@ScottSoCal@computerfairi.es cover
@ScottSoCal@computerfairi.es avatar

ScottSoCal

@[email protected]

So... me. Work in aerospace, more space, not as much aero. Can fix my own car, choose not to. Can fix the random appliance of your choice. Hardcore introvert in person, which is why I love online. Lifelong science fiction fan. Read constantly. Scalzi is my favorite author, because he mixes exactly the right amount of snark into his writing. Together with a guy 30+ years, married since it was legal. Own a home in CA and don't plan to leave unless I immigrate to another country.

This profile is from a federated server and may be incomplete. View on remote instance

chevalier26 , to ActuallyAutistic group
@chevalier26@mastodon.social avatar

@actuallyautistic In the process of completing my online faculty training course to be a GSA next year...literally EVERYTHING is so vague and confusing.

Emailed the faculty coordinator about it and he told me that I was so ahead in the course that I was outpacing the course administrators. So basically, I'm working ahead so quickly that IT and my course instructor haven't had a chance to update my course info, so that's why everything is confusing.

massive eyeroll

ScottSoCal ,
@ScottSoCal@computerfairi.es avatar

@chevalier26

I did a technical training at my work for about 20 years, and I'm currently mentoring a new-hire in my department.
ASK QUESTIONS!
At the beginning of my training sessions I told people to interrupt me and ask - questions are welcome, even encouraged. The mentee I'm telling to go into the labs, watch what they're doing, and ask questions. I told him to ask me questions. That's how you learn. That's how I learned.

@actuallyautistic

ScottSoCal , to ActuallyAutistic group
@ScottSoCal@computerfairi.es avatar

@actuallyautistic

My animals are my support system - they provide 100% unconditional love. I've had the same two dogs for 16 years.
In April Little Miss' kidney disease got to the point I had to make the compassionate choice for her. And today I did the same for Little Man. My heart is breaking, and I don't know how to handle it.

image/jpeg

ScottSoCal OP ,
@ScottSoCal@computerfairi.es avatar

@danimo

On the way home from the vet's office, hubs said he wasn't ready right now, but he new he would want to look at another dog in the future.
I will, too.

@actuallyautistic

chevalier26 , to ActuallyAutistic group
@chevalier26@mastodon.social avatar

@actuallyautistic Does it bother anyone else when someone folds your laundry for you? I do appreciate the effort and the intention, but half the time I have to go back and refold everything because it wasn’t folded the way I need it to be for me to put it away or organize it properly. I would rather just do all the folding myself lol. Idk, I know that probably seems selfish but it does irk me sometimes.

ScottSoCal ,
@ScottSoCal@computerfairi.es avatar

@chevalier26

Clothes can't be put away until they're folded/hung properly. Kitchen towels have been an ongoing battle for years - eh, not really a battle, more of a cold war. When I wash kitchen towels I fold them properly and they all fit in the drawer next to the sink - if there are towels in the drawer that hubs folded I take them out and refold them, so everything fits. He folds them wrong, and they don't all fit.

@actuallyautistic

ScottSoCal ,
@ScottSoCal@computerfairi.es avatar

@spika

My life runs on "systems". Saturday is laundry day, the washer takes 50 minutes for a load (sets timer on watch). When the timer goes off I put the washer clothes into the dryer, which takes 70 minutes to dry, put the second load into the washer (sets timer on watch)...

Repeat until the laundry is done, and I put it all away.

@chevalier26 @actuallyautistic

Tim_McTuffty , to ActuallyAutistic group
@Tim_McTuffty@beige.party avatar

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 229 , Thursday 13/06/2024

A better nights sleep last nigh, although I did wake up early, had a nice chat with CDP 🧚‍♀️.

Mrs S. was in the office today & I really wasn’t feeling it this morning ,so after breakfast I went back to bed for a couple of hours.

My brain drove me out of bed just after 9am, unless I’m really quite poorly I cannot stay in bed for too long.

So I was reflecting on the meeting with the Social Prescriber yesterday & subsequent conversations with friends on here.
I wonder if I NEED to be more social than I am now. I wonder if the benefits outweigh the stress / anxiety etc. of being in a group of people.

Also the fact that any decent support is a decent distance away. (thanks UK Gov - so much for the promised improvement in MH services NOT !)

I am social to an extent, I regularly chat , laugh ,cry etc with so many lovely folk on here. Yes it is a relationship in a digital environment, but does that make it any less valid an experience?
The Fediverse is unlike any other Social Platform, it is possible to develop real friendships here & the lack of an algorithm makes for a more interactive experience!

Honestly I don’t know, when actually confronted with the help available, if it is worth pursuing.

On a more positive note I had a great banter session with several of the Peeps on here this afternoon / evening , thanks to all who participated, I enjoyed it enormously! 😊

Final Thoughts.

I never expect that I was fighting for so little, it is quite the anti-climax.
I am glad I got my diagnosis, that has helped me understand myself in ways I did not expect, & almost every day I learn something new.
Apart from anything else I found a whole group of Peeps who relate to & share experiences & challenges unique to ND folk!

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic

ScottSoCal ,
@ScottSoCal@computerfairi.es avatar

@alexisbushnell

Online lets you walk away and come back to it, later, when you've got a different perspective. Online lets you edit and rewrite until what you're putting out is exactly what you mean.
Real life can't be edited, and there's no pause button.

@Tim_McTuffty @actuallyautistic

LehtoriTuomo , to ActuallyAutistic group
@LehtoriTuomo@mementomori.social avatar

Been thinking about smiling/not smiling as masking. Yesterday I had a meeting with a colleague, me being tired. Suddenly I realized I'm not smiling and wondered whether I would've smiled in this situation when I didn't understand I'm autistic. I might've forced a smile before but now I didn't feel like smiling so I didn't. This wasn't the first time I realized I'm not smiling while the situation is such that it'd be "desirable" that I do smile.

On the other hand, I've understood that I started unmasking even before I knew I was masking by smiling when I feel like it walking down the street. I might be just happy, see something nice, or maybe think about something amusing. People don't usually smile on their own and I've recognized this impulse to hide one's smile.

@actuallyautistic

ScottSoCal ,
@ScottSoCal@computerfairi.es avatar

@Susan60

Within the last 12 months I heard someone use that tired old sexist line about a woman (a co-worker) should smile more, to get along in the workplace.
She's a PhD mechanical engineer, she doesn't have to smile if she doesn't want to.

@pathfinder @LehtoriTuomo @actuallyautistic

chevalier26 , to ActuallyAutistic group
@chevalier26@mastodon.social avatar

@actuallyautistic Somehow got into an argument earlier about fractions with my parents, especially the fraction 15/16. I said that 7.5/8 is the same thing as 15/16, because they can be converted to each other by multiplying or dividing the numerator and denominator by 2.

My mom basically said, no, that's not right because it's not a "proper fraction" which doesn't make sense to me. The math checks out, and numerators can have decimal integers. Is there something I'm missing?

ScottSoCal ,
@ScottSoCal@computerfairi.es avatar

@servelan

Unless you're English, and then you say "biscuit" 6 times, because English people use the wrong words for things.

@ndvirons @Uair @chevalier26 @actuallyautistic

Zumbador , to ActuallyAutistic group
@Zumbador@mefi.social avatar

@actuallyautistic

I'm trying to figure out something about dealing with /avoiding conflict.

When I'm in conflict with someone, I'll often avoid confronting them, because I don't trust them. I might like them, but I don't trust their ability to respond appropriately.

I find that honest conversations mean making myself vulnerable to some extent, and if someone has hurt me, or is annoyed with me, it doesn't feel safe to be that vulnerable.

I reserve conversations like that for people who are very close to me, that I trust, like my husband and my father.

I usually hide my anger and annoyance, because it feels like they don't deserve to see my honest emotions.

But I don't think this is a healthy strategy.

ScottSoCal ,
@ScottSoCal@computerfairi.es avatar

@toolsontech @Zumbador @actuallyautistic

And this is where reality sucks. It can't follow the script.
If people only knew how much energy I put into creating the script, rehearsing it, updating and amending it, rehearsing more. But it's like they don't even care. Instead of following the script, they wander off into topics never mentioned in the script.

ScottSoCal ,
@ScottSoCal@computerfairi.es avatar

@Zumbador

It sounds like a variation on my coping mechanism. I'm always ready to walk away, no matter who it is or how much space I've created for them in my life. Enough times of figuring out I wasn't as important to someone else as they were to me, and I just decided no one is indispensable. It's my self-protection, as messed up as it may be.

@actuallyautistic

Tim_McTuffty , to ActuallyAutistic group
@Tim_McTuffty@beige.party avatar

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 225 , Sunday 09/06/2024

Had a nice long lay in today, up at around 8am.

My stomach survived trial by pizza so a normal breakfast was enjoyed.

Quiet day , mostly catching up on here.

Binge watched ‘Red Eye’ (the recent ITV series) exciting stuff !

So this is why I rarely step in to discussions on SM.
My NT nature makes me blunt, it also sometimes makes the reality of a situation very clear to me.
This is the case with climate change.
Don’t get me wrong , I am fully aware of the problem, its causes, in my own way I do my little bit to fight the good fight.
I made a comment today, to the effect that I did not believe that efforts to tame the oil industry would succeed, I was politely, but firmly told to shut up & bugger off.
Fine, I will know better next time, that this is a polarised area of discussion & those that point out realities are not tolerated by either side. I shall hold my peace & watch what happens.
I could turn this diary into a socio/political platform to air my views but I’m not going to, it is not for that. However when folks are intolerant I feel that that deserves a mention.

Final Thoughts.

Humaning is hard, that’s why am Squirrel!

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic

ScottSoCal ,
@ScottSoCal@computerfairi.es avatar

@Tim_McTuffty

One day I realized why my favorite characters in Star Trek are my favorites. The Doctor, Seven of Nine, both trying to figure out how to human, never quite getting it, and sometimes deciding it's just too much hassle.

@ldmay65 @actuallyautistic

melindrea , to ActuallyAutistic group
@melindrea@beige.party avatar

Reading wikipedia on autism for Reasons (tm).

I don't get it. Why is it so important that we don't stim? Like, there are some that are contextually inappropriate (loud noises when it might disturb others, for instance), but outside of those few things ... what's the problem with hand flapping, body wiggling, hair twirling, vocalizing in repetitive ways when it's not distracting/disturbing, etc, etc, etc?

Bah, humbug >.< @actuallyautistic

ScottSoCal ,
@ScottSoCal@computerfairi.es avatar

@melindrea

People who aren't ND find it distracting or annoying. If I had a dollar for every time someone told me kid-me to stop fidgeting / squirming / clicking / tapping / popping my lips / rubbing my pants leg / whatever , I could buy an island and retire to it.

@actuallyautistic

ScottSoCal ,
@ScottSoCal@computerfairi.es avatar

@crashglasshouses

It's possible they were trying to avoid the mistakes their parents made, so they were in uncharted territory.
I know when I was looking at becoming a parent, one of the most important things to me was not to re-create the abuse my parents created.

@violetmadder @melindrea @actuallyautistic

Zumbador , to ActuallyAutistic group
@Zumbador@mefi.social avatar

@actuallyautistic
I'm visiting family, and wow am I deep in autistic denial territory.

Some of my younger relatives have approached me, asking about neurodivergence because I've been so open about my experience as a late realised autistic person. They're wondering about themselves and their parents.

The older people though, are unable to have that conversation. There are jokey, sidelong half acknowledgements that "there might be something going on" with them, but otherwise it's High Masking At All Times.

What I find difficult to deal with is the rather toxic judgemental attitudes.

So-and-so relative is "so picky about his food, he thinks it makes him important" or "how ridiculous, he doesn't like the too bright light in the bathroom" and all the while I can see them struggling to deal with the exact same difficulties they're judging in others.

It's so ingrained, I don't know if there's a way for them to find self acceptance.

ScottSoCal ,
@ScottSoCal@computerfairi.es avatar

@punishmenthurts

My autism presents opposite to that. I have hyperlexia, taught myself to read by the time I was 3 or 4, was reading at an adult level by the time I was in 3rd grade. My school records all say I didn't perform to the level they expected.
I have a lifetime of being a disappointment.

@dpnash @Zumbador @actuallyautistic

ScottSoCal ,
@ScottSoCal@computerfairi.es avatar

@punishmenthurts

I bought myself this shirt a few years ago. 🤣 Just kind of claiming it.

@dpnash @Zumbador @actuallyautistic

ScottSoCal , to ActuallyAutistic group
@ScottSoCal@computerfairi.es avatar

@actuallyautistic

I stumbled across a meme that speaks to me.

ScottSoCal , to ActuallyAutistic group
@ScottSoCal@computerfairi.es avatar

@actuallyautistic

I don't know if this will help anyone else, but I'll put it out there:
OTC sleep aids usually use an antihistamine, for the side-effect of making you drowsy. Not all are equal.
I go to sleep easily, but tend to wake up early - hours early. Doxylamine Succinate stays in your system longer, and will help you stay asleep. I buy 25mg tablets that break in half, so I'm getting 12-13mg, and that works for me.

Tim_McTuffty , to ActuallyAutistic group
@Tim_McTuffty@beige.party avatar

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 219 , Monday 03/06/2024

Another disturbed night, slightly better than last night because I had learnt some lessons on ewhat my foot would & would not tolerate.

Went to see the GP this morning, I have, in fact, got gout . So on a 4 day course of Colchicine … the GP was very specific about the 4 days - apparently 5 days = my entire digestive system liquifying & a decent stay in the local hospital !

The new meds are working a storm in association with the pain killers , this evening I am walking (well shuffling) sans crutches ! It hurts like hell, but importantly it is bearable !
I hope that this means that I will get some decent sleep tonight !

Also made an appointment to see yon GP about my ADHD assessment in a week or so , so the journey continues !

Final Thoughts.

I am so relieved to be coming out of the other side of this gout flare up , is has been one of the most painful experiences of my life !
Hopefully future episodes will be avoided via ongoing medication.

I really hope that seeing yon GP later this month will be a positive move in my ASD journey !

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic

ScottSoCal ,
@ScottSoCal@computerfairi.es avatar

@Tim_McTuffty

I'm happy my experience was useful for you, less so that it came after you'd had it so long.

@actuallyautistic

filmfreak75 , to ActuallyAutistic group
@filmfreak75@mastodon.social avatar

@actuallyautistic has anyone tried this and if so, how did it work for you…

Autism & Emails Does A Disclaimer Help Misunderstanding

https://www.refinery29.com/en-gb/autism-email-problems

ScottSoCal ,
@ScottSoCal@computerfairi.es avatar

@willaful

I tend to keep personal information (and I consider this personal) to myself, or share it only with a very small group. Telling someone else, in my experience, lets them feel free to offer their opinions. About me. Unsolicited. I'm uncomfortable with that.

@filmfreak75 @actuallyautistic

filmfreak75 , to ActuallyAutistic group
@filmfreak75@mastodon.social avatar

@actuallyautistic i do a lot of meeting requests and receive a lot of emails that start like this:

"Good morning!

I hope you all had excellent weekends.”

I start mine like this, and because of this, am considered an asshole:

“[Name] would like to set up a one hour call on this topic. Please let me know if any of the following times work:”

…because heaven forbid we be efficient and clear in our communication

ScottSoCal ,
@ScottSoCal@computerfairi.es avatar

@bhawthorne

A co-worker of mine is determined, in a friendly way, to force me into small talk. When I need to go see him about something he wants me to greet, ask customary questions (How are you?) Habit on his part is to protest by saying "We don't sleep together, so you can't just demand." He stopped saying that - or laughs after he says it - because I responded with "That's not my fault, you're the straight one."

@filmfreak75 @actuallyautistic

Zumbador , to ActuallyAutistic group
@Zumbador@mefi.social avatar

@actuallyautistic

Here's something that causes friction between me and my family.

Someone asks me to make a decision about something I don't have a strong preference, but they want me to have a preference.

"do you want x or y? "

Saying "I don't care" comes across as rude, and even softening it as "I don't really have a preference" or turning it back to them by saying "what do you think?" isn't appreciated. They want me to care.

I understand that they want me to choose so they don't have to do that emotional labour. That's fair. But often when I do choose (at random), they try to change my mind, and then I'm back to square one because I don't really care, and I don't want to lie!

A honest answer would be "I'm depressed, I don't want to exist. Putting on a polite face is taking up all my effort, expecting me to actually care is beyond my capacity"

But that's too heavy for most interactions.

I'm not sure what I'm asking for here, just writing it out.

ScottSoCal ,
@ScottSoCal@computerfairi.es avatar

@Zumbador

What usually causes the friction in my house is when I have a strong preference against something, but can't articulate a reason why. I'm just not up for it right now. Maybe tomorrow, maybe next week, but not right now.

@actuallyautistic

loops , to ActuallyAutistic group
@loops@neurodifferent.me avatar

Travelling today. Airport security at the disabled line told me I can “just use these next time”, gesturing to the regular automated gates.

When I followed the accessible entrance, I found it was routed to come out into the general security area, with the big crowd that goes with it.

It seems the only difference is the wider gate, to fit a wheelchair.

Back at the entrance, I said to security, look I use this line because it’s usually separate. I get anxious in big crowds, and I can’t really tolerate it right now.

Security said to me, gesturing towards the hall: “look we have all these people right now, so we can’t have a separate place to keep it separate, because it would slow things down”

I told them “that’s why it’s an accommodation. Because it’s not the usual”. Security acted very put out, but did eventually help me out.

I don’t always have the spoons to fight. Many people I know never do. But that doesn’t mean they don’t have needs.

are disabilities. The I wear isn’t for fashion, it’s to make that visible. People don’t always have the spoons to stand up.

I don’t have to convince you I have a disability. There’s more - a lot more - to accessible spaces than physical movement concerns. Your staff should be looking actively for ways to help, not waiting for people to take up a fight they might not be able to.

I’m ok. Decompressing in the bathroom because they don’t have a quiet spot.

@actuallyautistic

ScottSoCal ,
@ScottSoCal@computerfairi.es avatar

@bluGill

What I'm getting from this is that you've never been in an airport. There's always a line at security. In the US, at Heathrow, at Munich airport, there's a line. Seen it with my own two eyes.

@actuallyautistic
@loops

ScottSoCal ,
@ScottSoCal@computerfairi.es avatar

@bluGill

Ah, so it was sarcasm, not an attack on @loops
Good to know.

@actuallyautistic @loops

filmfreak75 , to ActuallyAutistic group
@filmfreak75@mastodon.social avatar

@actuallyautistic looking for non-rabid fans for discussions of both the classic and revival series

and by non-rabid, i mean people not on the “it’s gone woke”, “Jodi Whittaker destroyed the series”, etc. bandwagon

ScottSoCal ,
@ScottSoCal@computerfairi.es avatar

@filmfreak75

I love Doctor Who, going back as far as the first reboot Doctor (Christopher Eccleston). I enjoyed Jodie Whittaker's take on it, and I'm seriously loving the current Doctor.

@actuallyautistic

Tim_McTuffty , to ActuallyAutistic group
@Tim_McTuffty@beige.party avatar

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 216 , Friday 31/05/2024

Up just after 6am today.

A quiet day, the only thing of real note is that what ever is wrong with my left big toe is getting worse.
There are no signs of injury but it hurts to touch & is making it hard to get comfy at night.
Today I caught it as I tripped over one of the Varmints & it hurt like a bugger !
I am slowly falling apart - if anyone wants me for medical science now’s the time to get your bid on ! 😆

The weather has slowly improved today , this evening is lovely & sunny, if a little chilly !

Final Thoughts.

Even being retired, Friday is a special day. I realised it’s June tomorrow - nearly 6 months gone already !

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic

ScottSoCal ,
@ScottSoCal@computerfairi.es avatar

@Tim_McTuffty

Have you ever had a gout flareup? Because that's exactly what my first one felt like, and it kept getting worse until I finally went to the doctor - who yelled at me and told me I could have caused permanent joint damage by waiting.

@actuallyautistic

ScottSoCal ,
@ScottSoCal@computerfairi.es avatar

@Tim_McTuffty

In my case I eat a lot of fruit - daily - and I love things like shrimp and lobster. I've switched to less sweet fruits (Granny Smith apples instead of Envy or Red Delicious) and [sob] given up lobster and shrimp. Mostly. Except when I don't.

@actuallyautistic

hosford42 , to ActuallyAutistic group
@hosford42@techhub.social avatar

This could be the connection between Ehlers-Danlos and neurodivergence. (People with EDS, like me, are 7 times as likely to be autistic and 5 times as likely to have ADHD -- also like me.)

Cartilage-Like Structures Key to Brain Plasticity - Neuroscience News
https://neurosciencenews.com/brain-plasticity-memory-cs6-26042/








@autistic[email protected]
@neurodivergence
@actuallyautistic
@eds

ScottSoCal ,
@ScottSoCal@computerfairi.es avatar

@androcat

I've mostly heard "idiopathic", which is medical for "we don't know why".

@Zumbador @miaoue @hosford42 @cykonot @autistic[email protected] @neurodivergence @actuallyautistic @eds

Ilovechai , to autisticadvocacy group
@Ilovechai@sciences.social avatar

Singing helps regulate my nervous system.



@actuallyautistic @autisticadvocacy

ScottSoCal ,
@ScottSoCal@computerfairi.es avatar

@Ilovechai

Yup, me too. But it has to be a song I know well, because if I can't remember the words that's just more frustration on top of what I'm already feeling.

@actuallyautistic @autisticadvocacy

  • All
  • Subscribed
  • Moderated
  • Favorites
  • •
  • kbinchat
  • All magazines
    •