The power of mentoring for me as an autistic adult and mature university student:
Just had my last (maybe, ever) mentor session with a mentor who has supported me with my university studies since December 2021. All thanks to the Disabled Students Allowance (England / UK). It’s just hitting me now how sad I am and how much I’ll miss her.
I didn’t really know what mentoring was beforehand, didn’t know why it was recommended to me as an autistic student by my DSA assessor, but finding such a wonderful mentor has literally been life changing, not to mention that I’ve finally completed a degree after several (5!) attempts!
As a mature student, my mentor said that my mentoring sessions focused more on helping me remember experience and skills I mostly already had and encouraging me to find ways to apply them in this new context (in university studies). I often got completely stuck, couldn’t break down big challenges into smaller, manageable problems to solve, so she would ask me questions to help me uncover more information and do this for myself. She never gave me the answers, only an occasional toolset or framework for me to use. Basically, she was helping me to help myself, otherwise known as ‘self-management principles’. This is massively empowering due to the long-term benefits. I did also sometimes need help with basics that the younger students needed help with too, like ensuring I have food at home to sustain me, especially during the most intense times. Each term, each module, each assessment all presented new situations and challenges, as it does for all students, so this skill development process was ongoing and ever changing.
The goals I chose for the mentor sessions always included getting into the habit of remembering well-being and incorporating it into my plans and daily habits. As someone who also has a chronic illness, this is essential. I am still not the best at this, though, but I’m grateful for this practice, the chance to pick up new skills and toolsets, and especially all the chances to reflect on my progress with someone who gently held me accountable (to my own goals).
My first assigned mentor was a bad fit, though - very unreliable, disorganised. I’m so glad I mentioned this to the company that supplied the mentors, and especially talked about the challenges to me as an autistic student. They heard me out and assigned me to this different mentor very quickly.
I’m sharing all this in the hopes it inspires someone else to accept support when it’s available and they think it could help them. It felt SO strange to me to have this support after so many adult years without it, but I now see why it was recommended to me. The positive effects and skills I learned will stay with me for life, well beyond the degree.
—
If you have a positive story about accepting support for a disability, feel free to share it below. It could be during academic studies, or could be at work, or in general life. We don’t all NEED support, and not all the time, but many of us struggle to accept help when it’s available and we need it most. I know I certainly do.
Great story. I have managed to drag myself through several qualifications as a mature aged student, in spite of burnout, but it took a toll on me & those around me. I was undiagnosed & it was a while ago. I imagine that the work as a mentor must be pretty rewarding, seeing people through & knowing that they e made a significant difference.
@AnAutieAtUni@actuallyautistic that sounds AWESOME! Growing up un-DXd autistic, you can't even imagine the amount of suffering, conflicts with (school) authority, meltdowns and burnouts I went through making my way through an MIng... looking back, it feels like a miracle I finished at all.
I would have loved having that kind of awareness and support back then, and we're working hard to put things in place for the next gen (we have 2 little neurospicy kids).
I did my first degree a long time ago 1999-2005. I am deaf and had a 'deaf mentor' as it was back then, she was super helpful with trying to get my tutors to make adjustments and so on. Just having someone acknowledge deaf needs as I was starting to learn sign was great. I also had notetakers, some were great and really went above and beyond for me.
@AnAutieAtUni@actuallyautistic Wow - I wish I had this when I was working on my phd, instead I left the program. So glad you got the support you needed!
@CuriousMagpie@actuallyautistic I can only imagine there is a tonne to navigate with a PhD. It’s on my radar… maybe one day I’ll give it a shot! Maybe!
Important to note, though, having a mentor may not have changed the outcome that you left the program. I’m sure you know this already! But then, having a mentor could have helped you think it through, plan for the future, feel at peace with whatever the outcome.
I say this as I came extremely close to having to leave my degree this time around, too. I was so close to the end of the course but autistic burnout hit HARD, my chronic illness flared up, and I had nothing at all in me left. My mentor couldn’t do much. But the sessions reminded me of a conversation I’d had a few months earlier with my academic tutor where he mentioned that, although very rare, occasionally students are granted the ability to study part-time, but only if it’s their final year and a year out wouldn’t improve things. I was able to recall this option, then use the mentor sessions to break down what steps I needed to do to apply for this (a lot! Needed references and everything!)
Don’t know if it helps to know that. But, either way, hope you’re doing better away from what made you leave the PhD program. I’ve heard many tough stories about how it can be 💗 It takes courage to leave when that happens.
@AnAutieAtUni@actuallyautistic I hadn’t even been diagnosed (AuDAD) at the time so it probably would not have helped in the same way. The program wasn’t necessarily that difficult, but I was in my 50s at the time and did not have the same priorities that the program wanted me to have. eg - the pressure to publish in the first year was ridiculous - I didn’t have anything to say yet!
I’m glad I had that first year and I’m glad I left 🙂