@alicemcalicepants@ohai.social cover
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alicemcalicepants

@[email protected]

Insecure mixed content. Web editor, erstwhile historian, book blogger, board gamer, short story writer. Own views etc.

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Schnuckster , to bookstodon group
@Schnuckster@beige.party avatar

People actually write whole books on a single profile from that Myers-Briggs bollocks. Amazing. @bookstodon

alicemcalicepants ,
@alicemcalicepants@ohai.social avatar

@Schnuckster @bookstodon is it about surviving as an ENFP, or surviving someone who proclaims to be one 🤔

olena , to ActuallyAutistic group
@olena@mementomori.social avatar

Do you guys also combine almost pathological conflict avoidance - and the brilliant talent to create a conflict out of nothing just trying to explain your point of view or to point out some factual error another person made while talking about your special interest?

I don’t defend myself, I don’t tell I don’t like something or that I see that I am being taken advantage of or being lied to, or that someone hurts me - I never raise a voice and tell that, or question them, or demand my rights and all - because I am terribly afraid on conflicts. Not even that I won’t be liked, or that there’s going to be some consequence or anything. Just a conflict itself. I’m scared even when there’s a conflict that doesn’t include me nearby, but even the shadow of an idea that something I may say may create a conflict makes me go silent, and just dodge and tolerate more, doesn’t matter how bad I feel.

But when just discussing something - I mean not something important, may be a birds name, a train route from 80-s, the way some thing works etc - any abstract staff that doesn’t correspond to my life in any way - especially when I clearly see the opponent is making the factual error or denying my actual experience with the topic - it does create a conflict, and people would say I am a conflicting person, I am the one who likes to just disagree and all.

Is that desire to avoid conflict at all costs - and the inability to actually spot when another person starts to see your discussion as a conflict - some thing?



@actuallyautistic

alicemcalicepants ,
@alicemcalicepants@ohai.social avatar

@olena @actuallyautistic yep! For example, it's so hard to keep quiet when I know my mum is misremembering something, but I know she'll go apeshit with me for being antagonisting/undermining her if I do.

At the same time, I experience conflict, even if I'm not involved in it, as a mortal threat and go into fight or flight.

Those two things may be connected, actually 🫠

Zumbador , to ActuallyAutistic group
@Zumbador@mefi.social avatar

@actuallyautistic

Here's something that causes friction between me and my family.

Someone asks me to make a decision about something I don't have a strong preference, but they want me to have a preference.

"do you want x or y? "

Saying "I don't care" comes across as rude, and even softening it as "I don't really have a preference" or turning it back to them by saying "what do you think?" isn't appreciated. They want me to care.

I understand that they want me to choose so they don't have to do that emotional labour. That's fair. But often when I do choose (at random), they try to change my mind, and then I'm back to square one because I don't really care, and I don't want to lie!

A honest answer would be "I'm depressed, I don't want to exist. Putting on a polite face is taking up all my effort, expecting me to actually care is beyond my capacity"

But that's too heavy for most interactions.

I'm not sure what I'm asking for here, just writing it out.

alicemcalicepants ,
@alicemcalicepants@ohai.social avatar

@roknrol @Zumbador @actuallyautistic I'm so accustomed to trying to please people and not cause too much inconvenience that, in my case, 'I don't mind' = 'whatever's easier for you'.

When I was 10 or 11, my friend's dad asked me if I wanted potatoes or chips for dinner and I was like 'whichever you'd prefer to cook', and it was only when he pressed me on it that I felt okay to say I wanted chips more.

theautisticcoach , to ActuallyAutistic group
@theautisticcoach@neurodifferent.me avatar

How do my comrades react to their things being misplaced or moved?

@actuallyautistic

alicemcalicepants ,
@alicemcalicepants@ohai.social avatar

@theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic not very well 😅

ChrisMayLA6 , to bookstodon group
@ChrisMayLA6@zirk.us avatar

This week I've been mainly reading, no. 151.

Holly Pester's short novel The Lodgers (2024), is a timely mediation on the unanchored life of the peripatetic life of the renter/lodger. At times elliptical, with two narratives whose relations remains unsettled, this is a book which offers a real feeling for a key element of modern life; moving from one lodging/rental to another. While at time wry, it remains elegiac in its approach to tenant's despair & longing.


@bookstodon

alicemcalicepants ,
@alicemcalicepants@ohai.social avatar

@ChrisMayLA6 @bookstodon if you're into crime thrillers (I don't know if you are) you might like Lesley Kara's The Other Tenant, where the characters are property guardians.

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