Of course. Apart from all the many things you can say about the creativity and fun of 'the' ADHD brain, the absent-minded professor is a lesser known ADHD archetype. That kind of single-minded focus might not always be healthy for the individual but, for pushing back the frontiers of knowledge, it does come in handy.
I can't forage for missing sunglasses that are right in front of my stupid fucking face. My dumbass would be bringing back half a handful of poison berries like "This is all I could find and I have no memory of picking them but they probably didn't come from the poison bush I guess."
I have similar opinions about the "iT's nOt a diSoRdEr iTs mOdErN sOciEtY" thing that's going around lately. Even if we lived in a utopia, I'd still be expected to listen when others speak, cook without burning myself or the food, speak without repeating myself, speak in a way that makes sense to others, keep appointments, read and comprehend instructions, transport myself from place to place without injury or forgetting necessary items....
I have found the best way to cope is to surround yourself with people that understand and help you out when you fall short. Easier said than done for sure and it hasn’t always been that way for me but at this point I have a bunch of ADHD friends so they all get it, and my wife saves me usually, she is the best at that hah. Other than that I have been just leaning into it lately, for example find a job that has a lot of tasks that work well with your brain, choose wisely.
I also treat my attention as a privilege that I can give people and not something someone can demand. I don’t phrase it that way to be egotistical, it’s just that my attention and focus is fleeting sometimes as it is so I need to defend it in that way to have any at all. This is also harder said than done but it’s also not too difficult, most people are understanding when you say “can I get back to you in 30 min when I’m done with I am doing” or “let’s put time on the calendar to work on that tomorrow” it turns out.
Along this same line I also treat notifications everywhere as an opt-in activity, everything gets denied and I only let the most important ones through focus modes (I have an iPhone) that I actually need to receive and this includes all phone calls on all mediums. The only people that get let through focus modes are those that understand the gravity of interruptions on my brain (well and my parents because they are great hah).
Well that was longer than I thought it would be but the short version is that you have to try to construct a situation for yourself that works with your brain and not against it, and it’s a long journey but you have to keep iterating on it like you have been.
I mean I survive, but besides the basics of taking care of my body, taking ADHD meds, going to therapy and doing yoga, there is nothing that truly helps me cope with the everyday quality of life disaster that is ADHD. I just survive it.
If we lived in an easier time I might say I had found things that help me cope and live a higher quality of life, but we live in a time where life is very hard and I have to think of coping mechanisms as more like little rituals I do to try to bring myself up than meaningful answers to the actual challenges I face and fail to meet everyday otherwise the incongruity of scale between the two drives me into complete despair or anger.
I think it's that neuro-diverse people tend to gravitate towards each other, so this is probably survivor's bias. I definitely find that other people with ADHD are able to grab and hold my attention better than neuro-typical people and also they're more understanding and forgiving when I'm flaky, or too hyperactive, or whatever.
In philosophy there's a term "second order desire" which is "wanting to want" something. So, when you want ice cream it's a first order desire, you just want it. But when you want to eat healthily, it's often a desire for wellbeing, long-term goals, etc. Not a sudden urge for carrots.
The challenge for adhd is that second order desires aren't that motivating. When I'm in a sporadic fitness phase (seems to hit for a few weeks every few years) then I really want to exercise (first order desire). I'd rather do exercise than play on my phone or watch TV. But the rest of the time I want to want to do exercise (to be fit) and if I had a magic wand or a pill I could take I'd prefer that to the exercise, because it's not something I genuinely want for itself. But going for a walk somewhere beautiful, or going dancing with friends, are things I genuinely want to do, so are easy to achieve. And they have a byproduct of being some physical exercise.
A more subtle one. Get a bunch of bag clips (I used IKEA ones) then write the name of all the things you keep in the freezer (peas, sweetcorn, chips etc). You want 2 of each. Attach 1 to each bag in the freezer, open or closed. You also want a piece of string attached somewhere. When a bag is empty, put its clip on the string. Congratulations, you now have a shopping list. Once you restock, just attach the clips to the appropriate bags, before putting them away.
At least for my household, this seems to flow well. There are no hard steps, and an obvious flow to it. Unfortunately, I've yet to figure out how to extend it to canned food, but it works for any bagged foods (pasta etc)
Uh... No. This suggests that NTs act like drones, without any thought. Like they're sitting on the sofa, then they just get up, wander to the bathroom, brush their teeth, then get into bed and think "wow how did I get here hahaha what a habit, eh?"
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