Zumbador

Ilovechai , 1 month ago to ActuallyAutistic group

I don't have the spoons to explain why I feel my neurodivergence is making this worse, but I need feedback or insight from other ND people on a unique experience. This will be a long thread (added in replies) but I'm hopeful there will be a few kind readers who either relate or have something supportive to share.
Here goes:
1/
@actuallyautistic @actuallyaudhd
#recoveringfromreligion
#LateDiagnosedAutism
#actuallyautistic #neurodivergent

Zumbador , 1 month ago

@JoBlakely @Ilovechai @actuallyautistic @actuallyaudhd

I used to love going to the dog park. It's easy to talk to dog people, all you have to do is be interested in their dog. No social awkwardness for me. Also, I recognise the dogs and remember their names, not true of their humans.

mariyadelano , 1 month ago to ActuallyAutistic group

Question for fellow @actuallyautistic and @actuallyadhd neurodivergent folks:

How do you explain your ideas to neurotypicals?

I constantly struggle because my brain has made connections that are not obvious to others, and when I try to guide them through my thinking I confuse them with details or by skipping explanations that seem obvious to me but completely surprising to anyone else.

Frameworks, links, anything is appreciated!

Zumbador , 1 month ago

@mariyadelano @actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd

Oh I totally have this struggle too.

What I try to do now it to start with the context ("why do you need to know this"), and check in with the person whether they understand the context.
Then I go down some levels to a basic principle, but before I explain it, I contextualise it too ("this is what makes x possible" or whatever).

And if possible, I divide the explanation into discrete units, stopping after each step to give them a chance to try for themselves, or discuss, or have a break.

Most people don't absorb new information in more than one step at a time, without a chance to put it into practice. That might mean they get to ask a question, or you ask them to come up with examples other than what you've just provided. Anything to get them out of passive listening and into active thinking mode.

Zumbador , 1 month ago to ActuallyAutistic group

@actuallyautistic

I have half formed thoughts about autism and externality. Not sure if "externality" is the right word?

I seem to be much more entangled with objects and my environment than most people, and I think that's a autistic (and ADHD?) thing.

Having to use notes and lists to remember things and organise my thinking, as if my memory resides as much on paper and digitally, as it does in my brain.

Having strong empathy for non-living things, as if harming them is harming myself.

My relationship with my home: I don't really feel safe and relaxed anywhere else, and I strongly dislike other people (except for my husband) being in my space. As if my space is an extension of myself.

All of these things feel like different manifestations of the boundaries between myself and everything else being blurred.

#ActuallyAutistic

Zumbador OP , 1 month ago

@juhanarasanen @actuallyautistic

Yes exactly! That's what I was the kind of thing I was thinking about.

Zumbador OP , 1 month ago

@pathfinder @actuallyautistic

That's an interesting thought.

I remember, as a small child, thinking about all the other people out there, and each of them thinking of themselves as the main character in their story, just as I think of myself... and yet we're all part of the same story. So how could that be?

(I didn't have the words to articulate that thought at the time. I think we often underestimate children because of that.)

That seems like a similar thing to what you're pointing out, the joining the dots in ways you're maybe not expected to.

Zumbador OP , 1 month ago

@dorian
"Broadly, all distinctions of seperateness break down upon deep examination"

Yes, exactly. And people often confuse the seperations we make for efficient thinking and communication, (like categories and labels) , with actual difference.

@handmade_ghost @weirdofhermiston @actuallyautistic

LehtoriTuomo , 1 month ago to ActuallyAutistic group

One reason why it took me so long to self-diagnose autism is that I thought I don't stim. In fact, once I learned that I do stim, my self-diagnosis process kicked in. That was the first time I said to myself that I might actually be autistic.

The reason for this misunderstanding was that I thought stimming is stereotypical, very repetitive, compulsory movement. I guess this misunderstanding is quite common.

I've since learned that stimming, short for self-stimulatory behavior, is basically stimulating one's sensory system in certain ways. It may be a way to soothe oneself, help to focus in overwhelming situations by feeding one's brain predictable sensory input, a way to express joy, or simply something that feels nice. Movements are part of it but any sense can be used.

When googling the term, there are mentions that also neurotypicals stim but that when diagnosing autism, stimming is somehow different -- only socially unacceptable stims are "real" stims. Bah.

I've started paying attention to how and when I stim, and collect a list of stims I do. I've noticed all types of stimming behavior (soothing, focusing, joy, fun). I do it more than before -- or maybe I just notice it more often. I've noticed that I love moving my body parts, especially to music. I also love different textures.

#ActuallyAutistic #stimming @actuallyautistic

Zumbador , 1 month ago

@theendismeh

Be Kind, I don't know if you listen to podcasts, but The Neurodivergent Woman podcast did a really good episode on stimming recently.

They talk to a woman who is doing research on stimming from an autistic perspective.

Basically the "official" established view is that stimming is a repetitive movement behaviour that serves no purpose. (notice the neurotypical point of view!)

But autistic people tend to define stimming as any behaviour that helps you regulate yourself. It might be repetitive movement (tapping, rocking, flapping hands) or it might be listening to nature sounds, or looking at patterns and colours, or saying satisfying phrases.

The definition of stimming, from an internal, autistic perspective is the intensity of the experience, and that it helps you regulate yourself.

@melindrea @darrellpf @LehtoriTuomo @actuallyautistic

Zumbador , 1 month ago

@theendismeh

This is the episode https://omny.fm/shows/the-neurodivergent-woman/stimming-with-marie-camin

@melindrea @darrellpf @LehtoriTuomo @actuallyautistic

dyani , 1 month ago to ActuallyAutistic group

Yesterday was my 1 year AuDHD anniversary!

1 year since the most life-changing realization ever. My resting heart rate dropped by ~10 points after I figured it out.

Knowing this about myself has given me so much peace & confidence. It's given me even more compassion for myself and others. I advocate for my needs now, and I have better boundaries.

Every day I marvel at how amazing we ND folks are, and how much we bring to the world.

I so appreciate this community!

@actuallyautistic

Zumbador , 1 month ago

@dyani @actuallyautistic

One year! I bet it feels simultaneously much shorter than a year and much longer.

Self compassion really is key for this process

dilmandila , 1 month ago to blackmastodon group

Author copies arrived of this bulky anthology of African ghost stories. Now I can say that my story was published in the same book as the legend, Amos Tutuola!

@bookstodon @blackmastodon #books #ghost #ghosts #africa #africanwriters #sff #fantasy #gothic #horror #writing #writingcommunity

Zumbador , 1 month ago

@dilmandila

That looks awesome! Congratulations

@bookstodon @blackmastodon

JeremyMallin , 1 month ago to ActuallyAutistic group

Does anyone ever consider learning sign language not because they can't speak, but just because sometimes they don't want to? Or don't feel up to it?
#ActuallyAutistic @actuallyautistic

Zumbador , 1 month ago

@nellie_m @JeremyMallin @actuallyautistic @pathfinder

Up till recently my husband taught at a school for the Deaf. He learned sign language. It's quite challenging to learn as an adult, but also fascinating.

I'd be more inclined to use text to communicate if I can't speak. Mostly because almost no one I know understands sign language so it won't help me communicate

pathfinder , 1 month ago to ActuallyAutistic group

@actuallyautistic
@actuallyadhd

After joining a post by Niamh Garvey (hopefully a successful link to it below) about whether she had adhd as well as autism, I have spent the last couple of days contemplating this idea for myself as well.

I am still not entirely convinced, but I am beginning to suspect that I might well be in this situation as well. After watching a number of YouTube videos from those with both autism and adhd and reading up on adhd, I can see a number of things that point on that direction certainly, although I'm not entirely convinced.

I have always been aware of the near overwhelming urge to either interrupt people, because there is something I want to say and if I don't then, then I know there is a more than a reasonable chance that I will forget what it was. I also have a tendency to want to finish people's sentences. Both of these things though I have taught myself to resist. Even though I feel a great deal of discomfort doing so. I am also more than aware that I can forget what I was saying, or thinking, halfway through a sentence. That digging through the trash to find the package with the instructions on, that I only just threw away after reading, is not uncommon. As is failing completely to understand or remember the instructions someone just gave me.

But then, my short term (working) memory is basically non-existent. But, I'm also aware that this is a fairly common problem for autistics and even before I realised I was autistic, I built up systems to help myself deal with this. As well as with my general forgetfulness. Lists, memory aids, even making the route out of my flat a trip hazard to make sure I don't forget to take something with me. Also, I live alone and essentially there is a place for everything and everything has its place. Not foolproof and I have lost things in a very small flat that I still haven't found. But generally speaking effective.

I struggle to start tasks, especially tasks that I have no real interest, or desire to do. Being interested in something has always been my main motivator. But eventually, I can normally force myself and work my way through things, especially if I know they are necessary. Knowing I have this problem is also why I hate leaving things to the last moment. I know that I am more than capable of doing that if I allow myself, but also that the stress from doing so is nearly overwhelming, even if it can be motivational. As is the stress of clutter. Not the organised clutter that is my flat, where I know where everything is, as in somewhere in that pile over there, but the clutter that builds up eventually and begins to feel as if it is out of control.

Novelty is a factor in my life. Or, boredom, rather. Because sooner, although far more likely later, I will grow bored with routines, or things like safe foods, and need to change them. Many of my interests also seem to suffer from a similar threshold. A certain point where I lose interest and no longer feel any need to maintain them, even though this might make me feel guilty about giving up on them. In fact, I hate boredom and I have always needed a certain amount of new things to watch, or discover and to be actively doing stuff, if only in my head. And whilst I have never thought of myself as being particularly spontaneous or impulsive. I am, within certain limits of self-control. There is a rationality that often has to be appeased that gives me a sense of control. I have also taken stupid risks and great risks. But rarely beyond what I knew was necessary, or to my mind, at least, controlled to a point.

I can be easily distracted, by random thoughts or by, (well obviously not squirrels, I mean who would be? but, oh, oh, there's a butterfly) things. But not always to the point that I'm not at least marginally still aware of what I should be paying attention to. Letting myself wander whilst maintaining at least a marginal awareness is an old trick of mine. I have always been a fidgeter, but that's also how I maintained concentration. Feeling the overwhelming need to move, has always seemed to me to be anxiety driven, or is the way I focus and think. In fact, movement for me has always been as much about settling and regulating myself, as it has been compulsive.

As I said, there are certain things that seem to fit, even if they also seem to have been effected and possibly modified by my autism. I would love to hear your thoughts.

https://beige.party/@[email protected]/112390279791932822#

Zumbador , 1 month ago

@pathfinder @actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd

I think we're going to see some big changes in how ADHD /Audhd /autism is defined and categorised in the next few years.

I don't know whether this will be autism broken into distinct sub-types, or ADHD becoming an aspect of autism, or some other division or combination.

In the meantime I'm holding onto these labels lightly and only referring to them in as much as they help me understand myself, and find community of like minded people.

The traits you recognise in yourself are a real phenomenon. Unless you think they're caused by something that requires treatment or managed in ways other than what you're already doing, you can't really go wrong with exploring this new aspect of your self-realisation.

You might figure out an explanation other than Audhd, or it might start feeling like a helpful label.

For myself, the more I learn about it, the more Audhd fits my experience.

Zumbador , 1 month ago

@andrewhinton

Yes I agree. It's helpful to have terminology, but the categories shouldn't be confused with what they're describing.

@miaoue @actuallyautistic @pathfinder @actuallyadhd

niamhgarvey , 1 month ago to ActuallyAutistic group

Doctor suggested I have #ADHD but I don't think I do because:
I am able to force myself to do things even if I'm not interested in it.
I do not like spontaneity.
When I have a deadline, I cannot leave it to the last minute or anxiety would cripple me.
But I do struggle to pay attention unless am hyperfocused. And I do have executive function challenges. And I have to have a project. And I crave dopamine hits.

Anyone else similar to that?
@actuallyautistic
@actuallyadhd

Zumbador , 1 month ago

@megstev

O fantasties! Nog 'n Afrikaanse Mastodon don persoon! 🙂✨❤️

@actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd

Zumbador , 1 month ago

@megstev @actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd O jisklaaik ek kan my voorstel. Ek het in Stellenbosch groot geword - my ouers was anti-apartheid en ons het nie kerk toe gegaan nie. So ek het nooit uitgefigure dat daar ook ander, autistiese redes was hoekom ek nie ingepas het nie. Maar dit was in the tagtigs meestal. Dinge was darem 'n bietjie makliker teen daai tyd.

Zumbador , 1 month ago

@megstev @actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd Nou ja! Dit was 'n ander wereld. My ouer broer en susters was deel van daardie studente proteste, maar ek was nog op skool. Al wat ek kon doen was om te weier om vir Die Stem op aandag te staan 😆