So, it's midsummer. I was totally unprepared for it. How fast it came, and how hard it came at me. All of a sudden half of the summer is gone. The few people I'm somewhat close to have disappeared to their cabins and whatnot. I've disappeared into a deepening depression and shutdown.
It's these kinds of holidays that always hit me the hardest. They really drive home how alone I am in this world. How I don't connect.
Some years ago I started to organize Xmas eve hangouts at a cafe I volunteered at. I knew there were many of us there who didn't really celebrate the holidays or go back home or whatnot. And that many of us felt lonely during the holidays, for one reason or another. When I talked about it with people, everyone thought it was a great idea. So, I went at it.
The first year someone else was helping out with the evening and it was a resounding success. The cafe where we held it was packed with people. Someone had made little gifts for everyone. We sang, we had so much food we had a leftover dinner the next day. Good times were had. The next year I had to organize it alone. Only a handful of people came. The third year, there were four of us, and the three others uncomfortably excused themselves after half an hour to go to an actual Xmas party. I stopped organizing them. A bit later I stopped volunteering there.
Why bring this up at midsummers? Well... Let's just say history was not my strongest subject at school.
