We got free lunches at work: on the weekend, they send the menu, people choose between three options for each of two meals for each workday, and the food is delivered every day fresh from a restaurant nearby(not a fancy one, typical “homemade” food). If you need, they provide options for vegans or food restricting diets.
I am the only person in the office not doing that. I cannot explain to my coworkers why.
No, I don’t think the food is bad. No, I am not dieting, I am not looking for ‘something healthy’, I am not counting calories.
I am eating at work my fruit and yogurt every day, not being restricted to the time when their food arrives, and I am happy.
I can’t explain to them that I can’t carry such a commitment as decide on a weekend what to eat each day, and have to follow that. What if I don’t feel like that food? What if it’s not what I pictured in my head when ordering? What if I am not hungry? What if I get hungry earlier? And I just can’t do a full meal in the middle of a day and work after that. The meal should be at home, with some rest after it, or in the restaurant, with a good walk before and after, and good conversation during it. And I don’t want to eat a salad if it wasn’t done this very second right here because of frivolous microbiology thoughts. And anyway I prefer to cook myself, when I know perfectly well what it is, how it is done, and I balance the tastes and flavors to my own liking(I like to go to gourmet places somewhere, but it’s not an everyday experience, I doubt I’d be able to eat out every day anyway)
So, I’ve been asked again and again why wouldn’t I order something for myself, and every time I have to say ‘no, thanks’ and can’t tell why.
Sounds like a typical "but hey, it's free, it's a great way to share something" etc.
So "of course" you are the "weird one" for not participating in this thing. And acting different than the others is a typical warning sign for allistic people that something "is wrong".
After all, if you don't eat the same food/the same way as the others, what is next? You stabbing them in the back?
Btw: I very likely also wouldn't order there, simply because I have my samefoods. Which I can properly digest most of the time, which I am not allergic to, which don't result in a lot of pain.
@cordova5029@actuallyautistic@olena I can't tell you how often my work does "pizza parties" for people not giving a shit that many have allergies. This week they did "icecream socials and I bet they had no dairy free options. I should have gone to check though. lol
At a former job they ordered always from the same caterer (in events with external guests).
Thankfully, the caterer always produced the same 14-ish items, so I knew what I could eat.
Same reason why I am very thankful for the existence of McDonalds: Not because the food is so great, but because I can be reasonably sure that I can buy 2-3 items I can eat almost everywhere.
@sapphireangel@cordova5029@actuallyautistic didn’t hear about intuitive eating before. If it’s eating what feels right and when it feels right - it’s how I mostly tend to eat
@olena@cordova5029@actuallyautistic Yes. It is about listening to your body and eating what it tells you. It takes time for some to understand their body signals, but for me it's easy. I know when I need salty foods. I know when I don't etc.
My office has frequent "social bonding lunches" with free food, music and games. I never attend. "Oh but it's fun!" Not for me it isn't. It's noisy, crowded with limited food options.
I never eat in the canteen either, I always eat alone at my desk.
I don't go to team after work drinks and never attend Christmas parties.
@DoctorDisco@actuallyautistic I also eat at my desk, so for me it’s more comfortable to just have my daily food as a series of snacks I chomp on while doing my job. Like, sliced apples, a bowl of cherries, some grapes, a pound of apricots - depends on a season - and I just pick them while writing something, and eat my yogurt or quark or cuajada while reading another document.
I tried to go to all the parties at first, tried hard to be a part of the team, to not be viewed as snobbish, masking all the way and doing it way too hard up to my husband making scenes when I come home too late - but anyway I didn’t enjoy those and was questioning myself what tf am I doing there, and somehow me being there didn’t make me less of an outcast (maybe because I don’t do alcohol), rather the opposite. So now I usually politely decline all the invites, except of the obligatory ones from the big boss to everyone which I am too afraid to deny)
Oh I refuse those too. To her face, then casually direct her to the HR "adjustments passport" that her team rolled out to great applause and telling her it's on record I don't attend these things and it's been signed off by my director.. then thank her for rolling out such a beneficial system..
.. and watch as she realises she's been hoisted by her own petard. She can't say anything as that would undermine herself!
@DoctorDisco@actuallyautistic that’s brilliant! In my current company, there’s (unfortunately?) no formal HR, no actual procedures, and a lot of chaos and informalities. Typical small gamedev company, if you ever encountered those)
@olena@actuallyautistic no, I unfortunately started off in mathematics and engineering then ended up working for huge multinationals before getting absorbed by defence, MoD and, lately, the cabinet office.
I did work for F1 McLaren for a while. That was a toxic mess. XD
@olena@DoctorDisco@actuallyautistic I've discovered that small companies are better for me. I can talk to the owner(s) directly and negotiate things without any "I'll see what the boss thinks".
The flip side is that when it doesn't work out I have to quit.
Current job we've all agreed that telling the boss medical stuff is BAD. We all got told when someone was doing IVF and that means everyone just says "I'm sick" when they're using sick leave. Literally just that.
@olena@DoctorDisco@actuallyautistic The upside is 100% WFH, riding my bicycle to work when I did/do visit the office, they pay for toys "essential work equipment"{cough}, very loose leave and TOIL policies (at one stage someone "owed" 5 weeks annual leave)
@olena@actuallyautistic The first step of my whole neurodivergent self-discovery was finding out that I was a "super-taster" after a lifetime of being called a picky eater.
@Murdoc@actuallyautistic the thing is, I’ve never considered myself a peaky eater, as they are usually pictured as someone eating only pasta all the time, I’ve thought of myself more as about a foodie, someone who enjoys good food, understands food done really well, can appreciate gourmet experiences, cooks interesting things, etc.
In social settings, I would probably eat whatever I am given(except of the food I consider spoiled - and my sensitivity to the food going funky is higher than average, and except the spicy-hot food - not spicy like ginger or black pepper, but hot like chilies, I can’t tolerate capsaicin), and may even kinda understand that in their niche this food is done well probably - I just don’t like certain things(which are mostly not ingredients per se, but the way they’re cooked), but when given, I would eat the things I don’t really like or appreciate. Probably, just because I was taught so as a kid. My mom doesn’t take it well when someone questions her cooking, so smiling and nodding, and big ‘Thank you!’ after. And more creative excuses to cook myself when I come to her place, or take her to eat out, or skip the dinner when visiting.