Interesting reflection on annoyance as a flag for recognising changing norms, & what it can tell us about our threatened privilege.
Feeling mystified by & out of sync with the norms of our culture & exhausted by trying to understand & navigate them is a daily & lifelong experience for those of us who perceive & process information differently. Rather than navigating social spaces effortlessly we labour to identify & articulate social norms, then analyse them in the light of other information & our personal ethics. Sometimes no matter how hard we try we are completely unable to behave as expected.
(How unsurprising it is that so many of us see norms around gender expression as consumerist cosplay scripts that serve the interests of some while demonising the experience of many. And that we cannot bear to work in organisations whose actions do not match their stated aims. Acceptance & defiance can be equally high cost, for us. Hallo #AutusticBurnout.)
An outsider perspective that requires us to identify, articulate & analyse dynamics that are to many folk invisible, can make us, of necessity, excellent social scientists. #ActuallyAutistic@actuallyautistic
@26pglt@actuallyautistic
Definitely. Such analysis is something many of us learnt early. It was about the only way that we could learn how to mask even vaguely well.
@Tim_McTuffty
You're very welcome 🌸
Glad you like it, I need some new ones soon to use for my toots. 😊
Fankoos 🫶🏻 I had a good night, just got woken by an ambulance in our street. But it was 18 minutes till the alarm, so not too bad. 😊 @actuallyautistic
So, it's cool enough that I finally have the urge to put on my zippered hooded sweatshirt again. Part of my #Neurodivergence involves being comfortable with fabric against my skin -- and not having that (and having to wear short sleeve shirts) has been unbearable. That means it's way too hot for me. #ActuallyAutistic#ND#SkinSensitivity
cc: @actuallyautistic
@DoomsdaysCW@actuallyautistic have to wear socks, but hate wearing shoes indoors. Very much dislike having bare legs unless it's very hot. Absolutely hate skirts and dresses, especially if I'm outside. I wear light, summery trousers all year. I'm okay with short sleeves but usually wear a cardi or shirt over a T.
@Aerliss@DoomsdaysCW@actuallyautistic I have a problem with parts of my skin – especially on the torso and arms - becoming hyper sensitive from the fabric, touching it. It is not uncommon at all for me to take off my shirt and bra and run around topless in the middle of the workday.
One of the many reasons that remote work is important ;)
For example, it was raining a lot today. I went for a walk in the forest under the rain. It was very peaceful with nearly nobody. You have small streams of water on the edge of the paths. With everything that the streams could carry, it went to small dams creating 'tiny lakes'.
What I like to do since I'm a kid is breaking the dams to see the water flowing, building some rudimental embankment to redirect the flow.
I was there in the forest walking. I stopped and broke some dams and built some embankments. I had a lot of fun and #autistic joy.
This is a good thing to remember to let go, do what we like and give us joy.
So, two winters ago I couldn't find what I did with my favorite red coat. I searched everywhere for it, and came up with nothing and was very sad that I had lost it.
For some odd reason, I decided to open the coat closet that's in the basement that we never use, it's just where old coats go to be forgotten... Guess where my coat has been for the past two years. In that closet that I totally forgot to look in.
@pathfinder@CynAq@actuallyautistic
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ah, there's a thing, those thoughts resided in my siblings rather than me, about me "being stuck," - meaning, Autistic - but the effect was no different, I was still stuck fighting them ❤️
@CynAq@actuallyautistic Totally agree. The advice I’ve found so far re my selective mute autistic child is to expose her to social interactions. But that will only be traumatic for her. Surely, even for a neuro typical child, if they are selective mute, it is for trauma related reasons, and simply pushing them out of their comfort zone is dangerous? A lot of neuro and mental health advice really sucks
#ActuallyAutistic folks in the UK - have you ever used a "guaranteed interview/assessment" scheme for a job application, and ended up getting the job?
I'm weighing up "don't disclose anything until you have a job because it might put them off even if they HAVE to give you an interview" with "do everything you can to get to the interview stage then hopefully you can really impress them".
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 237 , Friday 21/06/2024
Geoff was a good lad last night , the fact that he was medicated into oblivion might explain why 😆
Up at around 6am to find Friday was a glorious day !
Loads of sunshine today had the patio doors open right up to the moment when Mrs S. decided she was going to bed at 8pm (her usual time) & closed them. Seems my enjoyment of the sounds of nature and the lovely evening air are not a factor. 🙄🤦♂️
Finished the migration of MAJ1 to Beige.Party by shipping across the followers list , this all worked fine & there are just some pending follows outstanding.
I did a few little tasks today nothing too extravagant. Made best use of the bright sunshine by running the clothes washer thru a maintenance wash amongst other things.
Final Thoughts.
I would really like to go to the coast, but herself is too busy (reading) & Geoff would object at the moment, maybe later in the summer!
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
@Tim_McTuffty
🤗 Sounds like a decent day! I wish we had such lovely weather. We started with some sun but it quickly got very cloudy and in the afternoon and evening, there was some rains....
Yay for medicating Geoff into oblivion... I told you about cutting him off, but you didn't seem too happy about that.... You'd probably miss the sod 😂 Hihi.... (j/k).
Yay for the chores and Booh for Mrs S who just lives in her own world, as it seems...
Have a good night sweets 😘 sweet dreams and hopefully I can catch you again tomorrow! 🤗
@actuallyautistic#actuallyautistic Do any of y'all have EXTREME heat intolerance? It's like the older I get the more I can't put up with hot weather. I've always been very "hot-natured," prefer winter over summer, etc. but this year I think my intolerance has been the worst yet. Friends are telling me how it's peak summer weather (90 degrees is comfortable?!?) meanwhile I start sweating when it's 70+ degrees Fahrenheit outside. What gives?
@arisummerland@actuallyautistic Great news! My mom found a vent guard so I'm finally able to redirect all the cold air coming through my bedroom vent. I think all the cold air was being trapped under my bed, and that's why my room always felt stuffy, not because the vent was clogged. It's not even been 10 minutes and I already feel a substantial difference in the temperature.
Last night, I thought I was going to have two video chats with dating prospects. The chats did not happen, and I don't know why. It could be as simple as a miscommunication.
The anxiety, however, is real. I've been cast aside by so many people for dubious reasons that even when things are going well, I think they are going badly. :holdthepain:
Last night, I had a dream that I was at some sort of event. I was with a group of friends. There was a crowd, and we had to make our way through the crowd.
The group got ahead of me, and eventually lost me. There I was alone in the crowd, with no one wondering where I was.
I don't think it was a coincidence that I had that dream after my two video chats did not happen.
Over the past few months I have really been ruminating on what “masculinity” and “femininity” even are, and those terms are mostly defined by stereotypes. Like, I know I’m a woman but I’ve always felt like “just some guy.” I’ve never had dysphoria or anything, and I have a biblical understanding of sexuality, but cultural ideas about gender make no sense to me. All of this is so confusing. Any ideas?
I think it's one of those things where you don't really feel it unless things are going horribly wrong. Or like only darkness allows you to know what light is. Contrast gives definition.
Eg adopt a male persona in an online space. How does it feel being gendered he him for, say, a week? Good/bad/don't feel anything. Use a mood diary if you're alexithymic.
Recently, there's been more recognition that both cis and trans people experience diffences in "gender valence", that is, how strongly aware we are of a gender identity.
It's a spectrum from no gender valence (agender people) to strong gender valence, where the person knows without a doubt that they are a woman, a man, nonbinary, or whatever their gender identity is.
This spectrum is not corrolated to whether you're cis or trans.
A cis person might have a weak sense of gender identity, but be perfectly willing to accept the gender assigned to them at birth. Or they might be very sure of their gender identity.
The same is true for trans people. We might be unable to say what our gender identity is and just know what we're not. Or we might have a strong sense of what we are.
You get to decide what you are. You might change over time, you might always feel uncertain. No one else can tell you what you "really" are. Move towards what gives you joy.
@actuallyautistic#actuallyautistic Does anyone else find that their music taste is extremely unconventional? I can enjoy most types of music with others, but when I'm alone I listen to stuff that most people would never listen to. Like historical folk songs, military marches, courtly dance music, sea shanties, etc.
I enjoy other music too but I feel like the above categories are things I am "ashamed" to play around others. Idk if that makes sense lol.
@actuallyautistic#ActuallyAutistic any advice on how to tactfully tell co-workers who are excessively using Teams chat that you’re not interested in the chatter without coming across as “uncooperative", “rude", “not a team player" etc.
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 236 , Thursday 20/06/2024
Geoff was subdued with a new course of colchicine yesterday then pain killers to make sur eye behaved overnight.
Was up late last night moving MAJ1 to Beige.Party, so many folks have sound him in his new home & shared timelines with him again , very chuffed !
The CDP 🧚♀️ kept me company, for which I am grateful 😊
My foot is a lot better today, I’m still favouring it & elevating it but it is getting there!
Spent most of the day flolloping around the Fediverse (keen Hitch-hikers will argue that only live mattresses on Squornshellous Zeta can flollop but I would argue Squirrels can too!)
Had posh fish n chips for tea, smoked salmon & salad with chippy chips ! Yummy & mostly healthy .
Final Thoughts.
My brain is trying to second guess my moving MAJ1 , wondering if it was the right thing to do, wondering if it would change the experience of the Fediverse .
I stamped hard on these thoughts & looked at the positive side, that folk have reshared my MAJ1 timeline , that peeps are engaging & that I have a second account where I can wax lyrical. 😊
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖