So for the last ten years, my partner has been mowing the lawn on Fridays every summer so that the bugs are settled and the yard is less buggy for our time together on the weekends.
This is very sweet and thoughtful of them and it is also something I did not notice was happening, though they tell me they’ve told me 40 times in 10 years.
I just never noticed or remembered. 😬😞It makes relationships (and gratitude for others actions) difficult
@actuallyadhd@actuallyautistic not sure what to do with that but feel like it may be connected with this “being in my own worldness” that is my particular flavour of neurodivergence.
So… just wanted to share as maybe it’ll help me (and maybe others?) see some sort of something in it all.
@lifewithtrees@actuallyadhd@actuallyautistic i think this is something where you both have room to move toward each other -- someone who knows they've told you something 40 times and not tried another way of receiving your gratitude that you want to give. I like to set reminders for things I tend to forget, like literally an alarm with the small thing to say or send. Your partner could leave the lawn mower somewhere you're more likely to notice and chat while you both put it away.
@lifewithtrees@actuallyadhd@actuallyautistic I want to say something kind and smart and helpful, but I just don't have much. Here is what I know: you are not your not-noticing. Your desire to notice better is 90% of the way there. (Imagine all the widgets that would tell Alch to get over it.) Where it gets tricky is finding the balance of, let's say, digital reminders and the ability to be genuine. You can't set a reminder on your phone for Friday at dinner to remind you to be grateful, but can you set a reminder for Friday, early in the day to watch for a mown lawn? So when you see it you can express your gratitude?
I don't really know if that works for you or not, but some sort of mix of it may be helpful? ❤️