Over the past few months I have really been ruminating on what “masculinity” and “femininity” even are, and those terms are mostly defined by stereotypes. Like, I know I’m a woman but I’ve always felt like “just some guy.” I’ve never had dysphoria or anything, and I have a biblical understanding of sexuality, but cultural ideas about gender make no sense to me. All of this is so confusing. Any ideas?
Recently, there's been more recognition that both cis and trans people experience diffences in "gender valence", that is, how strongly aware we are of a gender identity.
It's a spectrum from no gender valence (agender people) to strong gender valence, where the person knows without a doubt that they are a woman, a man, nonbinary, or whatever their gender identity is.
This spectrum is not corrolated to whether you're cis or trans.
A cis person might have a weak sense of gender identity, but be perfectly willing to accept the gender assigned to them at birth. Or they might be very sure of their gender identity.
The same is true for trans people. We might be unable to say what our gender identity is and just know what we're not. Or we might have a strong sense of what we are.
You get to decide what you are. You might change over time, you might always feel uncertain. No one else can tell you what you "really" are. Move towards what gives you joy.
I think it's one of those things where you don't really feel it unless things are going horribly wrong. Or like only darkness allows you to know what light is. Contrast gives definition.
Eg adopt a male persona in an online space. How does it feel being gendered he him for, say, a week? Good/bad/don't feel anything. Use a mood diary if you're alexithymic.
@chevalier26 in my opinion/experience, gender is something internal and hard to define, and thus best to explore within yourself. most people address it from a few common frameworks, but if their paradigm doesn't make intuitive sense to you, i don't think it will give you answers about yourself. for me, i started exploring what gender means to me with lists of open ended questions like these: https://mindfulstl.com/questions-to-consider-when-exploring-your-gender-identity/
@chevalier26@actuallyautistic
What we value as stereotypically male or female varies greatly not just between cultures & their values, but also classes. A 19th century “lady” who spent her time socialising, embroidering etc, was expected to be pale & fragile. A laundress needed to be strong! All constructs.
@chevalier26@actuallyautistic
cultural ideas about gender are not meant to make sense. They're meant to maintain a socioeconomic hierarchy. A hierarchy of unearned privileges.
The "goal" is to select the most socially able people. They become the most popular. By successfully navigating an ever-changing maze of social cues.
The "goal" is to make a social species that can live together in large numbers. Societies without that goal die, often horribly. So even without that as an explicit goal, they all have it.
@chevalier26@actuallyautistic I think nearly everyone with some introspection finds the received models of gender uncomfortable. We can look at how other people are exploring it and often challenging those models, but ultimately it's for each of us to determine what gender means to them personally, or if it means anything at all.