ADHD

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littlewonder , in My girlfriend has ADHD and has is usually procrastinating studying (she has a big exam in a few months), is there anything I can do to help her with this without being prying?

Body double--sit nearby when she's trying to study and work on something similar.

Or, make it a game or competition.

cheese_greater , in My girlfriend has ADHD and has is usually procrastinating studying (she has a big exam in a few months), is there anything I can do to help her with this without being prying?

Its good to have a soundtrack or thing you listen to for study/project time.

I suggest her favorite video game ost (original soundtrack) or a single track on infinite repeat

No vocals

Alao helps to order food you can peck at to keep yourself quarantined to your war (study) room

Rhynoplaz ,

Funny you mention that. Today's work music is the World of Warcraft soundtrack. Last week it was Mega Man.

cheese_greater ,

So you already do this?

Rhynoplaz ,

I do, but I'm not OP.

In addition to video game music, I also like orchestral covers of Rock/Pop songs.

Atherel ,

From game music it's just a small step to chip tunes, there's a big overlap anyway. Chipzel, Big Giant Cirles etc

Rhynoplaz , (edited )

Not sure what chip tunes are, but I'm on my way to find out!

I now know what chip tunes are, and we are jammin' to it today! Thanks for the tip!

zero_spelled_with_an_ecks ,

If you really need to get pumped up/stressed out, add Quick Man beam noises to his level's song.

Rhynoplaz ,

That bwoooo still haunts my dreams!

Cheskaz ,

Game soundtracks were such a game changer for me; like this music that's literally written to be in the background?

cheese_greater ,

Right? 😬

Agent641 ,

Check out Aim To Head Official lol

Dr_Nik , in My girlfriend has ADHD and has is usually procrastinating studying (she has a big exam in a few months), is there anything I can do to help her with this without being prying?

Look up classic ADHD coping mechanisms. Others have mentioned some in this thread like studying with someone (body doubling) or enforcing a schedule. One big reason procrastination works is that the stress/adrenaline acts like a stimulant that is one of the normal medications for ADHD that helps you focus.

One other suggestion is to study when well rested (first or second thing in the morning). ADHD symptoms can be exacerbated by being tired.

SidewaysHighways ,

Wouldn't it be cool if we could somehow keep a moving target to initiate the "almost too late" panic that will finally cause some shit to get done.

Everything is always due in the morning or something

kate ,
@kate@lemmy.uhhoh.com avatar

deadline mode 😎

Dr_Nik ,

Yes, and honestly that's how I coped for a long time. It leads to stress and burnout and major crashing. Not a good long term solution.

SidewaysHighways ,

Yeah i was thinking about it a little after I commented, and came to the conclusion that it's no wonder I have anxiety and an ulcer and stuff! good times!

bobburger ,

Studying first thing it the morning is what works for me.

I get up early, study/work for a few hours, and then go about my day. If I do something else first any chance at studying evaporates (unless of course there's the looming deadline).

Plibbert , in My girlfriend has ADHD and has is usually procrastinating studying (she has a big exam in a few months), is there anything I can do to help her with this without being prying?

One option is trade offs. Tell her if she study's for an hour, you'll do something she likes. That sometimes works for me.

The other option is to just be as gentle as possible, bring it up in a joke(risky). If she's just trying to get motivated, tell her about all the cool things she'll be able to do or become once she finishes classes, while telling her to study.

All this being said if she is just content with getting a C or B in the class and is confident in her current knowledge to get that, then maybe just let it be.

Servais OP ,
@Servais@dormi.zone avatar

Thank you!

Noodle07 , in My girlfriend has ADHD and has is usually procrastinating studying (she has a big exam in a few months), is there anything I can do to help her with this without being prying?

In hindsight what helped me back in school was having someone to study with, maybe that could work for you?

Servais OP ,
@Servais@dormi.zone avatar

Thank you!

jol ,

Yes, body doubling works for a lot of people.

Nemo ,

I was going to say the same thing. Doing it with her, and at the same time every day (or every other day) would be the most helpful if she's like me. Even better is getting her to join a study group with others taking the same exam; it's a lot easier to do things for others who depend on me than for myself alone.

Noodle07 ,

Exactly!

not_that_guy05 , in My girlfriend has ADHD and has is usually procrastinating studying (she has a big exam in a few months), is there anything I can do to help her with this without being prying?

Nothing really. I struggle with the same thing in school and college. I would wait until the last day everyday and rush to do my essays or study. Once I got my meds I have drop that habit of mine but it's still there. So much less stress knowing that something needs to be finish but my mind pushing it back.

Servais OP ,
@Servais@dormi.zone avatar

Thank you!

rottingleaf , in is ADHD harder to manage with time?

I felt that being like 15 years old, then got excited over one girl (that worked as a temporary solution), then she ditched me, so I have a good fat trauma to return to if bored.

jaybone , in Having to go to a meeting really messes with your flow for the whole day, doesn't it?

For software engineers, problem is management thought you could just hire a ton of people to solve the problem. Then the people who could actually solve the problem are stuck in meetings all day explaining it to people who can’t even understand the problem you keep explaining to them. Fun times.

Senshi ,

The people that don't understand the problem usually are management, and I have to spend an exhausting time each day explaining to them why the problem exists and why it takes so long to fix it. I once was honestly telling them their meetings were a big part of the delays. Which then obviously led to more meetings on "how we can better communicate so we can have less meetings and more productive time". I wish I was joking.

Surreal ,

The problem with communication we have is the people who received the information are too dumb to understand said information

Aceticon ,

The good old Mythical Man Hour.

(In simple terms, as the number of people increases, the communications overheads also increase, generally faster, so if you have more people a greater proportion of time is wasted, hence work done doesn't increase proportionally to the number of people. Or if you just want to inform management that more people won't simply mean the work gets done much faster just give the example of "If takes 9 months for a woman to make a child, it doesn't mean you can get 9 women and make a child in one month")

Semi_Hemi_Demigod ,
@Semi_Hemi_Demigod@lemmy.world avatar

Or if you just want to inform management that more people won’t simply mean the work gets done much faster just give the example of “If takes 9 months for a woman to make a child, it doesn’t mean you can get 9 women and make a child in one month”

Management: "I don't have time for theoretical discussions. Marketing says this releases in two weeks and you better get it done. Do you need more resources?"

Aceticon ,

"It can't be done in this time frame."

"Should've come and asked the experts how long would it take before accepting marketing's estimates"

"So either find us more time or chose what we're going to drop for the release"

And yeah, I've used this.
(Then again, I'm pretty senior and seen and done a lot)

gamermanh ,
@gamermanh@lemmy.dbzer0.com avatar

Diminishing Returns is the concept on a broader scale here

Ie: the more you add the less you get from adding, to the point of it becoming a complete negative

LazaroFilm , in Having to go to a meeting really messes with your flow for the whole day, doesn't it?
@LazaroFilm@lemmy.world avatar

As someone with ADHD zero work gets done until the meeting. It’s just waiting and stressing about missing the time.

OriginalUsername7 ,

Either;

A. You don’t take on any new tasks before the meeting. You’re already too distracted by the meeting to start anything new. So now you’re sitting there killing time for an hour until the meeting starts. You were doodling in a notepad, missed the start of the meeting, and joined 5 minutes late.

B. You were working on something and didn’t realise it was meeting time. Someone messages you 5 minutes after the meeting started, reminding you to join. You’ve completely forgotten what the meeting is about and it takes you a further 5 minutes to get your bearings.

blazeknave ,

You made me realize the office provided cues and support. If others were collecting their desk, even if for another meeting, it was clear we were 5 to 10 from the half hour. Also, you grabbed your friends on the way. You hustled earlier to get a good seat. You planned breaks, walks, etc to time around you getting back at a certain time. Comparatively, WFH is an unstructured ADHD hell sometimes.

hex ,

My meetings don't even last 5 mins. I have an alarm 5 minutes before the meeting so I can't forget about it. If I miss it, someone messages me 30 seconds in. Then at 10:05 we all start working.

RememberTheApollo_ ,

The time after the meeting is spent not wanting to engage in tasks you can’t accomplish before end of day, and watching the clock knowing the meeting screwed up the day.

Zink ,

Yeah my first thought was that this looks like an extremely optimistic take drawn by somebody without the issue.

Even having plans AFTER work can mess things up.

bigredgiraffe , in Having to go to a meeting really messes with your flow for the whole day, doesn't it?

This is great, also if you haven’t read it, you should read Makers Schedule, Managers Schedule by Paul Graham, it really helped me describe this concept to all of the managers I have had hah.

Godnroc ,

Well, damn, I've never seen that put so clearly before. I literally have been trying to schedule myself like a manager using half-day increments like a maker.

bigredgiraffe ,

Right? It minorities blew my mind when I read it the first time and keeping that in mind has made my life so much easier overall, and definitely made it easier to describe to managers over the years.

Sanguine , in Having to go to a meeting really messes with your flow for the whole day, doesn't it?

I have found that if the meeting is actually quick (sub 20 minutes) rebounding is not as difficult. When the "quick meeting" turns into a check in + "do we have time to talk about..." + any other number of meandering paths a meeting can travel down, I'll have a hard time getting back into task mode.

Something that helps me is to take a walk right after those meetings. Helps me reset when I get back to my desk.

altec ,

I've found medication helps the most lol

Sanguine ,

Yeah sure, medication can help!

thebardingreen ,
@thebardingreen@lemmy.starlightkel.xyz avatar

I've had had to stop medication due to high blood pressure.

Yippeeeeeeee!

Sanguine ,

I mean, can't you just take HBP meds?

corsicanguppy ,

Every medication has conflicts and side effects, ranging from vitamin absorption changes to actual risk of death depending on your situation. Adding another medication adds to the complications, in a 1+1=3 kind of way.

The more you keep going, the more you're taking on. Soon it becomes a "do I like living or do I want to kill my liver for X benefit" choice. "Brain-zap effects or suicidal thoughts?" (Or, with effexor, both!)

So tread carefully.

Sanguine ,

Yes medications have potential side effects, but HBP meds have been around for decades, are well studied and shown to be preferable versus the known outcomes of untreated hypertension.

Hypertension will fuck you up way more than taking an additional medication will. On the topic od the liver, It actually causes new blood vessels to be made to circumvent the liver which leads to more waste in bloodstream not being filtered out.

sukhmel ,

more waste in bloodstream not being filtered out

But that also doesn't sound like a good thing

Sanguine ,

Oh yeah sorry, was not trying to present the process as positive..blood should not be circumventing the liver.

AeonFelis ,

Some drugs help, but only if you can get the person organizing the meeting to take them.

intensely_human ,

Here comes the juice!

intensely_human ,

This is why you make your own work better, improve the team’s work, and position yourself as a candidate for team lead by insisting that meeting timeboxes are enforced.

Even if it breaks productivity by cutting things off the first few times, it will train everyone to get to the point, which will make everything better after the first few breakages.

maniii , in Having to go to a meeting really messes with your flow for the whole day, doesn't it?

Some meetings are for:

  • Project Planning

  • Roadmaps

  • Brainstorming

  • Project-Milestone-Task breakdowns

  • Issue-Triage work

  • Budgetary allocations

  • Priority item tracking

There are many many important meetings to have and to get done. The worst meeting you can have is a status-update call where you mark off items on a checklist. This can be done by automation and status-tracker boards.

corsicanguppy ,

Huh. In theory, at least. In IT I've really only seen the status/blamestorm sessions. If I suggest that meetings aren't a good use of time, it's from that bias.

intensely_human ,

No the worst meeting is when the entire team — CEO, CTO, sales, engineering — spend all of Friday (every Friday) divvying up the tabs in a big excel spreadsheet, going and re-going through workflow checklists.

I knew they had no automated tests when I joined. I was promised, when I joined, that I’d be allowed to spend at least 25% of my time building an automated test suite for our app.

But we never had time to allow me to do that. So instead of spending 25% of my time developing an automated suite, which would steadily reduce the following until it was zero, we spent 20% of the entire company’s time doing human rspec tests.

One time the CTO asked me “Why wasn’t this caught in testing?” and I said “Because we don’t do any testing”

jsqribe ,

Damn sounds too familiar 👀

intensely_human ,

Also, I agreed to only take 2/3 of my salary until a funding round came in. The promise was as soon as that hit, I’d go to 100% of our agreed salary.

Funding was eventually secured (thanks in no small part to me) and they tried to say “we’ll see” on the salary increase, so I just quit.

MystikIncarnate , in Having to go to a meeting really messes with your flow for the whole day, doesn't it?

This is why I can't work in an office. The last one I worked in, people kept waking up to chat "for a sec", when it took at least 10 minutes regardless of the inquiry.

Just as I'm starting to get myself back into my workflow.... "Hey, you got a sec?"

Sure, looks like I'm not going to get anything fucking done today, so why the fuck not. The only people I'm disappointing is the employer. I can have a chat. It's fine. Not like this will negatively affect my ongoing employment.

Cryophilia ,

The shitty part to those workplaces is that chitchat often helps your employment more than actually doing work. Likeable people get promoted, effective workers stay where they're at.

That's a terrible workplace culture, but it's fairly common.

MystikIncarnate ,

I will say that the support I got from co-workers when I was no longer working there. I got a number of messages about how disappointed they were about losing me from the team, etc.

None of that helped me find new employment, nor did it help me move up while I was there, but I was well liked.

Unicode13051 , in Having to go to a meeting really messes with your flow for the whole day, doesn't it?
@Unicode13051@lemmyf.uk avatar

Yeah, I have to wrap up what I'm working on so that I can be available for the "quick meeting" which usually means I'm doing nothing for 15-20 minutes as I can't get started on anything else. If I'm caught not doing well, I get in trouble for the productivity, so I have to pretend.

When the 5-10 minute meeting runs closer to 45, I'm out an hour I could have been working.

Not the end of the world, but when we have these at least once, if not twice a day...

AlpacaChariot ,

Two meetings a day sounds like luxury to me! I don't have ADHD but meetings still absolutely kill my productivity. The switching penalty for technical tasks is much higher than non-technical people realise.

Milk_Sheikh , in Having to go to a meeting really messes with your flow for the whole day, doesn't it?

Meetings are rarely productive for anyone, neurotypical or not, once it gets bigger than like five people and/or hierarchy enters the room imo. Then it morphs into politics and showmanship.

Best meeting I’ve ever had was with two engineers. We were all on time, had prepared well, and lasted seven minutes because there were zero pleasantries, got right into breaking down the subject, and the answer was frank and forthright.

Sales team? Forget about keeping to schedule

Cryophilia ,

I have about 3 meetings a week because I keep only the productive ones. I refuse to attend bullshit meetings.

My graph would look like the first one except after the meeting there's a huge burst of activity because now everyone is more informed about what needs to be done and how to do it.

To be fair, my work has a culture of ridigly policing meetings to keep them on topic, no chitchat, no rambling, anyone who starts that tends to get called out immediately.

Milk_Sheikh ,

I had a former workplace like that, it was beautiful 🥹

We had a hot seat meeting where each department representative wasn’t even in the room until their individual staggered start time kicked in. One out, one in, cycling through each department until the meeting was over. They get to go back to their work and not be ‘meat’ in the room for fifteen minutes or more, we got focused reports from each as they filed in and out.

Sometimes I miss working for Germans, but “alles in Ordnung” cuts both ways - good luck breaking through the bureaucracy reporting chain and getting quick results

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