This essay somehow resonates in me. Since I can remember, I never understood genders. It's simply not a thing for me. Why should we be restrained and oppress ourselves with a binary choice? It doesn't make any sense in a world of diversity. It's a purely social construction that doesn't feet my view and who I am. We are all humans.
“Autistic people aren’t being fooled into being nonbinary. We see past the binary that fools you.”
Most of my friends were female. I wasn't interested in dating. Certainly remotely not in sex.
Could never get my head around the misogynistic attitudes of "blokes"
Turns out I'm cis but also ace.. at least Demi ace. I've had 3 girlfriends in my 54 years, one of which I married. XD no sex life per se, so no kids either. Obviously ;)
@angelastella@Autistrain@actuallyautistic@neurodiversity well yes, exactly. I was trying (and failing with limited 500 chars) to put across the outdated stereotype. And how we're SUPPOSED to act. I know fair few women mad about football. And I know guys who knit. (I tried but I'm all fingers and thumb) but stereotypes of ANYONE are bad. We're all individuals.
I'm not what My Dad would have said was "Manly" but I'm not effeminate either. I'm still a sci fi obsessed math geek XD ;) hehe
We're OK. And presentation... that's another HUGE pitfall. I'm like the butchest of trans women even before factoring in what I do with my mind and my life.
@Autistrain@actuallyautistic@neurodiversity I like rom coms and musicals, I love to bake, I appreciate the importance of a good cuddle with zero expectation of it going further. I cry at soppy movies. I cook, clean, iron, do the dishes (I mean everyone should if they're able..that's just good manners) am polite, don't drink to excess (unless 1 bottle of beer a week max is excessive?) Can't be doing with football or rugby or leering after girls. I'm a male but not a "Man" (capital important) ;)
@Autistrain@actuallyautistic@neurodiversity
As an autistic, I consider myself cis because I like coding as male for almost everything, and typically am only interested in male coded signifiers, plus a nontrivial dislike of shifting my pronouns.
But I completely agree the gender binary is just dumb, for most respects. Basically all of gender is just made up silliness, I just happen to like most of the box that is 'male' ( for myself and for sexual interests).
@Oggie@Autistrain@actuallyautistic@neurodiversity
It sounds as if your experience is similar to mine, but I've always framed it differently. What I'm about to say is meant to complement what you and the article have already said, rather than contradict it.
As #ActuallyAutistic people, we're conditioned by the neurotypical world to see ourselves as failures at this baffling but centrally important game that everyone else understands but no one ever explains to us. So we're used to seeing ourselves as being bad at certain things without understanding why people do them or how they're done. And sometimes we respond by deciding that we've tried and failed so many times that we're not even going to try any more.
I've never thought of myself as gender-divergent, and I still don't. I'm a cis het male and I love it. Testosterone is the best drug I know. It's just that I have no interest in sport, I'm not going to pretend to enjoy lager, I'm hopeless at DIY, and I'd rather form meaningful relationships than endlessly compete with people as men usually do. I've always thought of this, not as gender-divergence, but as having the masculine confidence to shape my masculinity around my character, preferences and needs. Being hopeless with a hacksaw doesn't make me gender-queer. 😄
Again: I'm only talking about myself here, not trying to invalidate anyone else's experience.
@nddev@Oggie@Autistrain@actuallyautistic@neurodiversity I relate strongly to this. While I also identify as CIS and straight, I come off to other people as effeminate because I am caring and have no problem doing things that are patriarchically cast into feminine roles. I view this as the opposite of toxic masculinity. I'm confident and content in my gender and orientation and build my own meaning of healthy masculinity. People who know me get it and respect it. People who don't, too bad!
"Others have proposed that individuals with autism are more prone to reject ideas they perceive as flawed or logically inconsistent (Kristensen & Broome, 2016), such as social conditioning and social norms (Ansara & Hegarty, 2011), and this facilitates 'coming out.'"
@DoomsdaysCW@Autistrain@actuallyautistic@neurodiversity
I'd like to see an article written about how autism and neurodiversity in general intersects with asexual identities. I've long suspected that these, plus trans identities, are all interconnected.
@punishmenthurts@nddev@james@DoomsdaysCW@Autistrain@actuallyautistic@neurodiversity
A long time ago I didn't like being a man. Logically I asked a trans woman. Turns out I'm a man, but a man who doesn't like what the society expects of him, and I'm giving society the middle finger in a daily basis. That's painful and not at the same time.
@nddev @james@DoomsdaysCW@Autistrain@actuallyautistic@neurodiversity
Intriguing. Realizing that I was demisexual (by coming across the word, no less!) was a close second to having been diagnosed as being “on the spectrum”. Pieces didn’t really know existed fell into place.
@james@DoomsdaysCW@Autistrain@actuallyautistic@neurodiversity to get an adequate sampling size to know how this fits . See you could say do a poll right? Well statistics can show averages. It doesn’t mean 😢 I don’t believe🤔that any one sampling size fits for that specific way of how we all feel, hence my concern is accuracy, getting unbiased as much as we can, etc. I’m not saying there isn’t strong correlation because we don’t typically, break the mold, in some the mold breaks us 🤷♀️