND (other people on here have suggested that as the root cause of our miscommunications), but I highly doubt it given 90% of the other things she says and does.

chevalier26 OP ,
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@dweebish @actuallyautistic It’s interesting you say that, because my mom will get emotional every blue moon and ask me why I never tell her what’s going on in my life, but it never dawns on her or even my dad that nobody asks me in the first place. I don’t feel like it’s even my initiative to tell my own parents these things; in a friendship sure, but parents should want to know about their children (at least, I would if I was a parent). It just strikes me as odd. 1/2

chevalier26 OP ,
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@dweebish @actuallyautistic My grandparents are the only people in my life who are truly invested in who I am, and my grandpa especially was the main reason I even accumulated the funds to go to university. I remember a conversation my parents had a year or two ago (I was in earshot without them knowing); my mom basically said that my grandpa wanted me to get psychologically evaluated early on as a child but she rejected it because I needed a “normal” childhood. 2/2

chevalier26 , to ActuallyAutistic group
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@actuallyautistic It really bothers me when I tell my friends or family about something that upset me, or an incident that made me feel embarrassed/humiliated and they respond in a way that makes me feel even more upset, embarrassed, and humiliated. Things like “how did you even do that? 😂” or “that’s not even a big deal” don’t help and make me feel even worse. It feels a bit like clapping at a waiter/waitress when they drop a plate.

chevalier26 OP ,
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@Zumbador @actuallyautistic Yes! It screams “insecurity” to me.

chevalier26 OP ,
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@punishmenthurts @Zumbador @actuallyautistic Yep! As soon as I explain myself and answer their questions, suddenly nobody feels like responding back to me or even apologizing if it was an especially jabby comment.

chevalier26 OP ,
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@lexx3000 @actuallyautistic I’ve heard conflicting things about this. For some people, they clap to alleviate the embarrassment of dropping a plate, but for others the clapping is for further embarrassment, like “we’re clapping to show that we noticed how much of an idiot you are, great job”. Idk it just rubs me the wrong way.

chevalier26 OP ,
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@lexx3000 @pa @actuallyautistic I’ve had this happen to me too, where I learn something from a movie and expect it to happen in real life. Learned the hard way over and over that movies aren’t the best way to predict human behavior 😭

olena , to ActuallyAutistic group
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I don’t have nostalgia. I don’t miss places. I may remember them vividly, and love something about them, and hold it dear in my heart, but when I leave - I don’t want to come back.
Actually, I feel rather bad if for some reason I have to. Because the place has already changed. Because I have already changed. Because we’re out of sync now(if we ever were). Because I don’t belong. And seeing that hurts actually way more than just not returning.
Maybe it has something to do with the lack of object permanence. Maybe it is more about that autistic refusal to accept the reality which differs from expectations. Inside, I feel like a kid having a meltdown in the middle of the shopping mall because the toy they got was not 100% what they imagined it was going to be. No place is what you remember when you return after leaving. Maybe that’s the reason.

Is it something other people also experience often? Do you feel nostalgic often or refuse to get back?




@actuallyautistic

chevalier26 ,
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@dweebish @olena @actuallyautistic Exactly. I do feel nostalgia, but it is always accompanied by the memories of bad things that happened alongside the good. I had a pretty good childhood that I am grateful for, but I do not ever want to teleport back to my childhood to live that way again. Too many things happened in my childhood that I DON’T want to relive either…

chevalier26 , to ActuallyAutistic group
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@actuallyautistic One of the hardest things for me growing up was realizing that my confusion every time I got in “trouble” with my parents or my teachers was a disconnect in communication. All my explanations were seen as excuses or worse, “talking back.”

I found an Instagram reel that really encapsulates this feeling and it almost brought me to tears because of how real it is: https://www.instagram.com/reel/C7wjdaHR07p/?igsh=a3R0OGI0bTFnaXlu

chevalier26 , to ActuallyAutistic group
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@actuallyautistic Does it bother anyone else when someone folds your laundry for you? I do appreciate the effort and the intention, but half the time I have to go back and refold everything because it wasn’t folded the way I need it to be for me to put it away or organize it properly. I would rather just do all the folding myself lol. Idk, I know that probably seems selfish but it does irk me sometimes.

chevalier26 OP ,
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@homelessjun @actuallyautistic Yes! I have this thing where I fold stuff where the final “folded” edge can be stacked facing outwards so I can grab things out of my closet without having them unfold. Few things bother me more than going to grab something out of my closet and accidentally pulling one layer of all the folds causing everything to unravel 😭 idk if that makes sense but it’s such a pet peeve lol.

chevalier26 OP ,
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@ScottSoCal @actuallyautistic One of my biggest shocks when going to college was just how many people don’t fold their clothes…they just jam them all into their dresser/closet until everything fits or the drawer can close. I can’t even fathom doing that. How are you supposed to find what you’re looking for? Or make sure you haven’t lost a sock or something?

chevalier26 OP ,
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@bhawthorne @homelessjun @actuallyautistic Yes! You get it 😄! I have a way of organizing my dresser and closet when I’m at home and away at college, and they’re pretty much identical. Folded edge toward me so I can grab things out, top drawer for socks and underwear, second drawer for pajama shirts, third drawer for t-shirts, and bottom drawer for pants/pajama bottoms. I have a system 😂

chevalier26 OP ,
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@dweebish @moz @ScottSoCal @actuallyautistic I started rolling my bath towels when I moved into my new dorm last year to save space and it worked wonders!

chevalier26 , to ActuallyAutistic group
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@actuallyautistic
A few months back I picked up Temple Grandin's book "The Autistic Brain: Helping Different Kinds of Minds Succeed" and would definitely recommend it. Grandin's writing style is very easy to understand and she approaches the topic from a logical yet empathetic point of view. There is no beating around the bush when it comes to more complex or taboo issues surrounding autism in the book and I appreciate that. It also helped me discover more things about myself.

chevalier26 , to ActuallyAutistic group
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@actuallyautistic Somehow got into an argument earlier about fractions with my parents, especially the fraction 15/16. I said that 7.5/8 is the same thing as 15/16, because they can be converted to each other by multiplying or dividing the numerator and denominator by 2.

My mom basically said, no, that's not right because it's not a "proper fraction" which doesn't make sense to me. The math checks out, and numerators can have decimal integers. Is there something I'm missing?

chevalier26 OP ,
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@actuallyautistic Not only that, but I was accused of "not knowing how fractions work" even though the math works perfectly and each time I was told I was "wrong," I explained what I actually said and it became clear that my parents misunderstood me.

They still don't agree that it is a valid fraction, even though there's no reason it shouldn't be. It may not be in "standard form" but it is a proper fraction.

chevalier26 OP ,
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@JulieB @actuallyautistic Yep. That’s exactly why. She also said it’s “not normal” to see those types of fractions in academia and I was just speechless like…have you never taken any math classes ever 😭?

Just because one of her entry systems at her job only takes whole integer fractions doesn’t invalidate the mathematical reality of decimal numerators lol.

chevalier26 OP ,
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@moz @actuallyautistic Yeah I get that; actually I think that's what threw my parents off. I was used to seeing those kinds of fractions on school assignments, and even school grades (e.g., 89.5 out of 100 points), and it never really crossed my mind that 7.5/8 was "weird," since I was just converting it to a decimal, 0.9375.

chevalier26 OP ,
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@moz @actuallyautistic I guess, really, the way to do this would not be 7.5/8, but instead (7 1/2)/8. That makes just as much sense in my head but keeps everything uniform.

chevalier26 OP ,
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@servelan @actuallyautistic 100% agree. I think the underlying problem is that I approach math in terms of patterns (though admittedly, I make careless mistakes with a lot of the simple things), so all of those decimals, ratios, and fractions are floating around in my mind as equivalent even though they basically look nothing alike. Idk how to explain it.

It's why I struggled with some areas of math throughout high school because said areas took me longer to find patterns in.

chevalier26 OP ,
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@dweebish @actuallyautistic I completely agree on all fronts. I remember having to do complex math problems with fractions like that and they were indeed a pain in the neck lol.

My point in bringing it up in discussion was just a "this is equal to that" type thing. 15/16 is already in standard form, so there's not really a reason to simplify it further anyway.

Though I don't understand how equating 7.5/8 (a hypothetical) to 15/16 means I "don't understand fractions" as my parents claimed.

chevalier26 OP ,
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@uss_oatmeal @actuallyautistic Unfortunately I think they'd say 15/2 is also not a proper fraction, and to be fair, it isn't one because the numerator is larger than the denominator. But "15/2" was absolutely the math I was doing in my head.

The issue arose because my mom uses a certain data entry system at her job that uses standard form fractions and decimal equivalents in sixteenths (e.g., 5/16 would be 0.5 in their system). Which is WAY more confusing to me than my own mental math 😅.

chevalier26 OP ,
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@katrinakatrinka @uss_oatmeal @actuallyautistic Yep! And that's why the system is confusing. It's set up so that 1/16 = 0.1, 2/16 = 0.2, etc. all the way up to 15/16 = 0.15 and 16/16 = 1.0. I have no idea who thought of this but it makes absolutely no sense.

chevalier26 OP ,
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@katrinakatrinka @uss_oatmeal @actuallyautistic It would be 0.10 😭

chevalier26 OP ,
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@katrinakatrinka @uss_oatmeal @actuallyautistic Exactly. I guess maybe their system reads it by the number of digits and their numerical value?

The company is called Hood Container and they make packaging, corrugated, and graphic displays. My mom said that the sixteenths system is for determining the thickness of different types of corrugated, but that still doesn't explain WHY the system is set up that way. I really don't know.

chevalier26 OP ,
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@moz @katrinakatrinka @uss_oatmeal @actuallyautistic Haha, I'm not entirely sure. Probably just a data entry error.

chevalier26 OP ,
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@moz @katrinakatrinka @uss_oatmeal @actuallyautistic I think Hood Container might be using the decimal inch system for these measurements. At least, that's the closest thing I've found so far. But it still doesn't explain the decimal values for fractions over 9/16. My best guess is that it's a system unique to Hood Container, or at least to packaging companies.

chevalier26 OP ,
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@katrinakatrinka @uss_oatmeal @actuallyautistic So I heard my mom talking about this system again today, and I think she accidentally said the wrong things yesterday without realizing it. It should be 0.01 for 1/16, 0.02 for 2/16, etc.

She definitely got mixed up yesterday because I 100% heard her tell me that 0.1 was 1/16 in the system. I apologize for the confusion! I think it is actually the decimal inch system after all.

chevalier26 , to ActuallyAutistic group
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@actuallyautistic Just called my eye doctor to reschedule an appointment, probably my first time ever doing that alone 😭 such a weight off my shoulders.

Not only that, but the appointment was moved to this Wednesday so less time to stress over it!

chevalier26 , to ActuallyAutistic group
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@actuallyautistic Recently took the questionnaire on the Sachs Center website and have to say I REALLY appreciate how they provide further clarification for questions that may be confusing.

It helped me take the test quicker and probably allows for more accurate test results overall. I wish all tests/quizzes/instructions were like that!

melindrea , to ActuallyAutistic group
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Reading wikipedia on autism for Reasons (tm).

I don't get it. Why is it so important that we don't stim? Like, there are some that are contextually inappropriate (loud noises when it might disturb others, for instance), but outside of those few things ... what's the problem with hand flapping, body wiggling, hair twirling, vocalizing in repetitive ways when it's not distracting/disturbing, etc, etc, etc?

Bah, humbug >.< @actuallyautistic

chevalier26 ,
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@melindrea @actuallyautistic I’ve wondered this too. At least among my family, my parents tried to get me to stop doing certain “stims” in public when I was little because they felt it embarrassed both me and them, and made them look like bad parents and made me look like a mentally ill weirdo.

Other than that idk the reasons some people say NOT to do it.

chevalier26 ,
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@melindrea @actuallyautistic Additionally, I think there’s a certain level of “this person lacks self-control” that goes through an NT person’s head if they see someone stim. Even NTs who tap their foot or something will get reprimanded or made fun of by other NTs for doing it because it shows “lack of restraint,” or in my case, “anxiety,” because bouncing your leg totally means you’re…worried? Idk.

chevalier26 , to ActuallyAutistic group
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@actuallyautistic Was anyone else ever made fun of/scolded as a kid because you "were not assertive enough"? I would often get in trouble for "not saying 'no'" or other 'grievous' things growing up, and I remember being very hurt by that.

Saying "no" has always been hard for me because I've always struggled with being confident/setting boundaries. Every time I have tried to set boundaries I was perceived as rude, so I decided at some point in my childhood to stop setting them.

chevalier26 OP ,
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@actuallyautistic The solution to being bullied in school was always for me to "stand up for myself," yet nobody stopped to tell me HOW to stand up for myself.

chevalier26 , to ActuallyAutistic group
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@actuallyautistic Someone mentioned "odd" sleep schedules the other day; I think I finally experienced a good dose of the "odd."

Went to bed Sunday night around 1:30 AM, slept until 2:00 PM somehow. Tried to go to bed Monday night at 1:30 AM but was wide awake. Decided to stay up until sunrise because why not, there was no point in trying to get sleep. Still wide awake, I thought taking a shower at 5:30 AM would be productive.

I am still wide awake and it is now 6:24 AM 😂

chevalier26 , to ActuallyAutistic group
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@actuallyautistic Any tips on how to deal with imposter syndrome? 😅 It's really been affecting me lately, and I'm not sure why.

I feel like I can never quite be certain that the things I KNOW are true about myself are actually true, like my brain is willingly playing tricks on itself.

chevalier26 OP ,
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@Zumbador @actuallyautistic Mostly about autism, but also more generally in my abilities as a writer/other skills since I started grad school last year.

It tends to flare up every now and then, and I think it really has recently because I was accepted as a graduate assistant. Conflicting feelings of "I'm not worthy of this at all" and "If I wasn't capable they would've picked someone else."

chevalier26 OP ,
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@arcadetoken @actuallyautistic See that's the thing, I try to connect with those parts of my identity but sometimes I still feel like a fraud because I tell myself those parts are "not a big deal" and other people have better examples of autistic traits.

And it further frustrates me that NOBODY noticed anything when I was growing up, at least that I know of, even though my entire childhood screamed "autism" since I can remember and knowing what I know now about autistic traits. 1/2

chevalier26 OP ,
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@arcadetoken @actuallyautistic When I was in preschool, I remember getting permission from my teacher to sit alone in class in low lighting, practicing my spelling while all the other kids were in chapel. I hated how all the other kids would scream and yell.

I also vividly remember needing earplugs for my preschool graduation, because I didn't like the singing, clapping, yelling, etc. I also would hold my ears shut when flushing a toilet, something I still do today. 2/2

chevalier26 , to ActuallyAutistic group
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@actuallyautistic Has anyone ever told you that you were “too vague”? Earlier I was talking with my mom about our plan to leave our cabin and I said “the only reason I’d need to come back after we eat lunch would be to shower” and she said “well you can do that at home” (I had already mentioned earlier how I wanted to shower at home). So I said “that’s my whole point” which started an argument about how I’m not clear in mt communication. 1/2

chevalier26 OP ,
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@pa @Pawpower @actuallyautistic That’s a good point! I wonder too if I tend to avoid being “too clear” around family because I’m often harassed over that as well. It’s like I try to walk on eggshells but still can’t win 😭

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