Is it ok that I’m really grumpy today about not being accepted as I am?
I mean, I went to a uni event where there were loads of surplus support staff who are meant to be trained to help people there, identify sunflower lanyards etc. I wore my sunflower lanyard which even has pins stating I have an invisible disability, am neurodivergent and a spoonie…
But still it felt like battling uphill to get help and understanding when I needed it.
Why is it so goddamned hard?!
I am so tired of trying to fit in, but now already tired of feeling like a purple sheep (not even a well-known “black” sheep type, but some other obscure variant that no one understands).
I’m so tired of being alone in this with no one to go through it with.
I’m venting.
I know the Actually Autistic community get this and you’re out there.
I just feel very isolated from the right type of people I need to be around sometimes.
Hoping this is a phase. Hoping it’s just a mix of “oh shit my degree is almost done” and final coursework & exam stresses… and knowing my younger student peer friends couldn’t give a shit that they probably won’t see me ever again and just broke their word about meeting up in April. They will all move away and forget me, I already know that because I already tried uni several times before and experienced it every time. Just so tired of being alone and forgotten.
All these broken promises about caring. It’s hard to take it all on board sometimes.
