A week ago, I've got my official Autism/ADHD/AuDHD diagnosis. during this week, I've been thinking of one of my problems that has the biggest impact on my wellbeing: hobbies.
For this example I will focus on my hobby of computer gaming, but it happens with pretty much anything. My brain works the following way: I see a new game which I immediately want to try out. I buy that game, play it, have lots of fun with it, but after about 10-20 in-game hours, I lose interest. I happen to watch gamers on YouTube or Twitch, so my brain sees the next game it wants to try. I buy it, 10-20 hours later its uninteresting. This behaviour of seeing new shiny games continues to happen, but heres the actual problem: I've now accumulated several hundreds of games, with a few dozen favorites.
My brain now wants to play a particular game I already own and then starts an internal discussion, why it wants to play that game, and not another one. My ADHD argues, that it would take many hours to continue that game and I would not have enough time to play other exciting games (no matter if I already own them or not). But my Autism wants to fully focus on that game and also on any other game I find exciting. This internal fight causes a lot of stress and I pretty much just burn-out by not playing any games, but just debating which one I should play.
Like I've said, this affects any other hobby as well. So it's not just the internal debate on what game to play, but also what to do besides gaming. I see new interesting stuff: I want to try it out. And when I want to try it out, it's always "all-or-nothing" for me. I want to fully engulf myself in that new hobbie and try out every aspect of it. But the sheer thought of going through it and not having time for other exciting stuff burns be out and there are weeks where I end up not doing any hobby. And when I do that, I get depressed because I didn't spend time with my hobbies.
I'm not sure what I'm asking here. This feels like a really big problem to just take some advise and find a solution. After all, I've had this for the past 10+ years. But after my diagnose it feels like the first time in my life that I have an explanation for this behaviour. My current strategy is finding out which type of games I really enjoy and then just have one or two games per genre that I can play when I have an itch for the genre. But hey, guess what my brain does instead: it starts an argument about why I want to play this genre and not that genre.
@vger@actuallyautistic@actuallyadhd I do this with books. And if I let myself do this then I don’t read any books, I just read the internet. Not the same lol
@vger@actuallyautistic@actuallyadhd Just adding another voice to say yep, also AuDHD and I get this too. For a few years now I’ve tried to stop the cycle by refusing to invest more in a particular hobby. It feels like I’m in a deadlock with a hobby, though. But for whatever reason, I just can’t get myself to do the hobby with the items I currently have. I never reached 10-20 hours like you described, I might manage 1 hour each time at best.
What has helped me is understanding that ADHD brains can be much more interest driven. I.e. how interesting and relevant is this hobby right NOW? Rather than being driven by longer-term or broader perspective goals.
I’ve been hacking this as part of my degree studies and didn’t realise:
I had low motivation for daily university work, would lose interest in assessments once they were mostly done and I had figured out the core parts… But I kept myself going by tapping into a major interest that drove me forward. For me, it’s knowing this was my LAST attempt at a degree, having waited almost 2 decades for it, and I imagined life after another failed attempt - knowing it was within my grasp, not due to external, uncontrollable factors - and I couldn’t see myself living with that reality. Also, I decided to study for this degree because it aligns with who I am, and all my major life values - I’ve done a lot of work on this. I know what my life is like without a degree, and I wanted to open new doors to create a MUCH better life for myself. So this ‘focus hacking’ was a combination of SIGNIFICANT, personal “carrots and sticks”, pulling and pushing me forward. And it has had to be a regular practice - like every week or so. It created ‘eustress’ (healthy stress) but could occasionally tip over into distress (unhealthy levels of stress).
Have no idea if you’d be able to figure out your own way of ‘focus hacking’ for your hobbies. I’m clearly not finding a way to apply it to my own hobby 🤣 But I’m hoping to figure something out eventually. E.g. Maybe it needs to be driven by an immediate purpose that might create enough eustress to pressure me into doing the hobby NOW.
Boy, do I identify with this? My life is a sequence of interests or hobbies. But only things I think I will be good at. Like photography: Within a few months I had two SLR bodies four lenses and pretty much everything else. A year later it was all in a cupboard gathering dust. My well-being suffered when I took an interest in something, like American football. I spent hours every day compiling statistics to pore over. I wish I had an answer for you/us.
@DziadekMick Yeah, I tended to buy board games, play them once or twice, then sell them again, and after a few months buy a new copy because I wanted to play again. Like I've said, it's mostly always all-or-nothing for me. Fortunately I've mostly gotten rid of that buy-sell-buy loop, mostly because I don't have that much money to spend on hobbies.
Methinks you're not autistic enough! 😏 It's a common refrain of mine that I've been unable to settle on and maintain a lifelong perseveration that would lead to me becoming a specialized "expert" in that thing and possibly realize some career success because of it. Instead I'm relegated to being a jack of all trades... which would have been great if I'd been born two or three centuries ago....
"Most often the messenger we seek is within ourselves, and our saviors a mere reflection of what we have always known to be true. Do not abandon your heart my friend, and it will serve you well."
SearingTruth
@webhat@VulcanTourist@vger@actuallyautistic@actuallyadhd
I think you would appreciate Buckminster Fuller’s writing on Comprehensive Anticipatory Design Science…something we need more than ever…
And also appreciate the book The Glass Bead Game by Hermann Hesse.
I know that feeling. And the decision proces. And the ensuing deadlock.
There are some fancy words for that: "analysis paralysis", "decision fatigue"
Aside from the common topic of "mentally generating a decision tree" as if it was a complex task and not "fun".
I know this more from hobbies that requires more preparation: Yes, I could do electronics stuff, but for that I have to get it all out, maybe I have to make a plan first because something might be missing, maybe I should draw a diagram first...
I think part of it are the "upfront costs" in terms of making a decision and "following through" on that decision.
You first have to spend energy before you can reap the dopamine rewards.
My lukewarm suggestions:
Medication can help to lower those obstacles (it does at least for me).
Otherwise, I sometimes use "pure will" to work through these initial hurdles.
Or I throw a die.
@wakame Oh, I also have some kind of "preparation fatigue". I enjoy compex video and board games. In case of video games, they require learning lots of mechanics. And if I haven't played a game for a while, it will take me some time to get the grasp again. My board games also, who would have guessed, are also preferrably complex. So there comes a setup time of up to 60 minutes.
I'm not at the point of debating whether medication would help me or not, since I don't have experience with that, yet. But I do plan to get counselling on that matter.
Apparently, non-ADHD people already get a dopamine rush when thinking about doing something that releases dopamine.
(Which feels a bit like cheating, TBH)
So setting that game up is already being rewarded, since they can anticipate getting dopamine from it later.
Medication simply blocks absorption of dopamine a bit or triggers a bit of release, essentially smoothening the bumps and potholes in the road.
1 - sometimes intense hobby focus/cycling is for me a coping mechanism in a stressful life, & it gets better if i make meaningful changes to reduce stress in my life (going to therapy, exiting a horrible relationship, etc)
2 - i can't afford new things anymore 😂 this solved a lot of the cycling
3 - i rotate my hobbies/games and don't repeat any two days in a row. this evens out the addictive dopamine spikes
@dyani I also think that this is some stress mechanism. The experience is more intense when I have many stressors in life (like just now).
I currently try to come up with a way to just "accept" the situation. I just need enough energy to force myself through that thought-loop and do just any hobby. Once I started, it mostly just works and I can focus on it.
I also put a "no-new-stuff" policy upon myself. But like I said, I already have so many games, so that doesn't really help 😅 @actuallyautistic@actuallyadhd
@dyani@vger@actuallyautistic@actuallyadhd I’m going to try the rotation thing. I have a painting that’s about 30% finished and if I leave them too long the little paints dry out (they’re paint by numbers and once the little pots are open they may not last long.)