@LehtoriTuomo@mementomori.social cover
@LehtoriTuomo@mementomori.social avatar

LehtoriTuomo

@[email protected]

Vapaa-ajalla runoilija, muusikko, kirjojen rakastaja, GeneRally-pelifanaatikko. Virastoaikaan yliopistonlehtori TY:ssä, PsT, dosentti. Lietolainen. They/them.

Poet, musician, book lover, GeneRally fanatic, university (senior) lecturer, PhD, associate professor (docent), they/them. Mostly toots in Finnish.

Kiinnostaa mm. musiikki (metal, alternative, punk, folk, electronic, experimental...), kirjallisuus, pelit, psykologia, lukeminen, katseenseuranta, oikeudenmukaisuus, ilmastokatastrofi.

This profile is from a federated server and may be incomplete. View on remote instance

LehtoriTuomo , to ActuallyAutistic group
@LehtoriTuomo@mementomori.social avatar

I've never paid much attention to song lyrics. With repeated listening I might learn bits of it but for many songs I've got no clue what they say even after decades of listening. For me, vocals are just another instrument. Still, I've been the vocalist in several bands!

There's a big difference between Finnish and English lyrics for me. As Finnish is my native language, I find it way easier to decipher lyrics, unlike in English, even though my English is pretty good.

Now that I know about my auditory processing difficulties, I wonder if it's related to that. How about my fellow autistics? Do you pay attention to lyrics?

@actuallyautistic

Jobob ,
@Jobob@mastodon.me.uk avatar

@LehtoriTuomo @actuallyautistic I love lyrics, and have a collection of songs I know by heart.
I get vaguely troubled when a song doesn't really make sense - so for instance Toto's Africa has lyrics that seem like they mean something, but on examination you realise you have no idea what the song is about.

Susan60 ,
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

@LehtoriTuomo @actuallyautistic

It varies, depending on the genre. The lyrics & their meaning are more important in some genres than others. I love to sing & have been in a few choirs. I don’t enjoy singing in other languages purely for the sound, because when I sing, lyrics are important to me. It’s not enough for me to know the overall gist of the song. It’s less important when I’m listening, or merely singing along.

LehtoriTuomo , to ActuallyAutistic group
@LehtoriTuomo@mementomori.social avatar

Checked an old work notebook to see if there were any important notes to transfer somewhere else. Suddenly there was a doodle of myself with an infinity symbol on the t-shirt. The page was about a seminar on neurodiversity at the university! The seminar was two years ago so before my self-diagnosis.

As this might be of interest to others (no big insights though), here are my notes (translated from Finnish):

"- ADHD: different regulation of alertness, emotions, and attention (different way to be)

  • Autism: different social interaction, imagination, and communication (different way to see!)

Neuro minorities:

  • experience of being different
  • understanding of hierarchy
  • thinking outside the box
  • creativity
  • empathy
  • sensory regulation
  • own role
  • own pace
  • special interests
  • social pressure"

The page ends with a personal note that, in hindsight, I absolutely love:

"sometimes wondered whether I myself am on the spectrum, but then again not..."

Can't help thinking the trans trope "there were no signs" 😅

# ADHD
@actuallyautistic

LehtoriTuomo , to ActuallyAutistic group
@LehtoriTuomo@mementomori.social avatar

One of the stereotypes with autistic people is that one is clumsy. Before I self-diagnosed I thought I'm not clumsy. Recently I've become very aware that, actually, I am. Not in relation to big things but dropping small things, knocking them over etc. I've just learned to react quick and often catch them before they hit the surface. If I'm tired, then things start to go wrong.

@actuallyautistic

KatS ,
@KatS@chaosfem.tw avatar

@LehtoriTuomo @actuallyautistic I had a similar realisation recently.

When I was a child, adults would often say something like "you've been in the wars, haven't you?"

As an adult, I'm pretty darn good at recovering and catching things, despite having very slow reflexes. I still walk into things all the time, though, and now that I'm on HRT... my poor developing boobs! It's a running gag in the house that I'm always finding new things to hit them with or catch them on.

Susan60 ,
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

@KatS @LehtoriTuomo @actuallyautistic

I was a bit like that. I practised ball skills etc at home, but was still unco. Playing a couple of seasons of indoor cricket in my early 20s (not very well but it was great fun) helped enormously. Activities like that & golf require a great deal of study & thought & not much natural ability, although practice certainly helps.

My sister OTOH was a sporting all rounder & my brother was a caddy golf champion at the local club where he caddied, & I think both are/were autistic. My team were always very happy to have her fill in if someone dropped out. (She would’ve joined the team, but lived some distance away.)

I loved being active (ADHD) but wasn’t good at sport & was horribly self conscious about that as a child.

LehtoriTuomo , to ActuallyAutistic group
@LehtoriTuomo@mementomori.social avatar

I came to a fast food place I haven't visited in ages. I was delighted that my favorite spot at the far end corner was not taken. Nobody else is in the neighbor tables so I'm alone in this small area. Then it hit me: this is another autism thing. In this spot there's the minimum amount of distractions in this whole place.

@actuallyautistic

Zumbador ,
@Zumbador@mefi.social avatar

@LehtoriTuomo @actuallyautistic Absolutely. Also the ritual of the same space, and the known place. No dysregulating surprises or mystery rules about interactions.

snailkane ,
@snailkane@piipitin.fi avatar

@LehtoriTuomo @actuallyautistic Some persons wonder why I don't want to sit on a couch in a restaurant but prefer a chair. It's because if I sit on a couch I am not facing the wall but the room full of distractions. If I'm in a restaurant with someone, I'd rather sit so that I cannot be distracted so easily if we are to have a conversation

LehtoriTuomo , to ActuallyAutistic group
@LehtoriTuomo@mementomori.social avatar

Been thinking about smiling/not smiling as masking. Yesterday I had a meeting with a colleague, me being tired. Suddenly I realized I'm not smiling and wondered whether I would've smiled in this situation when I didn't understand I'm autistic. I might've forced a smile before but now I didn't feel like smiling so I didn't. This wasn't the first time I realized I'm not smiling while the situation is such that it'd be "desirable" that I do smile.

On the other hand, I've understood that I started unmasking even before I knew I was masking by smiling when I feel like it walking down the street. I might be just happy, see something nice, or maybe think about something amusing. People don't usually smile on their own and I've recognized this impulse to hide one's smile.

@actuallyautistic

ScottSoCal ,
@ScottSoCal@computerfairi.es avatar

@Susan60

Within the last 12 months I heard someone use that tired old sexist line about a woman (a co-worker) should smile more, to get along in the workplace.
She's a PhD mechanical engineer, she doesn't have to smile if she doesn't want to.

@pathfinder @LehtoriTuomo @actuallyautistic

Susan60 ,
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

@ScottSoCal @pathfinder @LehtoriTuomo @actuallyautistic

We had a female politician make a comment on a state budget & get asked what on earth she would know about economics. She left her job as an economics professor to enter parliament. Not sure if she got told to smile more.

LehtoriTuomo , to ActuallyAutistic group
@LehtoriTuomo@mementomori.social avatar

I like to keep my long hair open. For the most part it's behind my ears but I'd love to keep it flying free. But then, with even a little bit of wind all of those single hairs are everywhere on my face, tickling and demanding attention. No wonder I have a reflex putting then behind my ears.

@actuallyautistic

LehtoriTuomo , to ActuallyAutistic group
@LehtoriTuomo@mementomori.social avatar

Took a bunch of autism-related online tests, some of which I've also taken in the past. While I previously didn't score "high enough", now several tests said that I have autistic characteristics and am likely somewhere in the spectrum. Huh.

When answering questions, I noticed some places where I would've answered differently earlier. Now that I've been on the self-discovery journey, it seems I've come to understand many things I wasn't aware of earlier. Very interesting.

@actuallyautistic

magdalenahai ,
@magdalenahai@mstdn.social avatar

@LehtoriTuomo @actuallyautistic täällä joku jakoi oisko ollut viime vuoden puolella sellaisen suomenkielisen testin, jossa oli otettu huomioon naistyypillisyys. Minä, joka olen keikkunut kaikkien autismitestien rajalla, olin siinä ihan selvästi spektrillä. Tää oli... jännä. 😀

LehtoriTuomo , to ActuallyAutistic group
@LehtoriTuomo@mementomori.social avatar

"It might not feel like it's an active step toward self-acceptance or authenticity, but coming to understand yourself as disabled is a pretty dramatic reframing of your life."

  • Devon Price in Unmasking Autism

This sentence hits me hard. Haven't thought it using that wording. My internalized ableism screams. "I'm not disabled!" But I am. I need to digest this.

@actuallyautistic

miaoue ,
@miaoue@neurodifferent.me avatar

@wilbr @bananamangodog "disabled" is not a bad word! no it doesn't need to change, and definitely not to the uncomfortable euphemism "differently abled". disabled advocates consistently argue in favor of the term "disabled", not only because it's unflinchingly truthful, but because it's become a term of identity. rather than divert to euphemisms because of the stigma against disability, advocates argue for using the existing term with pride. see some of their thoughts here:

https://www.irishtimes.com/life-and-style/health-family/disabled-is-not-a-bad-word-stop-telling-people-with-disabilities-it-is-1.4857377
https://www.thevaluable500.com/spotlight/opinion-disabled-is-not-a-bad-word
https://disabilityrightsflorida.org/blog/entry/disability_is_not_a_bad_word
https://news.vanderbilt.edu/2019/04/23/disability-is-not-a-dirty-word-handi-capable-should-be-retired/

@LehtoriTuomo
@faithisleaping @actuallyautistic

Zumbador ,
@Zumbador@mefi.social avatar

@miaoue

Miaoue thank you for articulating this so clearly. I absolutely agree. At some point we need to stop the euphemism creep of making up a new term with positive associations ("Special Needs", for example) that inevitably becomes contaminated with abelist associations.

Dig our heels in and reclaim "disabled" as a term, and directly challenge what needs to be changed: not the word, but the abelist prejudice.

@wilbr @bananamangodog @LehtoriTuomo @faithisleaping @actuallyautistic

LehtoriTuomo , to ActuallyAutistic group
@LehtoriTuomo@mementomori.social avatar

This self-discovery journey has been mostly satisfying. However, sometimes one is not really sure what to think. Overcompensating in order not to appear selfish is to be very helpful. I've thought this is an important part about me. I like to help. Now I read that this might actually be a way of masking. I guess the important part is not to OVERcompensate. And to think about my wellbeing first. Ah well.

@actuallyautistic

autism101 ,
@autism101@mstdn.social avatar

@LehtoriTuomo @actuallyautistic
I remember when I first saw one of Monty Pythons sketches on, “How not to be seen.” I identified with it so much. I remember thinking that was my raison d’etre. Masking feels a lot like that to me.

thedaemon ,
@thedaemon@bsd.network avatar

@LehtoriTuomo @actuallyautistic I have a horrible time determining if I am being selfish, or just taking care of myself. It's so stressful.

LehtoriTuomo , to ActuallyAutistic group
@LehtoriTuomo@mementomori.social avatar

I love Unmasking Autism. I've now read almost the first half and there's this constant flow of "that's me!", "oh!" and "wtf?!" from my part.

Part about learning certain characteristics being unwanted and masking by overcompensating for them was especially revealing. Things that really resonated:

"Pretending I didn't know the answers to questions" and "Keeping silent when people said things that weren't true" in order not to appear arrogant.

"Solving problems by myself" and "Not getting 'too excited' about anything, including good things" in order not to appear annoying and loud.

"Nodding or laughing, even when I have no idea what's going on" in order not to appear clueless and pathetic.

"Not voicing my needs" in order not to appear sensitive.

I'm in this picture and I don't like it... It's not that I recognize ever being certain things but I recognize overcompensating.

@actuallyautistic

H2O ,
@H2O@climatejustice.social avatar

@stevenray @LehtoriTuomo @actuallyautistic

https://www.thriftbooks.com/w/unmasking-autism-discovering-the-new-faces-of-neurodiversity_devon-price/29718987/#isbn=0593235231

stevenray ,
@stevenray@sfba.social avatar

@H2O @LehtoriTuomo @actuallyautistic that's great, thanks so much!

LehtoriTuomo , to ActuallyAutistic group
@LehtoriTuomo@mementomori.social avatar

I've noticed that I've started unmasking in company where it feels safe. Just little things but still. I love eye contact but instead of doing it constantly, I let my eyes wander or look somewhere else. Then I might become aware that this could be considered rude. I trust that these people don't mind. Stimming a bit. Just a bit.

@actuallyautistic

LehtoriTuomo , to ActuallyAutistic group
@LehtoriTuomo@mementomori.social avatar

I'm currently reading Unmasking Autism by Devon Price and it's super interesting. It surely resonates and I recognize myself in many places.

Reading about "female autism" -- which Price criticizes as a label -- was a real eye opener. I too am a very sensitive and likable person who adjusts to new situations quickly.

For instance, I've noticed ages ago that I take cues from the situation, mirror verbal and nonverbal expressions and mannerisms. I might not give much of my real self if the situation doesn't feel safe. It often doesn't. Plus I'm introverted so there's that.

Another example. When writing to others, I tone my reply to fit the recipient or forum. I've loved using emojis but if the recipient doesn't use them, I haven't used them either.

And now I read this is masking. Mind blown.

@actuallyautistic

yourautisticlife ,
@yourautisticlife@mast.yourautisticlife.com avatar

@LehtoriTuomo

My own brand of autism is more similar to how females typically present. However, I'm AMAB.

Is it any wonder that I am an enby?

@actuallyautistic

iita ,
@iita@tech.lgbt avatar

@LehtoriTuomo @actuallyautistic
Toning replies is considered masking? Wow. Oops. Ouch.

LehtoriTuomo , to ActuallyAutistic group
@LehtoriTuomo@mementomori.social avatar

Went to a bar with a visiting scholar. The first three hours or so were fun. We had good food and nice whisky. Colleague was chatty and I enjoyed listening.

Then loud drunk people came in. I noticed I had hard time following my colleague's talk. The drunk people started to get on my nerves. I was also very conscious of my pinkish nails. Now that I've paid more attention to my bodily reactions, I noticed how anxious the change of the atmosphere made me.

Fortunately I had already checked my bus schedule and the colleague had said that I can just let him know whenever I have to leave. I said that it's getting loud, then explained I'm autistic and have auditory processing problems and that there would be a bus in 15 minutes. He said that we can leave right away. 💜 Once outside, it felt better again.

The older I get, the less I enjoy noisy bars. Or should I say the less I tolerate them. Never really liked them.

@actuallyautistic

lkanies ,
@lkanies@hachyderm.io avatar

@LehtoriTuomo @actuallyautistic same.

I find it quite freeing now to just let myself admit that I cannot tolerate it.

LehtoriTuomo , to ActuallyAutistic group
@LehtoriTuomo@mementomori.social avatar

Yesterday I was wearing sunglasses when I went to the city centre as it was sunny. Oh my, what a difference it made to the sensory overdrive. As I mentioned earlier, I like to watch around but had finally noticed that I keep grounding myself by looking at ground due to all the visual input. Sunglasses took the edge off and it was way easier to look at things.

@actuallyautistic

AutisticDoctorStruggles ,
@AutisticDoctorStruggles@mas.to avatar

@LehtoriTuomo @actuallyautistic amazing! I love going around with sunglasses! I feel like they add some privacy for my face 😁

Susan60 ,
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

@LehtoriTuomo @actuallyautistic

I don’t like my sunglasses to be too dark, because I like to see as well as possible at all times (hence prescription sunnies), but they do make a difference. I frequently change glasses on days where it’s sunny but with a few clouds, especially when driving. Hats help too.

I went to the city today by tram & forgot earplugs/headphones. 😠

LehtoriTuomo , to ActuallyAutistic group
@LehtoriTuomo@mementomori.social avatar

Mentioned to a coworker that I'm getting some books, for example on autism, and as they showed interest in the topic, proceeded to lightly info dump. Did give some space so that it was a true conversation. However, it reminded me of a thing I've been pondering.

As I present male, I've always been overly cautious of not mansplaining -- or at least ever since I learned about the term. Now that I know I'm autistic, I understand it's entangled with having learned that NTs don't like infodumping.

Whatever the cause, I have a tendency to stay silent even if I know about the topic at hand but aren't 100% certain that it's appropriate to talk about it. Sometimes it makes me sad.

@actuallyautistic

ematts ,
@ematts@mastodon.online avatar

@Tattie @felyashono @LehtoriTuomo @actuallyautistic this! 😌

llPK ,
@llPK@mastodon.social avatar

@Tooden @felyashono @actuallyautistic it seems to me that disclaimers showing benevolent intent make messages from strangers a bit more pleasant, a lot goes a little way

  • All
  • Subscribed
  • Moderated
  • Favorites
  • •
  • kbinchat
  • All magazines
    •