Apytele

@[email protected]

I love genuine questions and people putting in the effort to love and understand each other better. If you come at me just wanting to argue I’m going to troll you back. FAFO.

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Apytele ,

Nah do it like they do in Europe. Pictures of what it looks like to be held to the bed screaming by a 19y/o who had no idea what they signed up for while an ICU nurse shoves a tube up your ass so that the diarrhea they induced to rebalance your ammonia doesn't dissolve your anus as quickly except she can't get the tube to stay in because your anus has already been slightly dissolved so she keeps shoving the tube back in and you're still screaming because you're in acute alcohol withdrawal and the terrified child they're paying $12 an hour to help the ICU nurse restrain you seems to have snakes crawling out of their dinner-plate sized eyes.

Apytele , (edited )

I'm referring to the disturbing images on packaging.

Apytele ,

This is just proof of the peak performance of CHONK. Prioritizing energy storage is a great strategy utilized by many different organisms even as distantly related as animals and plants. You can afford to send out more shoots than a seraphim has eyes when you were born from the ground gently swaddled in a metric fuckton of starch you generational wealth inheriting bastard. But like it or not, this is peak evolutionary performance.

Apytele ,

I dream of one day being a famous copypasta author.

Apytele ,

Trained pavlovian responses to sensory triggers. If you meditate to the smell of lavender enough times eventually it starts inducing a trance you can use to combat panic attacks. You can also use other smells, sounds, colored lights, textures, etc. It actually works best if you use multiple different senses at a time. The catch is you have to continue meditating to whatever sensory trigger(s) you've decided on, and you have to do it more often than you use it to stop anxiety/panic. If you use it a bunch of times when you're anxious / panicking and don't keep using those triggers when you're already calm, eventually the behavioral pathway will flip and the calming trigger will start causing anxiety instead because that's when you're doing it most. Ever set your morning alarm to your favorite song (if you haven't, don't). Even your favorite song in the world will eventually sour if it's heard more often interrupting a blissful sleep than being vibed to.

Apytele , (edited )

So the Dialectal Behavior Therapy (DBT) skill above is called sensory-self-soothe, but it sounds like you might need something more like opposite action. I do recommend you take a breather first, so try to take a little bit of time away from those things entirely. This is to let some of your overall emotional inflammation die back before actually getting to work on this. You're not gonna get this done right if your emotions haven't even had a chance to stop getting their ass beat. How much time is gonna depend a lot on how you specifically relate to or need any of those things, but even 15 minutes can make a huge difference, especially if adrenaline/panic juice is involved. That said, if it's some distant acquaintance you might just cancel lunch and get back to them next week, y'know?

So opposite action means intentionally acting differently than the emotion you are feeling calls you to, with the eventual goal of changing the emotion you are feeling. The worst part is that that's a legit measurable phenomenon in behavioral psychology; you actually can fake an emotion until you feel it. Your brain will literally be like,"well. I'm smiling. So I guess I'm happy?????" Brains are dumb but the cool part is once you know your own exploits stuff gets a lot easier, and this one is in pretty much all human brains.

IMPORTANT FIRST STEP. should you be using opposite action to solve this issue? There's a decent chance that whatever feeling you're having is actually relevant, actionable, and important, so you need to rule that out before you use it. If there is a person or entity who is physically hurting you, constantly criticizing you or saying hurtful things, controlling you, etc, you're supposed to feel anxious/generally bad around them or it. Those unpleasant emotions are there to tell you to move away from something dangerous. I don't know enough about your situation to know if it's legit or not, I have no way of finding out over an internet message board, and more importantly, it sounds like you're talking about multiple things, so I suspect it's a mix of both legitimate and trivial anxieties. You'll need to evaluate the relevance, importance, and action-ability of each emotional state on a case by case basis. If one of them doesn't match up, opposite action is probably the wrong skill. For reference:

  • Relevance - "is it an emotion that makes sense for me to feel about this situation?" If not, try to figure out what you're actually upset about first.
  • Importance - "do I need to act on this?" - major fight with your significant other? Yes. Some idiot took too long in the crosswalk? No. If it is something important, you probably either need
    • one of the problem-solving skills like pro and con lists to differentiate options or behavioral chain analysis to break down specific, individual undesired behaviors (often but not always substance related).
    • one of the interpersonal skills, specifically DEAR MAN (negotiation) or FAST (negotiation / boundary setting).
  • Action-ability - "is there anything I can do about it anyway?" If you are in an abusive / oppressive situation, sometimes it's ok to push your emotions down for a bit for the sake of safety, just also try to focus equal energy on finding safe outlets.

How to use it? idfk lol I'm not in your fucking brain and we're probably not even in the same country. Be willing to be a little creative though. A great first step is before you even go back to trying to interact with that person or thing, try to spend some time reminiscing about what you did like about that person. Scrapbooks and photo albums are great for this, physical or digital. Video is extra good. Do an activity you bonded over. Use, wear, look at, or otherwise enjoy a gift they gave you. Read a nice message they sent you. Protip: start collecting stuff like this about your loved ones in an accessible location if this is a problem you have often. When you're with the person, the two big things I recommend are:

  • keeping your posture as relaxed as you can. I don't know if you've ever learned to swim or a sport or craft where you have to relax your body but that's part of it. The other part is to think about how you interact with an overall space when you're comfortable. How do you sit on a couch when you're comfortable vs uncomfortable? How do you walk down a hall? What clothes do you wear? What are your mannerisms? Study your comfortable self like an actor doing a character study, then practice playing that part (as much as is appropriate anyway, some comfort behaviors are for private environments only obviously). It will legitimately feedback and make you less anxious.
  • doing favors / generally being kind to the person. This mostly speaks for itself, but to illustrate my point I'd like to point out that it's also a known behavioral psychology phenomenon that successfully getting another person to perform favors for you will legit make them like you more.

Like I said, dumb, but very useful once you know the exploits.

Apytele ,

I was in the mood, lol. lmk if it helps.

Apytele ,

I just taught my coworkers how to pirate shit. Fuck Disney.

Apytele ,

This was like two years ago and I've never had an issue. Have some faith in humans.

Apytele ,

Sir, we're gonna need a sample, for science.

Apytele ,

They better get to it. Edit: the way to destroy the universe, I mean.

Apytele ,

Why do you sleep with your hand down the front of your pants? I've worked in multiple psych hospitals, for a while exclusively with men and a bunch sleep with their hand on their junk. I thought it was purely an institutional "thing" that they'd picked up to protect the family jewels but then I noticed other men I knew casually doing it, even just while relaxing while awake and one of our security even got fired for falling asleep out on the unit in a patient care area like that, so it must be comfy, but is that the only reason?

Apytele ,

  1. You can't always expect it, especially if you have some kind of reproductive disorder like endometriosis, PCOS, etc. This results in massive simultaneous messes of both bloody clothing and wasted, un-bloodied period products, and is colloquially known as "hell." It is often preventable (but also often caused) with/by hormonal birth control.

  2. If you spend some time really getting in touch with your bodily sensations and logging all of them in relation to your cycle, you can often start to notice things like mood swings, increased acne, bloating, headaches, cramping, and other common pre-menstrual symptoms. My whole vulva would ache. My whole inner lips, outer lips, taint, everything just felt like it was bruised, then next day, blood!

  3. You start by wearing your least favorite underwear. All women have a ranking of underwear from cutest / sexiest to period-est for this exact reason. This exactly what you keep the dingy ones around for. It usually starts small, also called "spotting." So you'll just go to pee, see a little smear or dot of blood, and start using products from there.

  4. Sometimes you can feel it just drop out feeling exactly like one of those vagina goo sharts. In fact, you're usually hoping it's a vagina goo shart because you can just wipe that out with toilet paper and move on with your day. It's not gonna soak through and stain three layers of clothing like blood would. Enough of it left sitting on the fabric for long enough (like, weeks) would bleach the fabric but blood is a pain in the ass if it's not a fabric you can just soak in H2O2.

I'm also an RN with a fair amount of experience in sexual health if you have any more period or reproductive health questions! Only thing I'm not good at is obstetrics (pregnancy), but everything that happens before that I can explain in detail.

Apytele ,

I'm answering a fair number of femme questions because a) I was raised that way so can speak to that best and b) afaik lemmy skews masc, so that perspective is likely more needed. Both of those points said, I don't have the kind of dysphoria that precludes me comfortably discussing what parts I have or have had, which I've heard can be a thing.

Apytele ,

Your body is making sure it can still do that. Like literally checking that it can and also doing basic maintenance / resource delivery to make sure it will continue to be able to.

This was the thing I learned today

Apytele ,

Fyi a silicone menstrual cup is non-porous, so it can be worn for up to 12 hours at a time (the staph bacteria that cause toxic shock can safely hide and reproduce in the cotton sponginess of a tampon, away from the acidity of normal vaginal fluid).

Apytele ,

This would explain the institutional connection, cots can be narrow.

Apytele ,

Oh wait you mean forward up between the lips? Yeah but not like into the vagina, it gets up into the hair like you said and disperses from there. Also for some reason I wanna say those ones don't really smell much even. It's those hot little ones that do that but I think that happens to guys too, idk tho you tell me.

Apytele ,

Similar to how you can feel a sensual touch on your lips, nipples, or fingertips. There's a bunch of nerves there and if you're having a good time already and you're relaxed enough for it to not hurt, all that stimulation feels good. It also has the benefit of being right behind the vagina and the trailing tail ends of the internal clitoris, so they get stimulated a little too.

Additionally, if we're talking multiple penetration, when you have an object in the anus whether it's static or thrusting it stretches out the rectum and occupies space within the the pelvis. This means that when you go to insert an object into the vagina, there is less space in the pelvis for it to also expand out into. This means that the vagina will be tighter around the inserted object and as a result that object will feel larger than it otherwise would.

Even without any of that they say the brain is your biggest sex organ for a reason, some people can actually meditate themselves to orgasm (although there is some abdominal flexing iirc). Anal is a taboo at least to some extent in most places, and psychologically that's a cheap arousal button for an insane number of people.

Apytele ,

About the same I would say.

Apytele ,

Why wouldn't you choose to accentuate the rich color of this absolute citrus FRUIT of a boi.

Apytele , (edited )

Not sure how math/logic factors into this for you but the impossibility of proving a negative seems to apply here. It's one of the basic bits of logic I teach patients (at least when they ask about reality testing, which is rare). I tell them it's pretty near impossible to prove something doesn't exist or didn't happen, and that I find the best thing is to focus on what was most likely. It's very rare I don't find a very mundane reason for pretty much everything, and the few things I can't there's pretty much nothing I can do about anyway.

Apytele , (edited )

I've met some people in those industries whose poor luck in life (particularly prolonged poverty) has led to some unpleasant personality quirks, but that's less of an issue of personal moral failings and more of an indictment of the society we live in.

Massive issues with sleep and desperate for a solution.

I’ve been struggling with sleep issues for over a decade now. My Doctor has prescribed me all sorts of medication, all of which has had many adverse side effects. What I do know that works, is Xanax. My wife was prescribed it for some stress issues and occasionally will give me one so I can finally sleep. Obviously asking my...

Apytele ,

Yeah Xanax is literally the worst thing possible for this, especially as a frequent thing. It'll significantly worsen your sleep quality in the long run. (Hi I'm a psych nurse and I meet a lot of people stuck in insomnia hell because they've been slapping a Xanax bandaid on it for a few years while it just continued to devolve and now they're basically psychotic because they never actually fixed the root issue.

I'm also hearing a lot from you about medications and next to nothing about any lifestyle changes. No medication will ever actually fix this kind of problem. Medications just give you a leg up on fixing yourself.

First of all what stimulants do you use, especially caffeine and nicotine? (I would also hope you already know to avoid meth and cocaine and not take stimulant ADHD meds at bedtime.) Are you avoiding them in the last 6 hours before bed? A lot of people (especially with ADHD) will say stimulants calm them down but what they're actually feeling is a change from their baseline restless anxious awake to a focused, productive awake. The second one feels more settled, and can actually help you fall asleep briefly if the specific problem is difficulty holding still long enough to sleep, but it's going to completely fuck up your circadian rhythm in the long run.

Speaking of circadian rhythms, are you trying to keep your body in a steady daily routine? This includes a consistent bedtime, but your mealtimes and daily physical activity are part of your circadian rhythms too. There's a lot of different schools of thought on how to time meals and exercise to best support sleep, but the general consensus is just don't do either right before bed. I would also recommend adding a structured "wind-down" period to your nightly routine that takes 15-30 minutes where you do one of like three basic things:

  • something mind-numbingly boring

  • something you've always found soothing/comforting

  • Journaling about the day to give your brain a head start on the memory processing it's about to do.

It's also very helpful to create full sensory environments that you use to trigger pavlovian responses. You know how pavlov's dog drools when the bell rings because it's used to food showing up when the bell rings? The biggest difference between you and a dog is that you get to decide what you want to be trained to do. The downside to this is that it can take a while to train these responses into your body, so be patient and don't just give up after like a week. So you'll want to create at least two full and distinct sensory environments. The specifics don't matter as much as creating a consistent routine for yourself, but here's some examples of things I've tried or seen people try:

Alert

  • Sight: Curtains open / sunlight / full spectrum white light is the input that aligns most closely with most people's existing natural rhythm.
  • Sound: Music, white noise of people talking in the background.
  • Smell: Essential oils are actually really good for training pavlovian responses in yourself because of how powerful scent memory is. A lot of people like to incorporate citrus-y smells for alertness, but personally I actually really enjoy just keeping my used coffee grounds from the morning in a cup on my desk. That also brings us to the next one...
  • Taste: Coffee has a pretty distinct taste that most people associate with alertness, and you can get a similar taste from chicory root and/or decaf coffee, but one real cup right after waking up shouldn't mess you up too bad. Chewing gum is also an option, however.
  • Touch: The big one for me doing classes from home during COVID was still getting up and putting on "outside clothes" even if I was just sitting at the computer at home.

Rest

  • Sight: usually red-yellow spectrum light, and much lower brightness around bedtime. You can turn on a red-shift filter for most electronic devices these days, and LED bulbs also often come in a yellow-orange incandescent style color (and a lot of hobby/makeup lights have multiple color settings for this reason as well, white for when you're working, orange/yellow for resting/relaxing.
  • Sound: some people listen to soothing music, I conditioned myself to fall asleep to the sound of a raging thunderstorm because I sleep during the day and work at night, and the thunderstorm sounds easily block out daytime noises.
  • Smell: Lots of options here too for essential oils or other scented products. You could also use a specific lotion or wash your sheets in a specific scented detergent. A lot of people say they find lavender scents to be particularly soothing, but again, the exact sensory trigger isn't important as much as you picking one to use consistently.
  • Taste: Herbal tea is my biggest recommendation here, but you could also go with a small snack/sweet as part of your nightly routine.
  • Touch: We already covered wearing different clothes, but some additional options include a weighted blanket or one of those compression sleep pods (I just got one to try out recently and like it so far!)

Anyway like I said, these can take a while to train your body to do, so pick things that will be easy for you to do, set up your space to make it as easy as possible to keep doing them, and keep at it. The most important thing is consistency and routine.

Apytele ,

Specially trained pigeon.

In our post-AI era, is job security strictly mythical? Or How to believe in careers as a concept worth doing?

With the lastest news of AI layoffs, I'm struggling to understand how the idea of a career still holds. If careers themselves effectively become gambles like lottery tickets, how do we maintain drive and hopes in the longterm endgame of our struggles?...

Apytele ,

lmk when AI can wipe your grandmas ass because right now they barely trust the robots to save my CNA's back by just doing the lifting part. If an AI can actually do your job properly I can almost guarantee it wasn't a real job to begin with. And yes, that includes artists; if an AI can match the quality of your art, you had problems way before all of this.

Apytele ,

My lab partner in school was a memnonite. I'm sure she doesn't speak for everyone, but her comment on the topic was something to the effect of,"we don't hate technology, we just wait to see if you guys can work out all the kinks first."

Apytele ,

She has all the love of being into kid's media, but without that usual weird adult fandom shit where they get super mad that entertainment for 10 year olds doesn't speak to the adult life experience. My partner watches her videos and she often comments in her reviews why a theme park is not set up correctly to entertain a child, since that's usually supposed to be the main theme park demographic. So with Jenny you get all the warm fuzzy nostalgia (and she's also very well read/learned about her subject matter!) without the toxic fandom bullshit. She will mention toxic fandoms such as bronies giving her shit at conventions for not being a real fan of my little pony as a girl who was the exact right age when the OG MLP was running.

Apytele OP ,

I said local. I would encourage you to vote democratic at the state and national level but that's not what this is about. Everyone pretty much already knows who they're voting for in that part of the election. It's the mayors and school board people we need to flip now too though if we ever want to get out of this. A pause button only helps you if you do something with the time you bought. The fact that you still had to make this conversation about the national race IS the psyop.

Apytele OP ,

Cool, but people can do this right now on the toilet while shitting. They can start working on that other stuff when they actually have time. Baby steps here. Also you need third parties running things before you can get that done anyway because democrats won't do that for the exact same reason they'll never actually get rid of the Republicans.

Apytele ,

Yes and no. I've had to insert a LOT of meaning to get a story worth any substance, and I've had to do a lot of editing to get good images. It's really good at giving me a figure that's 90% done, but that last 10% touching up still often takes me a day or so of work.

Apytele ,

People really underestimate how much COVID just completely emotionally hamstrung this new generation of young adults. Right in the middle of the most socially important life stages (identity vs role confusion and intimacy vs isolation) and they spent two years of it in literal isolation. The people who were already well into adulthood were hurt by the isolation as well, but at least they have an existing interpersonal framework to try to revert to. These kids have next to nothing.

Apytele ,

Oh god I was worried they killed him horribly this is actually probably fine and almost an expected setback.

Apytele ,

For a technology that could someday help a quadriplegic interact with the world fully and independently again I'm willing to tolerate some hitches. There's a reason they didn't pick some full on walkie talkie for their first human trial, and there's a reason that kid looked motherucking hyped to have brand new technology that he's the first human to even try installed directly into his fucking brain. The problem is abled people thinking this is fundamentally for them. Bby no, they're trying to help people walk again, even if the legs are robots. You're looking at the wrong risk-benefit profile.

Apytele ,

yes, screw the quadriplegics so you can feel good about staying on your moral high ground. Your hill to live and die on takes much higher priority than people who can't shift their own body weight developing holes in their ass I can fit my fist in but still not be able to see the bone because it's covered in maggots. Yeah there need to be guardrails in place to keep him from doing silly shit with it and make sure it's affordable for the people who need it, but a) the technology is still in it's infancy b) how about you put all this piss and vinegar towards political action to beef up the FDA (who are already regulating this situation per the linked article?). While you're at it the CDC could use a little more money and public backing too. How about you go out into the world and encourage people to trust scientific institutions more? There are about a thousand different ways you could be expressing these morals in a way that actually helps people instead of just making you feel better about yourself.

Apytele , (edited )

Hi I'm a psych nurse with my own mental health issues so I've both had done similar problems and worked with hundreds of other people who have had similar problems.

a) get yourself into one of those alanon groups for family and other loved ones of addicts. They will give far better advice than I or any other internet person ever will.

b) decide on your boundaries now and communicate them clearly at a moment that he's in a good headspace (don't just pop it on him right after the wife files for instance).

c) Your personal boundaries are very personal, but I do recommend you decide on how much money you're willing to give him and how. It could be anything from 1k towards the debt if you're exceptionally kind and have it to give him, to just offering to buy him a good meal now and then. If you ever help with rent or anything however, I highly recommend you pay the person he owes directly so he doesn't have a chance to think he can solve all these problems with one more because it'll finally be his big win.

c) Also decide how much you're willing to get yelled at because I can almost guarantee he's going to get frustrated with those boundaries and cuss you out at some point. You don't have to lay this out in detail but I do recommend you at least say "I do expect to not be abused." And he's not going to be joking he's going to bring up any traumas or mommy issues or whatever skeleton in your closet that he knows about. I know because I've done it and watched hundreds of other addicts do it. It's a normal response to both the internal chemical changes as his neurotransmitters re-level AND all his interpersonal relationships shift to healthier ones. You're still not obligated to sit through that. So decide how much you're willing to take now. If your line is physical aggression, decide if you're willing to put up with him getting in your face without swinging, because a lot of people who have gotten good at being addicts know how to toe lines real good so you better paint them bitches crisp.

d) recommend whatever mental health resources you can talk him into going to. Anything from support groups (AA has a lot of spinoffs for other addictions, but 12 step is usually better for more spiritual people. If he's particularly secular, try SMART instead). Also definitely encourage him to go to a psychiatrist. Even behavioral/nonchemical addictions can significantly alter brain chemistry in a way he may need a leg up to really overcome (behavioral addictions are things like gambling, binge eating, video games, and porn vs chemical ones like heroin, meth, etc. As an aside, weed is kind of a grey area, it's not super chemically addictive, but it can definitely be behaviorally so for the wrong person).

e) if you're really down for it, learn a few formal crisis intervention strategies. You could try taking a mental health first aid class or reading a book but to give you a leg up I'll tell you the skill that took me 10 minutes to learn and I literally use it every single night I work: S.E.T. communication or Support, Empathy, Truth.

Support - a simple statement that aligns your values and desires with his.

  • "I really want you to get this debt handled. I want you to get out of this and stay out of this.

  • "I want to stand by you and keep helping you with this."

Empathy - a simple statement about your understanding of why this has been difficult for them.

  • "and man it's a shitload of of money you're probably looking at like mount fucking everest."

  • "and I know you're going through it right now"

Truth - a possibly less simple statement of the best way they can step with you towards that goal. The other two steps are to give you the best possible setup and help him feel heard to get him in just the right headspace to really hear this part.

  • "I can't buy you out of this and honestly I don't think it would help you in the long run if I did. The best way to get this paid off is to not get into more shit and take what you have now one step at a time."

  • "and I wanna be here for you to lean on through this but I can't carry you. To keep working with you on this I need you working with me. I'm gonna give us both a day or two to let the steam blow off, and then I'm gonna come back and try to talk this out again so we can get back on the same page."

It doesn't work 100% of the time but compared to fumbling your way through these conversations it's practically magic.

This brings us to f) if he does get hot, DO. NOT. ARGUE. do not argue when people are not capable of responding rationally. It tends to just increase the irrationality and nuke any working relationship that's been built. He might do great for the most part but every once in a while the dopamine or adrenaline or whatever else is gonna hit just right and he'll turn into a straight asshole for a short period. Just tell him you're both gonna take a breather (phrasing it as a "mutual" breather may help him take it less personal, but if he asks, tell him you needed time to process how he treated you, don't let him make it about what you said unless you did actually say some dumb shit) and don't talk to him for AT LEAST 15 minutes. I say at least because depending on how wild he gets you might need to extend that to like 3 days or so, maybe even more. 15 minutes is just the average time it takes adrenaline to dissipate and I use that timing a lot to reapproach people at work.

Hope all this helps!

Apytele , (edited )

https://sh.itjust.works/pictrs/image/651cc409-55a8-4d2d-9a13-45c7f330f048.gif

Honestly the funny part is that the addiction med isn't even really my specific subspecialty, it's just that it is personality disorders and there's a LOT of overlap in the behaviors they present with as well as just general comorbidity.

Apytele ,

As I understand it a good few nazis actually did flee to south America, so it's not like they just scrambled that one together from random bullshit.

Apytele ,

My suspicion is that it's supposed to be a prion which is a misfolded protein that causes other proteins to also misfold which eventually just makes a giant mess of your brain and kills you, similar to how a badly executed pivot table might crash your computer. The obvious difference is that we can't reboot your brain. The closest we've gotten is probably ECT, but even that's just mostly an in-joke between me and my coworkers about it just dumping all your neurotransmitters out so they can be marie-kondo-ed back into the right places.

Apytele ,

You win some, you lose some.

Apytele ,

The gym isn't a bad place to meet girls, but I wouldn't cold approach them for the most part or assume any who do talk to you want a relationship.

My best advice is that if you really like the gym and fitness, take a class at the gym that is likely to have more women in it, like yoga or a dance class. Do try to pick something you actually are kind of interested learning more about, though. It'll give you something else to focus on and take the pressure off trying to meet people. It'll also make you look better as a potential partner if they can personally watch you working hard at learning something.

How do people actually dumpster dive to get free food? Are there any other cheap/free ways like this to get food?

My local food bank can only provide 8 packages with referrals every time before you run out, and I have, but my situation hasn't improved financially due to various set backs and I'm struggling to feed myself. I've heard that supermarkets throw out massive amounts, but have never been in a position where dumpster diving seemed...

Apytele ,

I would start by observing the places around you that serve food. Stop by 30 minutes to an hour before close and see when and where they typically throw things out and what condition the food is still in.

Apytele , (edited )

I've never understood why people on the internet feel the need to express their deviant sexual preferences on threads like these, IVAGINAL only.

Yes, I'm being facetious.

Apytele ,

We just don't say it aloud for the most part because it sounds like one of those new weirdly specific kinks.

Reddit mirrors

I know it’s not popular and I’m typically against it but I was listening to a podcast and it made me think there are absolutely important communities that shouldn’t be on a centralised platform like Reddit. The contents of them are so important that it should be on the Open Social Web. I’m wondering if there is someone...

Apytele ,

Isn't this what lemmit was for?

I tried making a c/curatedreddit but it never really took off. c/curatedtumblr is going pretty good though.

How should I change my polite behavior to be more accommodating?

My parents raised me to always say "yes sir" and "no ma'am", and I automatically say it to service workers and just about anyone with whom I'm not close that I interact with. I noticed recently that I had misgendered a cashier when saying something like "no thank you, ma'am" based on their appearing AFAB, but on a future visit...

Apytele ,

I used to specifically work all-male forensics. The intricacies of social structure asking criminally insane men can be somewhat complex, but sir (and now that I work coed sometimes ma'am) goes a lot farther than you'd think. It also helps to start every shift by walking into the dayroom and saying "good evening gentlemen! How's everybody doing tonight?"

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