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artemis

@[email protected]

#horror and #ttrpg enthusiast.

I'm a bisexual anti-capitalist, and I strongly believe in (at bare minimum) punching Nazis. Reproductive rights and civil liberties for all! Trans rights are human rights. The Palestinian people have a right to self-determination, life, and freedom—just block me if you think otherwise.

#nobot #noindex and no goddamn scrapers.

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artemis , to ActuallyAutistic group
@artemis@dice.camp avatar

"People online are convincing themselves that they are autistic/ADHD. It's a fad."

Setting aside how I (ADHD) benefit from online communities, online autistic communities are the reason I can a) talk about & acknowledge my autistic partner's experiences freely without stigma or judgment and b) actually provide him with insight into those experiences based on the wealth of knowledge that autistic folks provide online.

Fuck anyone who has a problem with that.
@actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd

olena , to ActuallyAutistic group
@olena@mementomori.social avatar

“Don’t assume, ask” - is the approach I share. However, there are many people to whom asking seems like something rude and inappropriate. And those people would assume.
The thing is, I am one of those people that usually can’t be accurately assumed: if you’d think a person that does this and this would also do that, the one who likes this and this would hate that and so on - most probably, I’d not follow that pattern. For that very reason I’ve been called ‘eclectic’, or less politely - ‘messy’, ‘illogical’, and all sorts of weird - most of my life, and for that very reason some people are kinda afraid of me: they can’t predict because their assumptions aren’t correct.
In turn, for me it’s very frustrating/confusing to see that someone is offended by me asking directly instead of assuming because all I want is to avoid any misunderstanding and clarify things.
I feel like is quite an eclectic thing per se(due to some aspects looking from a certain point of view as opposite to those of ), so maybe that is the key to me being so, well, contradictory in eyes of other people.
I wonder, if that asking is just desire to have things clear and precise, or assuming/asking divide does not correspond to the NT/ND one

@actuallyautistic

artemis ,
@artemis@dice.camp avatar

@olena @actuallyautistic
It's still hard making myself ask though because it does often turn out when I ask that I am (apparently) the only one who thought of alternative ways to do something or alternative meanings, so people are puzzled by my questions because they thought the thing they said could only mean one thing, but... That's why I ask.

artemis ,
@artemis@dice.camp avatar

@olena @actuallyautistic
I'm not autistic just ADHD, but I've had to teach myself in recent years to have the courage to ask instead of wildly guessing what people mean/want.

Like you say, many people seem to find it rude to ask for clarification, but I've realized that it isn't worth worrying about the opinion of anyone who is going to get mad at someone for trying to understand and get something right.

artemis ,
@artemis@dice.camp avatar

@olena @rebekka_m @actuallyautistic
This was me in college. A student would ask a question, and a professor would answer a similar question, but not the one the student was trying to ask and back and forth it would go.

dyani , to ActuallyAutistic group
@dyani@social.coop avatar

How would you explain to someone who is neurotypical (a nice one who wants to understand) what body doubling is and why it's helpful and sometimes even necessary for overwhelming tasks?

I've had to describe this to my very lovely NT friend and my explanation sucked lol. Pls help.

@actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd

artemis ,
@artemis@dice.camp avatar

@dyani @actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd
Body doubling often reduces the tediousness of something and provides additional stimulus to stave off mind-numbing boredom. I like to have conversations on the phone when I'm doing repetitive work or cleaning the house. The part of my brain that wants interesting activity gets to have a conversation, while the boring bits of me do the boring bit.

CynAq , to ActuallyAutistic group
@CynAq@neurodifferent.me avatar

“Go out of your comfort zone to grow as a person and become capable of doing more things”

Translation for my and friends for whom this doesn’t seem to work:

“Get yourself exposed to more uncomfortable situations which the neurotypical brain will automagically become desensitized to”

My brain doesn’t get desensitized to virtually anything. “Go out of your comfort zone” isn’t the helpful encouragement you think it is for me.

@actuallyautistic

artemis ,
@artemis@dice.camp avatar

@CynAq @actuallyautistic
I feel like what I need more is encouragement and help to expand my comfort zone, not get out of it.

That is, there are strategies that can be used to make experiences easier or more fun or less anxiety-inducing (we all have our own coping mechanisms). Instead of being pushed into uncomfortable situations, being allowed to decide how to be exposed to things in your own time and your own way is so much better.

Susan60 , to ActuallyAutistic group
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

Wondering whether some older undiagnosed autistics might’ve been mis-diagnosed with dementia due to poorer executive function as they age & cope less well with stress. @actuallyautistic

artemis ,
@artemis@dice.camp avatar

@Tooden @Susan60 @actuallyautistic
They do kind of treat panic and anxiety as symptoms without a cause. They aren't treated as standalone issues (I don't think they usually are standalone, but...), because if they were, they would have to be taken seriously. But they also will just diagnose "anxiety" and call it a day without any effort to figure out a cause.

Zumbador , to ActuallyAutistic group
@Zumbador@mefi.social avatar

@actuallyautistic

Here's something that causes friction between me and my family.

Someone asks me to make a decision about something I don't have a strong preference, but they want me to have a preference.

"do you want x or y? "

Saying "I don't care" comes across as rude, and even softening it as "I don't really have a preference" or turning it back to them by saying "what do you think?" isn't appreciated. They want me to care.

I understand that they want me to choose so they don't have to do that emotional labour. That's fair. But often when I do choose (at random), they try to change my mind, and then I'm back to square one because I don't really care, and I don't want to lie!

A honest answer would be "I'm depressed, I don't want to exist. Putting on a polite face is taking up all my effort, expecting me to actually care is beyond my capacity"

But that's too heavy for most interactions.

I'm not sure what I'm asking for here, just writing it out.

artemis ,
@artemis@dice.camp avatar

@Zumbador @actuallyautistic
Yeah, that type of thing sucks. Honestly when forced into decision-making by people who care more than I do, I usually suggest one thing, and if people start arguing with me then I assume they probably want the other but are too "polite" to just say what they want.

Not 100% foolproof, but sometimes you have to "trick" people into admitting what they actually want because they won't just say it outright.

artemis ,
@artemis@dice.camp avatar

@WhiteCatTamer @Zumbador @actuallyautistic
Yeah, this is what definitely lowers the success rate of this strategy. It CAN work, but sometimes people just seem committed to being inscrutable.

ashleyspencer , to ActuallyAutistic group
@ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

For AuDHD:

Which terms do you prefer to use?

Do you use ‘have’ or ‘I am’ to describe your autism and ADHD?

Personally, I’m the first one and use ‘I am’ to describe both.

Just curious to see how common each one is. 🙂

@actuallyautistic
@audhd

artemis ,
@artemis@dice.camp avatar

@hauchvonstaub @ashleyspencer @actuallyautistic @audhd
I really wish we had a better term for ADHD for this purpose. I say "I have ADHD" for the same reasons you do, but I don't really like identifying ADHD as something I "have" when it's literally part of who I am, not an optional add-on.

LehtoriTuomo , to ActuallyAutistic group
@LehtoriTuomo@mementomori.social avatar

I've been trying to understand what it means that an autistic brain is bombarded with so much information. We spent some time at our summer cottage and I think I got some insight in this.

Instead of seeing the lake in front of my eyes, everywhere I looked I saw a detail. Its size would vary but it would still be a detail. A swan there, its partner there, no leaves on that tree yet, what a cool pattern on the small waves, what does it look like when I move my eyes this way, or that way, a car on the opposite shore, the shadow of the tree, I wonder what seagulls those are etc. A new detail with every single glance.

At the same time my attention tried to keep track of the dog and listened to birds singing and bumblebees flying around.

Now I wonder what it feels like just to see the lake.

@actuallyautistic

artemis ,
@artemis@dice.camp avatar

@alexisbushnell @roknrol @Zumbador @melindrea @LehtoriTuomo @actuallyautistic
Haha. I write using an outline, but I used to turn in fake "drafts" of already finished papers, where I took stuff out and dumbed it down, because we were supposed to turn them in at various stages but that's not really how I write.

I don't write and rewrite papers. By the time it contains everything from the introduction to the conclusion, the paper is in what will be its final form except for proofreading.

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