You can use Stash Tab extension and move the shame to a place you don't see near your face constnatly while ignoring it lol. And because it saves as different tabs (under date and time, although you might be able to edit the title name), it becomes a bit less overwhelming to come back to.
Sometimes I need a break just turning on the computer. Or putting dishes in the dishwasher. Or moving the laundry from the drier to the bed.
I'm a lot "better" at doing tasks than most people that I know with unmedicated adhd, but some days are just... nope, I showered and brushed my teeth so imma spend the rest of the day doing whatever random thing captures my attention for more than 5 minutes
Usually need a few days like that in a week. I just let my brain off it's leash until the anxiety and guilt kicks in and then I get everything done is a fury
I put off a boring task at work for weeks in favor of a more interesting work project. I kept telling myself over and over that I should switch over and start the other project before it gets late. But every time I tried, I just couldn't work on it. I literally couldn't. It was so difficult I was almost falling asleep just staring at the code. I'd switch back.
I finally finished it today. The day before it was due. Came in this morning, brain kicked into overdrive and I just finished it all. I don't remember eating lunch. What should have been done in two weeks, was done in a little over two days. Why do I do this myself. I can't help it.
I think that lil' kick some of us get is what divides people with adhd into the successful and unsucessful groups. Both suck, both are not our faults, but I'm glad to be able to eventually get stuff done even if it feels like I'm shortening my lifespan
I have a close friend who has inattentive adhd and he has a baaaaad time at life. He "lets" all the deadlines fly by and falls into depressions because of it. Got kicked out of school, ended up homeless for a while, finally recovered but then couldn't deal with credit cards, managed to get on his feet again and find a woman who supported him, but then she dumped him because he forgot to get her from the hospital. He's finally kind of ok, has a job and lives with his mom (at 40). I keep trying to get him to get back on meds but he says he can't afford the visit. He can't get through the paperwork for disability, either. He isn't stupid, we have great in-depth conversations and he's witty af. He just really... can't
I mention all that to illustrate what I mean by successful vs unsucessful. I've asked him if he gets the: ShitIHaveToDoThisAllRightNow! kick and he doesn't. Task pressure just paralyzes him
I see it as my sacred duty as a peasant to undermine the profit of my workplace wherever safely possible.
When the class war is long lost and one is living under class occupation, guerilla tactics become the only option.
We didn't set these hostile terms, American employers chose to treat their workforces as disposable liabilities rather than valued partners who all stand to prosper (as many once did prior to the Jack Welch/Reaganomics cultural grift), but we can sure as hell game and undermine them.
The thing is have many of those symptoms for years. Got tested, wasn't diagnosed because the evidence in my childhood is missing, even though I'm way over the "threshold" to be diagnosed as an adult.
Welp, don't have the energy to get a tested a second time at a different facility because they took 3 months to answer, require a reasoning from my doc and the wait list is 18 months. Meh.
Edit: Please ignore the missing words. I wrote this shortly after a nap.
Except I did get a private diag after the public system one was a bust, but can’t find or never received the paperwork to give to my doctor (psychologists can’t prescribe here) and could never get through to that psych again, through email OR phone, and then gave up when the waitlist for another better public consult is 2+ years.
I cut out having friendships and most hobbies and am now technically functional and only slightly miserable, so that’s a plus.
I asked my parents to get me evaluated as a kid and my mom said it wasn't real. At 32, I got evaluated and was diagnosed. Told my dad today and he's like "no shit? You got it from me" Well thanks for sticking up for me as a kid, dad lol
and like even if it is just headache.. HEADACHES SUCK! we need to normalize actually taking a break when you have pain, ignoring it because it's "no big deal" is so fucking toxic
Exactly. Like I have to ignore a lot of pain constantly, but that's cause I live with chronic pain 24/7/365. So if I want to do anything with my life I have to deal with it when it's manageable. But when it passes my threshold I am out. Done, I need to rest, take a break, meds, nap, etc. And then I get shamed by people "for not being able to handle a little pain", even though I'm in more pain every day than many people have ever been in.
I strongly believe that a friend of mine has undiagnosed ADHD. The degree to which everyone around him keeps saying, “he’s not atypical, he just to stop being a fuck up and commit to something” is frustrating. My man needs treatment, not tough love.
Man, I feel that. Something that I've been thinking about for a while now is how disabled people (whether it's a condition that affects their brain, or body, or both) end up sort of "stress-testing" society.
In this case, your comment makes me sad because I've seen similar instances to what you describe, but also, I am reminded of countless more people who seem unlikely to have ADHD, but also don't do well with tough love. The harmful impact of tough love is more pronounced in people with ADHD though, and that's what I mean about "stress-testing".
This opinion is also heavily informed by the fact that I'm also autistic and diagnosed in my teens. I spent too many years trying to fit myself in a box that would never fit me, and I see so many people who *technically" fit in the box, but seem profoundly uncomfortable. From this angle, autism feels like my ticket to liberation because I think if I could fit inside the box (of societal expectations etc.), then I'd have accepted making myself uncomfortable in a model that wasn't built for my wellbeing.
it's the old adage that designing for disability benefits everyone, and good lord it just never stops being true.
like, no one functions perfectly at all times, EVERYONE has points in their life where they just can't perform to expected standard and if things are built with disabilities in mind then they can simply make use of that when needed.
Sure you might have two functional legs right now, but who knows when you'll lose one or both? and at some point you'll become old and gangly and the idea of walking 3 stories with groceries will make you weep. So maybe let's design things with disability in mind so it's simply never a thing anyone has to worry about.
"he's a smart kid, he just needs to apply himself" and "but you know what to do here, I've seen you do it so why are you having problems with it now?"
Both are things I've heard constantly through my life. Made me feel horrible about myself every single time because I didn't understand why at the time either.
Most of my teachers just assumed I was pissing about behind their backs and would ask me "you must know why you haven't been able to complete the work/homework/task" even if I had been listening and really trying.
Took the whole of primary school and the first year of secondary school before I actually got a teacher who understood and helped me to actually get somewhere.
Still not officially diagnosed just because of how shockingly bad adult ADHD diagnosis is in the UK and not being able to go private but most all the techniques I've used have worked and I think almost any GP that would look at me would probably agree.
Just to say, anyone who might be reading this and can imagine themselves saying/have said these in the past, please don't. You have no idea how unhelpful/damaging talking like this can actually be to someone who really needs the extra support.
"You're just using it as an excuse" is now a red flag for me that I'm talking to a garbage person and saves a lot of emotional energy kicking them out of your life.
My response is even harsher, I go with lead has a 60% chance of causing adhd and lead was banned from being put in cars at the gas station in 1996. Then watch as most people my age realize they may have been exposed. The rest of the 40% chance is autism and more severely cerebellar hypodysplasia.
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