Yeah Tom Scott did one of his linguistics videos about that, he had a word for it but some questions aren't really questions they're basically just rituals, though rephrased a different way makes them genuine questions, and when you have major dialects of the "same" language like British and American English, we use different ones. "Are you alright?" is basically a noise of greeting in Britain and an expression of genuine concern in America, while "How are you?" is the reverse.
Chinese version 你吃了吗 or variations on that, although it's not used so much anymore. Literally means "have you eaten", except it doesn't really require an answer. I imagine it came up in that video, but it's a good one.
Which is also probably why I give this answer. Because it irks me to some degree that we just throwaway important questions like another human’s well-being.
If someone responds without being tripped up, I sorta know they’re my kind of person.
I just realized that I contradicted myself. I said that I use this with folks I don’t like, and then that when I use it, if someone responds well, that I know they’re my kinda people.
I don’t exclusively use it with folks I don’t like! I also throw it out playfully. It’s validating when folks respond in-kind.
In the opposite direction, when I moved to England it took me a while to get used to compliment "inflation" over there.
For example when somebody's opinion on something is:
"interesting", it means it's shit
"ok", means it's bad or mediocre
"good" and "great", means it's average
"wonderful" and "amazing", means it's good
I once asked one of the natives how did they transmit the message that they trully believes something was a 10/10 and was explained that's done by going into details on how something is so great.
It really depends on the country and people's personality.
In my experience in Southern Europe people tend to love share stuff about themselves (and will easilly go into their life story) whilst in Northern Europe getting anything about them without having a long acquaintance with them is very hard if not impossible.
Apparently the Finnish are very averse to small talk (pretty much the opposite of Southern Europe).
Then there are also other variances - in Britain they'll tend to portray themselves as better than they really are feeling, in Portugal they'll tend to complain about life and things and in The Netherlands, if you do get them to open up, they'll be very matter of fact.
After language, it's maybe the hardest kind of thing to get used to when going to live in another country.
This isnt small talk, this is a survival mechanism to figure if the person will enact violence on you or not. Optimally you want the response to be empty words, grunting, or being told to fuck off.
I was referring to US culture. The most exposure to Deutsche culture is through part of my family culture and that ancestor left back when the HRE was still in living memory and not even old living memory.
One time I was in a really run-down thrift store looking for anything neat that stood out. A random guy asked how I was doing and y'know, I tried to be genuine enough, but in return he gave what is now one of my favorite replies:
"Too blessed t'be stressed!"
The delivery of it was like he actually meant it. Like he was just enjoying his day lookin' at stuff and nothing could bother him.
It's a good outlook, y'know... especially because at the time I was in a miserable job and often used the "Been better" and "I'm here." Responses because I just didn't have much else in me.
I love stories like this because it makes me reflect on random people I've seen who have stuck in my memory for years who probably never noticed me. Makes me wonder if anyone remembers me for something random like this
Also one of our best known sub-cultures is one in which the concept of health and safety are slurs when used outside of work. I should know I am a relatively cautious Redneck, that just means I actually keep the medkit nearby for if shit goes worng.
My high-school friend group adopted "it goes" from our French class ("Comment ça va?" "Ça va!", roughly meaning "How goes it?" "It goes!" being the common neutral greeting taught in French classes) and I slightly resent it being described negatively here.
Even better is, we casually drop the "Comment" and add the accent of a question instead, so it can go like : "Ça va?" "Ça va."
Note that in French we can make the meaning of it vary from roughly 'not great' to 'good' just by how enthusiastic we are. It's really only when we want to express radical emotions that we might stop using it.
(Although someone depressed might not want to express their distress and use it like the expressions in this meme..)
I find Germans have an easier time replying to things very frankly and without garnishment or humor. I can ask a German, "How are you?", and he may reply with "I'm fine" and it can be taken at face value.
Americans tend to be more, I don't know, conflict avoidant in their replies? There's more expectation of subtext, of irony, and it's not as typical to take "I'm fine" at face value.
"Can't complain" is another good one. It's often heard as, "I can't complain [because nobody would listen anyway]". Tone is important, as is environmental context. Blue collar workers at the site say this, yeah their day is going to shit. Your buddy says it over drinks, maybe he's having a neutral, normal time of life, or maybe his life is going to shit and he's giving the ironic answer to avoid diving into his real issues, while still communicating that things are not perfect.
Last week I was asked how my day was. It had been a perfectly normal, decent day, good time at work, beautiful weather, and my reply was "Life's a peach". I got back, "That bad, huh?" Yeah, the American habit of taking genuine expression and searching for a darkness under it can be tiring sometimes.
I often respond with: “Well, I’m still kicking and screaming.” I don’t know why. I think it got used a lot when I was growing up - someone getting dragged kicking and screaming.
Folks get tripped up by that.
For me, it means that despite the fight being hopeless, I’m still trying.
The traffic light simply would not turn green
So the people stopped to wait
As the traffic rolled and the wind blew cold
And the hour grew dark and late
Zoom-varoom, trucks, trailers,
Bikes and limousines,
Clatterin’ by — me oh my!
Won’t that light turn green?
But the days turned weeks, and the weeks turned months
And there on the corner they stood,
Twiddlin’ their thumbs till the changin’ comes
The way good people should.
And if you walk by that corner now,
You may think it’s rather strange
To see them there as they hopefully gaze
With the very same smile on their very same face
As they patiently stand in the very same place
And wait for the light to change.
"I'm doin." -I am not doing well and I don't want to talk about it. But I'm also too exhausted and shattered to keep lying about my mental state for the sake of social niceties, so I'm hoping my vague, neutral statement will either convey what I'm feeling, or you'll fill in the blank with whatever you want to hear. Just as long as you stop asking how I'm doing.
