Tim_McTuffty

Tim_McTuffty , 6 days ago to ActuallyAutistic group

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 239 , Sunday 23/06/2024

Got a decent nights sleep last night Geoff behaved himself which was nice.
Up initially around 4am , had a chat with a dear friend & then managed another hour or so snoozing , finally getting up around 8.

On the whole not a bad day.

So I get loads of notifications on Mastodon because I like to interact with as many folk as I can, it can take hours to catch up sometimes. I have the time most days so this is not a problem. Sometimes though it is hard for me to do more than just answer with a hug or a smile because it is hard for me to formulate answers that will not offend or seem glib or cutting.
My autistic mind makes me blunt, it makes me say things that lack social subtleties , it makes me see over familiar or too distant. So when I cannot come up with response that I feel will be acceptable I fall back onto smiles & hugs to show I care hopefully.
Also there are only so many hours in a day , when one has 200 toots to respond to then sometimes brevity is required.
I was criticised for being too brief today, all I can say is I’m sorry ,I’m only a small squirrel of Pooh bear like intelligence & I try my best.

Final Thoughts.

I was playing around with Mona (the Mastodon app I use ) today & have managed to lose all my user notes that I used to keep track of time offsets & nicknames , birthdays etc. Very frustrating because they were crucial;l aids for one such as I with the memory of a concussed goldfish!
Hey ho.

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

Tim_McTuffty OP , 6 days ago

@HeatherMJ @actuallyautistic Thank you 🙏

You too sweetie 🤗🥰

Tim_McTuffty OP , 6 days ago

@DoubleTreble @HeatherMJ @actuallyautistic Awww Thank you 🙏

Have a lovely evening DT 🤗🥰

Tim_McTuffty OP , 5 days ago

@PixysJourney @actuallyautistic Hey Cynni 🤗🥰

It wasn’t meant as a criticism, merely a reflection on my inability to communicate properly. Worded badly. I’m sorry it upset you so. 😟

I think this is a classic example of 2 autistic folk proving that they have issues reading people & communicating effectively.

Human communication is seen as one of the most complex activities humans have to learn, to paraphrase Lorna Wing ‘it’s no wonder Autistic folk find it difficult’ . In those of us who have less obvious autistic traits, the failure to communicate effectively is often the giveaway I suspect.

NT folk will volunteer a “I struggle with communication too’ here but, as I discovered in my ASD assessment report, ND folk don’t just struggle because we either never learnt the skills or are ‘socially awkward’ although those reasons can apply too, we fundamentally have no concept of certain key components of human communication. We never developed them because our Neurospicy brains went off on a tangent.

Ironically a thought about sometimes needing brevity in my replies has lead to a fairly chunky response.

Thank you 🙏 it was not a bad day at all 🤗

It was late when I wrote the last of my diary entry so I had completely forgotten about the gardening at that point, but thank you 🤗🥰

I shall try harder to answer your toots, my CCDP 🧚‍♀️🥰

Tim_McTuffty OP , 5 days ago

@PixysJourney @actuallyautistic You too CCDP 🧚‍♀️🥰💜

Tim_McTuffty , 7 days ago to ActuallyAutistic group

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 238 , Saturday 22/06/2024

I was up at just gone 6:30am far too early for a Saturday but it’s less hassle to make breakfast for both of us than it is to do it any other way.

My feet seem to be improving , walking around barefoot (well in socks but same difference) with not too much pain.

Today has been quiet, mostly floating around the Fediverse , a little reading. Some chores so the house is vaguely habitable.

Tried some alcohol free cider tonight , let’s see if Geoff complains later!

Final Thoughts.

Just enjoying the moment.

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

Tim_McTuffty OP , 7 days ago

@aspiedan @actuallyautistic Thank you 🙏

Tim_McTuffty OP , 7 days ago

@ldmay65 @actuallyautistic Thanks Donna 🤗🥰

You enjoy the rest of your day sweetie 😊🫶🐿️🖖

Tim_McTuffty OP , 7 days ago

@DoubleTreble @actuallyautistic I know 😭😭😭

Tim_McTuffty OP , 6 days ago

@PixysJourney @actuallyautistic Awww Thank you 🙏

Love the pic !

Sleep well CCDP 🧚‍♀️🥰💜

Tim_McTuffty , 9 days ago to ActuallyAutistic group

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 236 , Thursday 20/06/2024

Geoff was subdued with a new course of colchicine yesterday then pain killers to make sur eye behaved overnight.

Was up late last night moving MAJ1 to Beige.Party, so many folks have sound him in his new home & shared timelines with him again , very chuffed !

The CDP 🧚‍♀️ kept me company, for which I am grateful 😊

My foot is a lot better today, I’m still favouring it & elevating it but it is getting there!

Spent most of the day flolloping around the Fediverse (keen Hitch-hikers will argue that only live mattresses on Squornshellous Zeta can flollop but I would argue Squirrels can too!)

Had posh fish n chips for tea, smoked salmon & salad with chippy chips ! Yummy & mostly healthy .

Final Thoughts.

My brain is trying to second guess my moving MAJ1 , wondering if it was the right thing to do, wondering if it would change the experience of the Fediverse .
I stamped hard on these thoughts & looked at the positive side, that folk have reshared my MAJ1 timeline , that peeps are engaging & that I have a second account where I can wax lyrical. 😊

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

Tim_McTuffty OP , 8 days ago

@PixysJourney @actuallyautistic Thank you 🙏

Another lovely pic too 🤗🥰

Tim_McTuffty , 10 days ago to ActuallyAutistic group

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 235 , Wednesday 19/06/2024

TL;DR Geoff hates me, misgendereation ,Mastodon moves are afoot, cats & the art of bird catching !

Geoff was a gut wrenching SoB last night, apparently standing for any length of time is a no,no. However I have his measure now & medicated his ass! (Do toes have asses ? ) so somewhere around midnight after some nice chats with a couple of lovely friends (who I how will still be friends by the end of this post🫣🤞🥰) I managed to get to sleep.

Up at just before 6am.

Started to make breakfast when yon OH opened the kitchen door to the garage & discovered Alice had brought a live present. So rather than shooing her out Mrs S. closed the door & looked expectantly at me, the vanished into the lounge closing all the doors behind her.

Turns out Alice had delivered a fledgling, which promptly vanished down the side of the washing machine! 🙄🤦‍♂️

As I was clearing a path to rescue the little perisher it did a 180 & vanished behind the washing machine , eschewing the more easily accessible (for me) space under the shelves next to the washer!
I pulled the washing machine out but the little sod (you’ll notice I’m becoming less enamoured with our uninvited guest) vanished behind the 6ft tall freezer next to the washing machine!

Pulling the washer out was hard enuf with 2 manky feet , especially with Geoff being all swollen , the is no chance that the freezer is coming out!

So the state of play is that I have pushed the washer back , leaving a suitable gap between it & the freezer for yon tweety pie to escape if it so desires.

Obviously I still had to make breakfast & then sort out the dishes & empty the dishwasher after all this , as Mrs S. had to get ready for work (a process that takes an hour & involves a ½ hour rest on the bed! ) so I’ve come back to bed because I’m clean out of spoons.

So here’s the thing: My voice has never broken, it got a little deeper but it has to be said my voices matches my persona as a squirrel perfectly! I wonder if it is an autistic comorbidity ?

This has meant thru out my life being misgendered on the phone ! Even when I’ve confirmed my given name, which is very obviously male, callers that don’t know me often still call me Mrs …. It’s VERY frustrating !

I know my nature is to be kind & show emotions easily & to expess love for anything that doesn’t get away fast enuf but that’s because I am kind by nature, I was brought up to be thoughtful of others , I am woke as it is possible to be , & also it is a defence against the horror that is me in full autistic frustration mode , my temper is like a bomb going off on the few occasions I lose it 🙄🤦‍♂️

I also suffer from Trichotillomania which makes hair & body hair management a trial.

All these things seem to give the impression I’m not a red blooded male. Which I am. I simply lack some of the less agreeable traits of some ‘alpha’ males ! (I still wanna fly fast jets though ! 🤣)

Really anyone bringing their dongle near me with the intention of amorous adventures or trying to stick me in a dress is not going to get far.

The really frustrating thing for me is that my natural instinct to identify as a CIS male means I cop for all the hate that is aimed at that group, despite the fact that when some folks interact with me without seeing my physical form they assume I’m something I’m really not!

I was talking to a good friend last night , no not you CDP 🧚‍♀️, & we were chatting about the whole hair thing … this isn’t about you ! (There’s a song in there somewhere ) Our discussion merely led me to think on this subject is all.

I wonder if I’ll be accused of being an misogynist off the back of this post 🤔

15:00 News update: the bird has left the building! The fledgling was a sparrow who about an hour ago got up the courage to fly out thru the open garage door - much to my relief!

In other news I have had a cardiology phone consult this afternoon with regards to the dizzy spells I keep getting when stressed. He is putting me on a halter monitor for 48 hours to see what is going on. He is not particularly optimistic that a resolution will be found , but he says my heart is strong so there is nothing to worry about unless the monitor shows something.

I’m quite proud of myself tonight, I actually got some stuff done this afternoon that has been waiting for a while.

Updated the router firmware & reconfigured the VPN, set up a Proton mail a/c.

I also created a new main Mastodon a/c on Beige.Party, more news of that tomorrow when I have moved stuff over from Mastodonapp.UK

Final Thoughts.

One cannot predict what will happen to make or break ones day. For most folk it’s a case of deal with it & move on, for many ND folk it buggers up the whole day !

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

Tim_McTuffty OP , 10 days ago

@HeatherMJ @actuallyautistic G’Night, may all that is good guard your sleep 🤗🫶😴

Tim_McTuffty OP , 9 days ago

@PixysJourney @actuallyautistic Hey Cynni 🤗🥰

I have to write the occasional long one to make up for all the short ones 😆

Luvs back to you & Awwww-wen 🤗🥰

Tim_McTuffty , 11 days ago to ActuallyAutistic group

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 234 , Tuesday 18/06/2024

Geoff was headed off at the pass last night & medicated into submission so I actually got some decent sleep!

Up at 6 to sort breakfast , then elevated Geoff for the rest of the day - read my book & floated around the Fediverse for a while.

There are moves afoot to get my MAJ1 a/c moved to Beige.Party , I like the freedoms of the 11k chrs , it’s very liberating !

I messed up tonight, I made salad for tea - I like to take my time so it usually takes a good 45 minutes .
Geoff does NOT like being stood on for 45 minutes ! He’s really swollen now!
It didn’t help that he got another 20 minutes being stood on after tea because herself cannot be trusted to wash greasy dishes or heavy duty stains like beetroot. There are days when single life is very appealing!

Looks like another round of the dreaded colchicine for me - I may leave it till tomorrow , see if he settles down overnight.

Got a phone appt with the cardiologist tomorrow vis a vis my dizzy spells , I’m not really holding out a lot of hope but hey…

Final Thoughts.

This is supposed to be my ASD diary, it’s turning out to cover a multitude of things !

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

Tim_McTuffty OP , 10 days ago

@PixysJourney @actuallyautistic Hey Cynni 🤗🥰

Seems that it’s not as easy as one might think to have multiple a/cs on the same server, I’ve had to create a new email address to make this happen.

Just waiting on the Beige.Party moderators to allow my a/c.

Catch you when you wake up sweetie 😊🫶🐿️🖖

Tim_McTuffty , 12 days ago to ActuallyAutistic group

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 233 , Monday 17/06/2024

Geoff was a vicious bugger last night he had to be evicted from under the covers & subdued with paracodol !

Had a nice chat with the CDP 🧚‍♀️ until around 1am when the pain relief fully kicked in & sleep overtook me.

Up at just after 6am to get breakfast for Mrs S.

Had to spend the day elevating Geoff to new heights , which seemed to impress him to a degree. I let the pain killers wear off thru the day so that I can reduce the risk of dependance. That said will be hitting them tonight because Geoff is an unforgiving toe it seems.

So talking to a couple of peeps today & my low selfesteem / Imposter Syndrome kicked in again.
I know logically that multibillion dollar companies don’t just let anyone play with their mainframes & critical systems. I know that few folks expertise covers the full breadth of computing related areas. But still I cannot help but feel a dullard in the face of a lot of my peers.
Possibly it is because I made career critical decisions based on incomplete knowledge (ie I was autistic) that within a decade laid waste to my professional career & broke me to the point of having to retire early on health grounds.
It could also be that I am my own worst critic & still berate myself for not doing better then, & now.

I fear that all I am doing now is treading water, waiting for the inevitable alternative to taxes.

Managed to get a few hours in on NMS for the first time in a few days. Finished the first of 4(5? ) phases & got a couple achievements in a few of the others .

Final Thoughts.

How can I think about moving into social circles where I can stress about whether a whole new group of people might judge me & find me wanting?

How do I not be like this ?

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

Tim_McTuffty OP , 12 days ago

@pathfinder @actuallyautistic evening Kevin 👋😊

I’m kinda glad I’m not the only one, again learning something new about how autism has moulded me!

I had not thought of looking at it from that perspective , thanks, I shall try my best , although old habits are hard to change.

Thank you 🙏 for your help my friend it is always appreciated 😊🫶🐿️🖖

Tim_McTuffty OP , 12 days ago

@PixysJourney @actuallyautistic I always gave 110% but did not feel that I was ever more than an average tech .
I look at others on here & see that in the world of small computers & networking I really don’t know a lot . It makes me doubt that I’m actually any good at this whole computing lark.

Tim_McTuffty OP , 12 days ago

@ketmorco @PixysJourney @actuallyautistic Hi Wayne 👋😊

Thank you 🙏 , I shall try my best.

😊🫶🐿️🖖