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DrMcStrange

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Bioinformatician, geneticist, evolutionary biologist, anarchist.
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Zumbador , to ActuallyAutistic group
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@actuallyautistic

Here's something that causes friction between me and my family.

Someone asks me to make a decision about something I don't have a strong preference, but they want me to have a preference.

"do you want x or y? "

Saying "I don't care" comes across as rude, and even softening it as "I don't really have a preference" or turning it back to them by saying "what do you think?" isn't appreciated. They want me to care.

I understand that they want me to choose so they don't have to do that emotional labour. That's fair. But often when I do choose (at random), they try to change my mind, and then I'm back to square one because I don't really care, and I don't want to lie!

A honest answer would be "I'm depressed, I don't want to exist. Putting on a polite face is taking up all my effort, expecting me to actually care is beyond my capacity"

But that's too heavy for most interactions.

I'm not sure what I'm asking for here, just writing it out.

DrMcStrange ,
@DrMcStrange@kolektiva.social avatar

@Zumbador @actuallyautistic
These days I'll generally say something like "x, but I'd be happy with either if you have a strong preference". Which works fine with my current partner but would have been disastrous with my ex, so ymmv.

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