Sombyr

Sombyr , 1 month ago

I can't speak for every woman, but I can speak for my own experiences and report based on the things women I know have said. For me and those I've spoken to, we may like muscles, but the things you need to do to get those muscles often aren't as attractive and cancel it out. Like, if you're getting muscles by going to the gym every day, that's only gonna attract women who are enthusiastic about the gym. If you get them from farm work, you'll attract women enthusiastic about farm life.
That's why a lot of us like dad bods so much. It's not that it's inherently more attractive, it's that it's a body type achievable by living the kind of life style people who're into that enjoy.
In other words, yes, muscles can be attractive, but not nearly as attractive as shared hobbies and interests, and it just happens quite often muscles can be a quick indicator that you probably don't share many.

Sombyr , 30 days ago

I wasn't intending to say we only like muscles as an indicator of lifestyle. I was saying they're also an indicator of lifestyle, so even if we are attracted to them we may still pass because it doesn't match the kind of personality we prefer, and personality is generally a lot more important to us than appearance (generally, but not always.)
For instance, I find muscles attractive. I like that they show somebody's interested in staying healthy, but I don't generally date muscular men simply because I'm not into the fit lifestyle. I much prefer a guy who's more likely to join me playing my favorite games or watching my favorite movies, because I'm a nerd and those are the things I like, and a guy who's a little chubbier tends to be exactly that kind of guy.

Sombyr OP , 1 month ago

I can see that perspective, and maybe subconsciously it is that stability I'm looking for, especially because I've gone through 2 separate traumatic events that resulted in me losing every friend I had, the second, the only person who stayed with me was my ex, who I was dating at the time.

I guess though I kinda feel like I have achieved some level of stability even without a relationship. That ex I just mentioned is still a good friend, and he and his girlfriend talk constantly about trying to move closer to me, because at this point they both consider me more of family than just a friend.

And it's like that for most of my close friends. I've got some that come and go, but my tightknit inner circle seems here to stay at least, at least for a very long time. I can see the appeal of wanting somebody to be there for my entire life though. Granted, the only people I can think of that I want that out of are the friends I already have, but on account of the fact that my friend group is practically composed purely of exs and people who've rejected me romantically already, it seems I'll have to look elsewhere. Although that's kind of a sad prospect to me, that I don't get to choose any of them to stay by my side forever.

Sombyr OP , 1 month ago

As far as sexual reasons go, I don't really need that myself. I'm not exactly asexual, I'm sexually attracted to people, I just find it's easy enough to take care of that need without a partner.

Losing friends to relationships though, I haven't ever had that happen. I just become friends with their partner too and absorb them into my friend group.

Although I found out that way through some of them that apparently I give off a really intimidating aura. Apparently I give off the vibes of "the popular girl who refuses to associate herself with the peasants" as somebody said. They tend to be pretty shocked I had any interest in being friends with them at all.

Sombyr OP , 1 month ago

I do have that resting bitch face (if you can see my profile picture, that's evidence enough.) I also have a habit of being unintentionally rude on account of autism. It causes most people who interact with me to really quickly turn away because I give off the vibe that I don't wanna be around them, even when I am enjoying their company. I end up being unintentionally popular anyway though because most of my friends are very popular, on account of them being so social even my unintentional rudeness couldn't turn them away. And naturally having a lot of popular friends turns heads in my direction as well.

Sombyr OP , 1 month ago

I think it's a bit of both in my case. I have a lot of popular friends, and that happens to turn a lot of heads my way and make some people insecure around me, but I also act unintentionally rude quite often, which I've been making an effort to fix, and I've been told by some people that it does make me look stuck up until people get to know me and realize I'm not rude, just very autistic.

Sombyr OP , 1 month ago

Ah, don't worry, I wasn't trying to defend myself. More trying to understand my own feelings via comparison. Because I know that for some reason I do still want and enjoy romantic relationships, but I don't know why, since I get so much from my friends. It makes it difficult to know when somebody would be a good romantic partner for me because I don't know what I want from them in the first place, as evidence by the fact that all my exs have ended up making better friends for me than partners.

Sombyr OP , 1 month ago

I'm beginning to wonder what romance is as well, after gaining close friends, especially one very close friend, who considers everything I once considered romantic to be just friendly interaction. That was kinda the catalyst for me to start wondering what it is a relationship can even offer me if I can have friends like this anyway.

Sombyr , 1 month ago

As a trans woman who has also been sexually assaulted, it has more to do for me with what danger is more real to me. I've experienced zero bear attacks. Nobody I know has experienced a bear attack. Why would I fear one? Of course, consciously yeah, I know a bear is dangerous, but I have no real world experience to back that assumption up.
Men though? Yeah, I've been sexually assaulted by men. I've been physically assaulted by men. I've had family and friends who've been physically and sexually assaulted by men. That danger is real to me. I know that if a man I don't know is nearby me he could do those things to me, and I have the real world experience to prove that assumption correct (the assumption that they could, not the assumption that they would.)
Therefore, of course I'm more scared of the man than the bear. And of course I'd choose the bear over the man. I don't care if it's the wrong choice, I'll take my chances to not have to relive that trauma, even if it means risking my life. Not like I'll have time to regret that decision if the bear decides to kill me. Probably. And most women I know when asked expressed the same sentiment in different words. We're more scared of men than bears, but that doesn't mean we literally think men are more dangerous than bears.
Is it the logical choice to pick the bear? Probably not, but humans are not logical creatures. I'd rather make the wrong choice than the scary choice.

Sombyr , 1 month ago

I've never been downvoted anywhere for expressing that opinion. Lemmy especially there's a huge disparity where saying you'd rather be with a bear than a man is unacceptable, but saying you'd rather be with a bear than a woman? A-okay. Source? I've said both. Only one was I not attacked for. Guess which?
Seriously, I've expressed my trauma regarding men countless times and every time been attacked for it. I've expressed my trauma at the hands of women and not a single downvote or attack or disparaging remark any time. Lemmy has a very clear bias.
I wouldn't have a single problem with men getting upset about this bear thing if they got equally upset when somebody says something similar or worse about women, but they don't.

Sombyr , 1 month ago

There's a serious difference in the level of trauma between these examples, and the level of exposure to the dangers of the counter. Sexual trauma is a hell of a lot more scarring on your psyche than simply being beaten. In addition, at least in the US we're exposed to gun violence every day as opposed to basically never for bear attacks. Even in other countries with better gun control, you're dramatically more likely to hear about somebody being shot than you are to hear about somebody being mauled by a bear. Not only that, but it's really easy to process "get shot, you're dead." It's not as easy to make yourself believe you're definitely gonna be killed by an animal that has whole guides written on how to survive them.
Those two things combined make your example far from comparable. In addition, I'm not saying in any way that the fear is justified nor that no attempt should be made to fix it, what I'm trying to point out us that people don't realize how intense a fear it really is when they get offended at people making this choice.

Obviously, therapy is important to learning how to handle that fear and think more logically, but if every woman who needs it sought therapy for this, there just aren't enough therapists in the entire world to handle the load. Not even close. So a bigger part of the solution is, y'know, making sure women aren't getting traumatized in the first place. But everybody here wants to skip that part for some reason.

Sombyr , 1 month ago

I agree. I never said it was a good mindset. Therapy is definitely something we need to learn to deal with this and think logically. The issue is so absurdly many women have been traumatized by men that the mental health support systems would be so overloaded that it's just a fact that only a miniscule fraction of women would ever be able to receive help, even if we had absolutely perfect support systems.

So the only solution is to prevent them from getting traumatized in the first place. But the entirety of Lemmy seems really resistant to that conversation. Would rather quote statistics about "oh the average man isn't likely to assault you" than to accept that the ones who do are dealing enough damage that the problem needs to be dealt with regardless of what the average man is doing.

Sombyr , 1 month ago

You're free to disagree, but for me and many others, I've been through both, and I'm definitely waaaay more scared of being sexually assaulted again than being beaten half to death again. They have very different effects on your psyche. Physical violence I react far more with anger than fear, even if I was terrified in the moment. When it looks like it's happening again, my brain says "Fight back." When I'm afraid of sexual trauma being relived, my brain says "Escape, now. Can't escape? Submit. Maybe that way they won't kill you too at least."

Sombyr , 1 month ago

IRL, sure, but on Lemmy that's not what's happening. If you talk about trauma at the hands of women on Lemmy, you get outpourings of support and people sharing their experiences as well. Which is good. That should be happening everywhere.
The problem is you can't do the same thing on Lemmy if you were traumatized by men. Instead, you get down voted to hell, get statistics quoted at you as if that'll magically fix it, and when surprise, still traumatized after the stats, now you must be a misandrist so your trauma is invalid anyway.

I was just hoping one place would exist on the internet where men's and women's issues could get equal screen time and be respected just as much, but no, the genders have to be treated like sports teams and if you support one apparently you have to hate the other. I just don't get why people are like this.

Sombyr , 1 month ago

How about you miss the entire point and get aggressive for no reason?
Seriously, what kind of response to "I've been traumatized by men" is "you should traumatized by bears too?"

Sombyr , 1 month ago

I realized this a long time ago when I made a simple complaint that I thought women's issues were downplayed a lot here, and in response I was downvoted, ridiculed, people demanded sources for my claims then claimed my sources were invalid for whatever reason they could pull out of their ass, and one person even, and trigger warning on this, told me I should die giving birth to a rapists baby.
I've even picked up a downvote stalker during the course of this whole bear thing. Same time every day somebody goes through and downvotes every single new thing on my profile.

So yeah, Lemmy's never been a great place for women. I only continue to participate because I'm disabled and have so few connections to the outside world that I'll take anything now.

Sombyr , 1 month ago

But what's going on here isn't something within the control of most people. When you're abused by somebody you don't choose to fear those people, you fear them because that's what your brain is wired to do to avoid repeated trauma. Like I said, therapy is the solution, but only part of the solution. The other part is fixing the issue causing the trauma in the first place. Men aren't being victimized by the women who fear them, they're being victimized by the other men who caused that fear.
And I want to be clear, because I've realized at this point that this isn't obvious anymore in today's world, fear is not an excuse for misandry. At the same time, fear of men is not misandry. Somebody saying they'd rather pick the bear should be met with "oh, we should fix the issue causing them to fear men more than bears," not "oh, they should fear bears more."
I also want to be clear that this isn't even a gendered issue despite the fact that it's been made into one. A man who's been abused by women and would rather pick the bear should also be met with compassion and "how can we reduce the number of female abusers?" I've actually been abused by women too. In fact, more often than I have men. I want to be clear that even though this discussion has been about men specifically, I feel the exact same way about women. That we still need to be compassionate to their victims and accept that the people who traumatized them are the problem, not their trauma.
Fearing somebody is not an action you perform, it's a state you're in.

Sombyr , 1 month ago

Men being hurt by women is not an excuse for men to hurt women in return. It is possible for both groups to acknowledge they've been hurt by each other and work toward a solution. Pushing "they hurt me so they deserve to be hurt" helps nobody, especially when both groups are doing it.
That's what I'm complaining about. This mindset that being hurt by men/women completely absolves you of the responsibility to allow them to feel safe. Any space dominated by women will be filled with "Well men are responsible for the majority of violence and sexual assault so actually you deserve to feel like shit." every time a man speaks up. Any space dominated by men will be filled with "Well it makes me feel bad when you discuss the repercussions of your trauma so shut the fuck up." every time a woman speaks up.
We can have a place where both genders can talk freely about the way these things effect them and the changes we need to make to fix them. The issue is people are only pretending to want such a space. What they really want is the other gender to sit down, shut up, and agree with them uncritically. Because in their head they're definitely in the right and they'd rather not be confronted with alternate viewpoints from people who have lived experiences they'll never have.

Worse, as a trans woman, you'd think people would be more willing to accept our viewpoints because trans people are some of few people who can have both lived experiences. But no, our experiences are only valid if they 100% allign with the men or women we share them with. Otherwise we're brushed off like somehow our experience doesn't count because we had the wrong experience to reaffirm their biases.
On Lemmy, dominated by men, when I say I fear women due to my lived childhood experience as a boy, being taken advantage of while I was still too young to fight back, I'm met with outpourings of support. People talk about why "this is why trans people's life experience matters." When I mention later in the same conversation that I also fear men due to my lived experience as a woman and not being able to fight back due the the hormonal muscle loss, suddenly, my experiences don't count anymore. People think they get to pick and choose which of my experiences were valid and valuable and which aren't based on whatever reaffirms what they already believe. And of course you can bet the exact same thing happens the other way around when I tell the same story to women.

Sombyr , 1 month ago

I keep luring them out by accident just by bringing up any kind of women's issue at all. Thankfully though, a quick report and they get banned from my instance real fast.

Sombyr OP , 1 month ago

It baffled me too, but people have legit complained about this stuff to her and she's had to explain to them that I just talk like that. She has no expectation of me to change at all because she already understands my intentions perfectly well, but she told me simply because she felt I should know people were complaining.
As far as the period thing, apparently it's the last sentence I'm supposed to leave punctuation off of. I don't get it tbh. I mostly talk to people in MMOs and over Discord and apparently when I add a period to the end of the last sentence it makes people feel like I'm trying to end the conversation. It makes sense to me that people think that, given that every time I did it they'd just stop talking, but why they think that is a mystery to me. She said she thinks it's because they're just not used to it.

Sombyr OP , 1 month ago

That makes a lot of sense. I think I do notice patterns a lot, I just don't see the reason the pattern exists, so I can't determine if it's a rude pattern or a polite pattern. That's kinda what happened with "K." I saw people use it everywhere and went "Ah, I see, so this is how people talk now. I should do it too."

Sombyr OP , 1 month ago

...Ooooh. I think that's what she was trying to tell me actually and I just completely misunderstood. That second example is a type of situation I used it a lot in. I didn't realize people needed to know how interested I was. I thought they just needed a quick confirmation.

Sombyr OP , 1 month ago

Maybe. I actually scrolled back through the Discord we're in and only found exactly one other person who uses proper punctuation. Scrolling through my other Discord servers though and people use proper punctuation all the time. It does seem to be a thing that may be specific to this group.
Also coincidentally I actually did witness somebody send a message that was nothing but a single period earlier today, and the reaction was everybody briefly paused then continued on like nothing happened.
Whether it's a localized phenomenon or a wider one, it's still weird to me.

Sombyr OP , 1 month ago

This is really helpful. I didn't realize there were so many situations people were looking for validation. I just assumed when they said something like that it was just to quickly let me know and "K." was all they needed.

Sombyr OP , 1 month ago

Yeah, it seems not everyone has an issue with it. It might be more of an issue with me because I don't often convey much emotion when I speak because I don't know how, so I probably sound dead an uninterested when I combine that with perfect punctuation. Thinking about it, I also make very sparing use of exclamation points, so maybe I just seem so dead and formal that it makes people think I'm not really into the conversation.

Sombyr OP , 1 month ago

I never use emojis either, except specific ones for specific contexts (I.E. the hug emoji when somebody's having a really bad day.) People have pointed it out, but unlike other things people just view it as an interesting personality quirk of mine instead of off putting.

Sombyr OP , 1 month ago

Ah, I think the hangup for me wasn't so much not understanding that they had different info than me, but that they wanted the info I had. Moreover, that they might feel differently about things than I did, and they knew that, so I needed to make sure they knew how I felt.
When I see somebody just respond "K." or "Alright" to an invitation to do something, that always made me happy enough to know that they were gonna be there because I figured if they didn't want to, they'd have found an excuse to say no. I didn't suspect that others might not just assume somebody was happy to be there the way I did. It's helpful to know I need to clear up how I feel in some way for them to understand that I want to be there and enjoy their company.

Sombyr OP , 1 month ago

I see. I always just determined that by their reactions once they showed up, and figured all that mattered until then was whether they had any desire to at all, which was usually conveyed easily with single word responses. I didn't realize other people wanted to know your feelings beforehand.

Sombyr OP , 1 month ago

I can definitely adjust my words to express how I'm feeling better more often. The facial expressions and body language though I'm probably incapable of unfortunately on account of me actually having two separate disorders that make me unable to show physical expressions of emotion. Way back in middle school I was put in a special class to teach me both of those and I couldn't even figure out how to trigger the muscles in my face to actually make any expressions, nor was I even capable of recognizing the body language I was supposed to be mimicking even when it was described to me.

Sombyr OP , 1 month ago

The disorder is schizoaffective, but the inability to express emotions isn't usually a big feature of it. It comes with psychosis. Usually, antipsychotics are all it takes to trigger your brain to start expressing emotions again, but I can't take a high enough dose to do that without serious side effects, so I instead deal with minor psychosis symptoms, like having to remind myself constantly that no, the order of my songs when I hit shuffle is not a secret message telling me the future, and also the fact that I can't express any physical emotions unless they're very strong. It also shows in my tone of voice, which is a consistent, flat, unchanging tone that I try to vary randomly just so people don't tune out my voice.

Sombyr OP , 1 month ago (edited 1 month ago)

It's unfortunate I gave that impression, because she's probably the nicest, most accepting person I know, even including other autistics. She was just trying to let me know because I've experienced significant psychological distress from my inability to connect to other people, so she's trying to help me understand why, which was a recommendation by a psychiatrist I saw.

Sombyr OP , 1 month ago

Actually I'm fairly popular, but that just leads to me catching a lot of attention from strangers who's first interaction with me, not knowing I'm autistic, is seeing somebody rude and dismissive.
If I could just explain to everybody immediately "hey, I'm autistic, I'm not being rude on purpose," that'd be great. But most of my interactions with people are short messages like "What outfit are you wearing on your character" or a quick invitation to join them for something. Not a lot of opportunities to explain to them why I act the way I do.
When I do get the opportunity is usually when I end up making real friends, because they don't see me as the dismissive girl who doesn't want to talk to them anymore, but instead the autistic girl who just interacts a little differently.
Hell, some people keep trying over and over again to be my friend even when they think I am being rude and dismissive, they just don't make any progress because they've misread my mood and assume I want them to go away.

Sombyr OP , 1 month ago

The punctuation thing has actually been pointed out to me on a couple occasions before. One of my exs thought it was weird and said it "gave the impression I'd be mad if other people's grammar wasn't perfect." So apparently it does bother some people, but it's probably more of a straw that broke the camel's back situation, where I already speak so formally in the first place that it makes me look stuck up.

Sombyr OP , 1 month ago

No.

Sombyr OP , 1 month ago

As far as the first thing goes, I used to avoid using any text speech at all, only used proper punctuation, always made sure my grammar was right. People started to get really annoyed with me because of it, telling me I was being overly formal.
As far as the second thing goes, that was a sarcastic joke about how the "rules" I'm told to follow are always full of contradictions, making them hard to follow. The joke being if autistics made the rules they'd be actual rules, and efficient ones. I'm well aware of why it's not actually that way.

Sombyr OP , 1 month ago

I'm not sure, but I've asked people and I'm told by my friends that before they knew me better, they thought I was either being passive aggressive, or maybe I was going through something and was being rude by accident (the friend I mentioned said a lot of people were asking her if I was okay, because apparently I came across like I was upset about something.)
I'm guessing that'd be the "spouse k" then since I think that's the one that often implies "okay, but not really okay."

Sombyr OP , 1 month ago

I agree after reading the rest of the thread, but I think that may also have partially been her intention. I hang out primarily with the same group she does, so she's trying to help me get along with that particular group. Even so, her tips could help me come off as less robotic in general, even if they're not strict rules that need to be followed, so I think I'm gonna still try to take her tips and just adapt them to myself.
Definitely gonna stop saying "K." though. I don't have the skill to be nuanced enough to not use it improperly. Additionally, I always assumed people just wouldn't try to gauge my tone over text if I didn't specify it, but I guess unlike me it's important to neurotypicals to understand how each other feel, even if they have to assume, so I'll just have to cut down on the assumptions they have to make.

Sombyr OP , 1 month ago

I mean, probably a therapist would say that. Still ask your therapist and not Lemmy.

The funny part is I asked here specifically because I was directed to by a psychiatrist. They thought the best people to ask would be other people with autism who've already learned better how to interact because they'll understand what I need to hear better.
She also told me to consult the friend mentioned in my post, which is how that conversation started.
The reason I'm trying so hard to understand is because I keep having mental health crises over my inability to communicate and the fact that I have a habit of making people really mad and not knowing why or what I did to cause it. Being not only an outcast but having everyone hate me and not just imagining that is very stressful.
Trusting myself to know what's rude doesn't work. I piss people off extremely easily and don't even notice I did until they're refusing to speak to me.

Sombyr OP , 1 month ago

That's good advice, but it's also worth noting that my initial strategy was to try to hold of on saying anything at all that could be offensive until I learned what's okay and what's not, but that too ended up offending some people. The reason being that I would get close to people, but they would get closer to me faster than I was getting closer to them due to me still being overly cautious and trying to find the proper things I was allowed to say and do with them. That's partially what this is about. Trying to find the starting line so I know what's not gonna drive people away immediately.
For instance, while it's true a lot of people won't be offended by "K." or proper punctuation, I feel like in most casual contexts, people are much less likely to be offended if I don't do those things, which gives me time to get closer to people and learn more instead of driving a sizable portion away right off the bat.
Another piece of advice this friend gave me was to ask more questions. I always knew that was a good thing to do, but I was always worried people would see me as nosy if I asked the wrong ones. I learned from her that people are generally more happy by me showing interest than they'd be upset by me accidentally asking something personal.
That and the advice I've gotten in this thread has been really helpful so far. Already people are being a lot friendlier toward me, although it's gonna take a bit to change the general public opinion of me.

Sombyr OP , 1 month ago

As far as I understand, people generally assume I'm being rude and dismissive, but they don't tell me that, they just kinda stop talking. Then they go and ask my friend why I'm like that, where she explains to them that I'm not being rude, I just have difficulty communicating, at which point they usually accept that, but still don't talk to me much because I'm just too difficult to get close to. Or at least they think I am, because they don't realize I'm enjoying their company because I don't express it, because I just assume they'd know because I'm paying attention to them.
That's what I'm working on. Showing people that I'm genuinely enjoying their company, that when they ask me questions I'm happy to answer, and so on. So it's not so much a problem of people not being willing to adapt to me, but the fact that they as much as me don't know how to adapt, so I need to meet them in the middle.

Sombyr OP , 1 month ago

I'm aware, and thanks for the advice. I've experienced a little of this already since I've been applying the advice I've gotten here. Luckily, so far, most have been willing to put some effort in now that I've shown I'm willing to as well. It's easy enough to just not talk to the people who won't, because they're already not trying.

Sombyr , 1 month ago

Therapy isn't a cure all for trauma. And trauma that is easily relived is not trauma that is easily gotten over. Also, obviously they're letting trauma dictate their actions. That's kinda how trauma works. If you behave completely the same before and after your trauma then by definition you weren't traumatized.
And the point of the statement isn't that bears are literally less dangerous than men. It's to show how real and intense the fear is. Not to say "men are more dangerous than bears," but "women feel more threatened by men than bears," which is not even close to the same thing. It's a simple attempt to help men understand how we feel and make it clear why we need the boundaries we do. That is inherently an empathetic statement. You being offended by it doesn't make it an insult.
Let me tell you, I happen to have also been the victim of other women, and fear them just as much, but mysteriously nobody pops up to quote statistics or tell me I'm the real problem here when I express that fear, especially not other women. I've never had a woman get offended by me not wanting to be in a room alone with her.

Sombyr , 1 month ago

Nobody said "men are more dangerous than bears." You made that up in your head to be offended about. They said "I'd rather be alone in the woods with a bear than a man," and I explained to you how that's a very different thing. If you're going to continue to be intentionally obtuse and ignore that I'm not interested in explaining again.

Sombyr , 1 month ago

The statistics of how likely any individual man is to commit sexual assault or violence against a woman is irrelevant because the discussion is about trauma, not objective danger. That's the part people don't seem to understand.
People think we're saying "men are more dangerous than a bear" when what we're saying is "I've grown to fear men more intensely than even a bear due to my traumatic experiences as well as the traumatic experiences of those I know."
Even if most men won't touch a woman, the fact that enough will that the majority of women have been sexually assaulted means the majority of women are also traumatized enough that of course they're gonna be wary of men who they fear could cause them to relive their trauma. That's reasonable (don't confuse that for rational though.)
It's just an attempt to show men why we need the boundaries we do by putting into perspective how intense that trauma is, but instead of being met with understanding it's been met with yet more accusations that it's just proof women are irrational and hate men.
Pulling out another statistic to say "hey, um, actually, individual men aren't statistically likely to be violent toward you" is useless for helping a trauma victim overcome that trauma. Especially if it becomes a repeated trauma, at which point your brain rejects any amount of healing you've done and resists any attempts at healing again, because it feels it's been proven right.

Sombyr , 1 month ago

I agree that the way it's been handled thus far has been awful, straight from the get go. It wasn't a good way to put it and was obviously gonna rile people up, but I still think the popularity it's gotten on social media can be used as a good tool to help people understand this better. And yeah, obviously, therapy is a huge thing, but it's also worth noting that the one thing you're supposed to do in nearly every traumatic situation, and will be recommended by any therapist you see, is to take healthy measures to prevent it from happening again. That does include doing what you can to stay safe and not be alone around men. Obviously there are people who take it too far and jump straight into misandry (and I can say from experience as a trans woman, misandrists are a problem for us too, because they don't treat us like real women, just punching bags to treat in the most misogynistic way possible, because they only see you as a now vulnerable man to get revenge on.)
To be clear, I'm not suggesting men are inherently more violent than women and need to be avoided more often. I just think the messages society sends toward men and women as they grow up are vastly different which is what leads to violence being more prevalent in men. It's a complex issue that requires huge societal changes to fix, but for now it's just the truth that women need to look out for their own safety in the presence of men until these issues are solved to a reasonable degree.
But to reiterate, yeah, the meme is clearly inflammatory, I just think anything than can be used as a learning experience should be.

Sombyr , 1 month ago

Yeah, it's a preventative measure, because repeated trauma is much, much harder to heal from, and also as a physical safety measure. In some situations where the trauma isn't likely to reoccur or is caused by bad emotional coping skills, they still recommend minimizing contact until you learn to handle it or at least have stronger coping mechanisms (or at least they did in every case of my traumas.)